Spiritual Development of the "Churched" Student

It's like I lost contact with a close friend for some time. It's like I lost an appendage and have been figuring out how to go on without it. It's also as if I went on a diet from something healthy, for example, I stopped eating any kind of fruit. And it's all because I haven't found myself here in a long time. I haven't blogged since August. Sure, I can list of all of the excuses running around in my brain, but I think the real reason is that I purposely took a break from exposing my self as a way to protect myself. I don't know what I was trying to protect myself from, but it ends here, today, right now! It's not that I haven't wanted to blog. I just haven't disciplined myself to do it, much like I don't discipline myself to work out on a regular basis, even though I know how critical it is to my overall health. But, like I said, I'm trying to get back on track. The sad thing is, though, I've missed out on tracking my spiritual journey the last few months. But, God has truly taught me so much. The good thing about taking this blogging break is that it resulted in me expressing myself through song writing, something I had not done in a long time! But I want both!!!!

In the early hours of this morning as sleep hasn't been an option, I've been contemplating a new spiritual development theory for college students, specifically for students who are "churched" youth who enter college for the first time. I have had countless conversations with my students that support this theory. I haven't finished developing it completely, so maybe I should call it a pattern and not a theory. I'm sure the scientific and psychological world would dismiss it has craziness, but I see it played out in the lives of my college students day after day.

I guess it really does coincide with some other developmental theories. Early college students are often in a stage of cognitive development where everything is black and white, the teacher has all of the answers, and they aren't really interested in learning. They just want to be told what they have to know for the test. It's not about learning something new or letting this new knowledge transform their lives. It's all about completing a checklist. And sadly, many Christians, but especially students at that age who are considered "churched," approach their spiritual lives that way as well. When I say "churched" I don't necessarily mean spiritually mature. I'm referring to those students who grew up in a Christian home, who attended church on a regular or semi-regular basis, who can give the Sunday School answers to spiritual questions but have little spiritual depth. It seems that their spiritual walk is all about the religion of it all. There's a spiritual checklist that they use to measure their spiritual health.

I pray before my meals...check
I go to church, well, sometimes...check
I don't cuss as much as other people...check
I pray to God in times of crisis...check
My friends know I'm a Christian, at least in name...check
I keep my Bible by my bedside, just in case I need it...check
I'm not having sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend...check
I might go to parties, but I don't drink...check

And for them, this is what the Christian life consists of, little more than a checklist of dos and don'ts. They are good people, or at least they are not that bad. And that's stage one.

Stage two begins when some catalyst thrusts them into a spiritual bubble. Some might say they are "on fire for Jesus." These students attend every Bible Study offered on campus, every night of the week. They decide to become closer to God by only listening to Christian music. They isolate themselves from anyone who doesn't want to participate in Christian things like they do. They absorb every spiritual word they receive but maintain that legalistic checklist, often leading to feelings of hopelessness and guilt because they start to see their own failures and begin to wonder if they'll ever measure up. They want to live their lives for God's purposes, but don't know quite how to mesh that with the world around them. They pick someone to be their beacon of truth and depend on that person's words rather than the Word of God. Sadly, if they never move out of Stage 2, they may fall away completely, taking a lot of other people down with them.

So what's the next stage? Relationship. It's coming to the realization or understanding that living the life God calls us to live is not about a spiritual checklist to see if you measure up. It's not about isolating oneself from the world around us and living in a spiritual bubble. It's not about storing up spiritual information and never doing anything with it other than maintaining a spiritual file. It's about a relationship with the Heavenly Father. It's understanding that we will never measure up outside of the grace of Jesus Christ. It's understanding that being good is not the answer, rather being in a relationship with God is. It's wanting to live your life in such a way as to honor God, to bring glory to His name. It's living out a counter reality within the world's reality. It's learning to live by the only standard that matters, God's. It's daily dying to self and selfish desires and making the desires of God your own. It's putting on the spiritual armor on a daily (or moment by moment) basis. It's realizing that the battle is not against flesh, but against evil. It's seeing that our relationship with God will transform our relationship with other people. If our relationship with God is healthy and growing, our perspective on evangelism is transformed into a relational approach. It's realizing how much God loves us and striving to love Him as He deserves. It's learning to be transparent before the One who knows all and understands us better than we understand ourselves. It's allowing God's grace to cover us.

My biggest struggle is figuring out how to help students move towards that relationship mentality. God has been setting this before me a great deal lately. And I'm just trying to figure it all out. But I know He is faithful, and on that promise I'm choosing to cling!

My Faith needs a Workout!

My faith is in desperate need of a workout! I am in a season of brokenness, and my prayer is that through that brokenness, God can put me back together again as He wants me to be.

Too many times I want answers instead of trust.

Too many times I want solutions instead of hope.

Last week during a staff development retreat, we completed the Strength Finders inventory. My top strength was Strategic. It is described in this way:

"People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. Because of your strengths, you have a knack for identifying problems. You spontaneously generate alternatives for solving them. You probably consider the pros and cons of each option. You often factor into your thinking prevailing circumstances and available resources. You feel life is good when you sense you are choosing the best course of action. By nature, you occasionally marvel at your ability to vividly express your thoughts and feelings. It’s very likely that you usually feel satisfied with life when your innovative thinking style is appreciated. You automatically pinpoint trends, notice problems, or identify opportunities many people overlook. Armed with this knowledge, you usually devise alternative courses of action. By evaluating the circumstances, available resources, and/or the potential consequences of each plan, you can select the best option."

While this strength may help me be successful in my job, it is often a hindrance in my faith walk. I am so focused on solving problems and finding alternative ways to do so, I often fail to simply put my faith in my Heavenly Father. I don't want to live this way. I want to have faith to move mountains. I want to have hope to find freedom.

So I am praying now, admittedly begrudgingly so, that God will give my faith a workout. That He will teach me in the midst of my brokenness to put my trust in Him. That He will remind me daily that His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are better.

One of my former students was recently in a tragic car accident, and he and his brother are both in two different hospitals in Montana. Jeremy was actually considered a casualty at the scene of the accident, but he is still holding on, clinging to life. Another brother, Trav, has chronicled their family's faith journey via a Caringbridge site. He made this entry a few days ago:

"Our "Americanism" of instant fixes and immediate gratification along with always finding a way to numb the pain or tune it out has been rocked! I've been humbled so far realizing that I should be living in the tension of faith daily no matter what the circumstances. I should not be what I have often been and that is being a stranger who vacations there when despair forces me to. "

Maybe that's what God is teaching me in the circumstances of my life right now. The importance of living in the tension of faith daily. The importance of clinging to God for direction and guidance for the next step. The importance of trusting in God's provision. I don't want to be that stranger on vacation in the realm of my faith. I want to make my home there. I want to put down roots. I want those roots to grow strong! I want every word and every deed to be an expression of my faith in a holy God! I want to take off the mask that I so often wear, both the good and the bad parts, although lately, the bad has been outweighing the good so maybe getting rid of the mask isn't such a bad idea.

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I put in an old Andrew Peterson CD and listened to an old favorite...in fact, I put it on repeat for the entire morning. These words are my prayer today:

Give us faith to be strong

Father, we are so weak

Our bodies are fragile and weary

As we stagger and stumble to walk where you lead

Give us faith to be strong

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we're torn

Mend us up when we break

This flesh can be wounded and shaking

When there's much too much trouble for one heart to take

Give us peace when we're torn

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us hearts to find hope

Father, we cannot see

How the sorrow we feel can bring freedom

And as hard as we try, Lord, it's hard to believe

So, give us hearts to find hope

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we're torn

Give us faith, faith to be strong

Enduring Hope

Today is not what I had hoped it would be. It's not what I dreamed it would be. But it is exactly what God planned and dreamed it to be! God's faithfulness and love are overwhelming. And because of His faithfulness and love, my hope endures. Praise my God who is my everlasting hope!

God is Real

I wish everyone I know or am acquainted with who doubts God could have been in my kitchen last night and experienced the love of the Lord like I did last night. There is a Christian song that has these words:

All of me, on my knees
Singing holy, holy
Somehow all that matters now
Is you are holy, holy

I fully understand that like I never have before. You see, God has been revealing something to me over the past month of so, and I'm only getting to see bits of pieces of whatever God is doing. And that's not out of some sadistic pleasure God gets from only showing me a little bit at the time. I believe it's because God is showing me only what he has equipped me to handle and understand right now. And that's okay. I take great comfort in the love of a God who knows those things and isn't throwing it all at me at once, AND a God who is daily teaching and equipping me to handle the next step. I don't know what lies ahead, and my greatest fear last night was that I was going to start down my own path, a path based on what I see, instead of walking by faith and letting God show me the next step.

I cried out to him in anguish, and boy did he answer. I described it to a friend like those medical shows where they jab a sharp object into someones chest cavity to relieve the pressure during a heart attack (don't know if that's medically accurate, but that's what I see on TV). It was like that last night. I was standing over God's word, crying out to him to make me obedient, yelling that I didn't understand, and immediately, a peace washed over me. My breathing calmed, what felt like a balloon in my chest seemed to slowly deflate back to normal size. But it was more than a physical peace. It was deep inside of me, my God assuring me that He is Sovereign, He is in control, and He will be faithful in showing me the next step!

I fell to my knees, right there in the kitchen and worshiped my Heavenly Father. There was no other response, no other option. I had to fall face down before my holy God! He is real. He is true. He is faithful. And my priority is to make that known!!!

I serve a God who has called me by name, who summons me, who has designated me as his own. I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to doubt his faithfulness. He is seated on His throne and in control!

I found great comfort from the words of the prophet Isaiah last night:

I call you by your name. I name you, though you do not know me. I ma the Lord and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness. I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord who does all these things. Isaiah 45:4-7

A Word from the Lord

A word from the Lord that I needed to hear this morning:

The goal is make Him known!

Childhood Vacations

Someone asked me recently what my favorite vacation as a child was. I didn't really know how to answer that question. You see, for most families, vacation is something that happens once or twice a year, an event planned months in advance that includes travel to places unknown. Not for my family, though. It was not uncommon for my dad to decide on Thursday evening that we were going to North Carolina for the weekend. It didn't even have to be a 3 days weekend. And we lived in South Georgia...it's not like North Carolina was just a hop, skip, and a jump away. We would leave on Friday afternoon, drive as far as we could, spend the night, wake up early and drive the rest of the way, spend Saturday and Sunday going to all of our favorite places and finding new ones, and leaving Sunday afternoon for a long ride home. These trips were great fun, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

We rarely took special vacations, and if we did, they usually coincided in some way with a conference my dad had to attend for work. One of the things that amazes me about working with college students is that every now and then I'll come across a student who has never stayed in a hotel before. This always catches me by surprise. I mean, by the time I was 10, I had stayed in my fair share. They weren't always the best, rarely 5 star. I do remember this one time getting to stay at the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island because of a meeting my dad was attending (one of our family vacation, ahem). I remember it because they put dark chocolates on the pillow, and I found the housekeeping cart and raided a few extra chocolates. I also remember coming back to our room one day and finding a fruit basket. My dad wouldn't let us touch it. Some insurance company that was trying to woo him for his business had sent it. My dad had no intention of using them, so he didn't think it was ethical of us to enjoy the fruit. That was so not fair! Most of my hotel stays were places like the Holiday Inn or Ramada Inn. As long as they had a pool, I was good to go. And a TV in the room...we weren't allowed to have such at home, so hotels were great for that reason alone. My friend Teresa's little boy is so excited this week because they are going on vacation to Charlotte. Now, Charlotte is only about 45 minutes away, but it makes it vacation because they are staying in a hotel. Just think if parents realized this about kids. They could save lots of money on vacations by just going to the next town over and staying in a hotel. Their kids would never know the difference!

Now, before the hotel stays, in days where my parents were either poor or cheap (a little of both I think) there was camping. Knowing what I know about my mom now, it is hard for me to believe she ever did this willingly, but she did. I wish I remembered more about this days, but honestly, I only have bits and pieces. I was so young. What I do remember is that those are some of the best times of my childhood. Speaking of saving money...but I don't know that it would be such an easy sell for today's youth. There's no technology (at least in the type of camping I'm talking about), you go to bed early, wake up early. The fun is in learning to set up the tent, hear ghost stories from your dad, laughing when your parent's air mattress deflates in the middle of the night, trying to find the bathhouse in the dark, cooking outside, playing games as a family, and really just talking to one another. Wow, I think I want to go camping now!

I was talking with a friend today about cars today and all of the technology perks people look for. Don't DVD players and TVs keep kids and parents from talking to one another, just on trips from school to home, not to mention on long drives like vacations. Part of the fun on those long drives were all the games you played to keep yourself entertained, like the Find the Alphabet on the street signs game, I-Spy, or Cows (apparently this was a Day family thing that only works when traveling in rural areas with lots of cow pastures and cemeteries!). Catching up on my reading was also a great car ride activity. And listening to music together as a family. What fun is it if everyone can hear their own thing? My childhood would not have been the same without Psalty the singing songbook tapes. I still know most of the words to those songs! And when we had listened to all of our tapes multiple times, we resorted to singing together, you know the silly songs, the nursery rhymes. How sad is it that we will have a generation of young adults who will never know these simple pleasures in life.

So what was my favorite vacation as a child? Well, I can list a few.

1. Trips to Hendersonville/Asheville: I'm lumping all of these many trips together. One of the best parts was staying at the Holiday Inn with the indoor pool. It's not even a Holiday Inn now, and it looks pretty shabby on the outside, but as a child, it was heaven on earth! The also had an indoor hot tub. And it was right next to the World of Clothing. A trip to Hendersonville was not complete without a visit there, but I'm talking old school World of Clothing, not the current version. Oh, and shopping right across the street at the Picture Me outlet. So much fun to get new clothes every year! And eating at Jimmy's! I so wish that Italian restaurant was still in business. It was only the best place ever! I remember one specific trip where we went to the Biltmore House. We were going on a Sunday afternoon, after church (you see my family still went to church, even when we were out of town), and I didn't want to go in my Sunday dress. I cried and cried. I'm sure I was quite annoying to my family, and I've apologized profusely to my mom and dad now that I'm an adult. We also ate at the Deer Park Restaurant inside of Biltmore. Because I had such a sour attitude that day, I pouted that I would find nothing to eat. My mom promised me there would be a hamburger on the menu, but she was wrong. Truly, the only thing I would eat (or could pronounce) from the menu was Broccoli and Cheese soup. I think about that experience every time I see Broccoli and Cheese soup to this day! Every now and then we'd stay at some different place, a cottage or B&B. Those were fun times, too. Favorite trips often revolved around the Apple Festival in September and a visit to the Sky Top Apple Orchard. I still love going there, and lucky for me, it's only 45 minutes away!

2. Nantahala Village: Now I know this seems awfully close to Hendersonville and Asheville, but this was one of those rare planned vacations. We spent several days there. We stayed in a stone cabin, went horseback riding and my sister's horse almost went off the mountain. We went gem mining! It was a great vacation, and one I've never forgotten.

3. Illinois: When I was around 13, my mom got a call one Sunday morning from a lady who told her she was her sister. She also told her she had a total of 8 other siblings. This was news to my mom, and we planned a trip that summer to meet these new family members. Their family home was in rural Illinois, so everyone gathered there for a weekend. I got to meet my biological grandfather for the first time and found out I had lots of new aunts, uncles, and cousins. I remember catching fireflies in jars, eating watermelon, playing until it got dark and we were forced to come inside, hearing their family stories, and marveling at how much my mom looked like her new found sisters. It was a great trip and introduced me to a whole new side of my life.

4. Oklahoma: I turned 7 in Oklahoma. My dad had to go to a meeting in Texas, so my mom and her friend, Ms. Sue, drove us out to Oklahoma where my grandparents were living at the time. I remember seeing a guy driving in circles on the road on the way and learning that Ms. Sue was deathly afraid of driving/riding over bridges! We had so much fun there. One of the best memories is when my cousin Michael, who was either in his late teens or early 20s at the time was given the task of babysitting us kids while our parents and grandparents went for a walk. Michael decided to take us to the park down the street. It had been raining that week, so around the merry go round a the park was a big moat of water. I got on and Michael started running around, making us spin. I fell off into the water. He was so scared that my mom was going to be mad that he made us rush home and try to give me a bath before they made it back. But as we came up the road towards the house from one direction, my mom and everyone was coming up from the other direction. He was so funny about that, and the funny thing was, my mom didn't seem to care!

5. The House Boat ride: My parents decided that we would rent a house boat and spend a few days floating down the Suwanee River. I guess they were trying to help us feel like Stephen Foster! What made this so exciting was the fact that we got stuck in the middle of the river one afternoon on a sand bar. We had to spend the night there. I still have this clear image in my head of my dad getting up really early that morning to dig us out with a broom handle!

6. Bardstown, Kentucky: This was a place we went several years in a row and one of the places we would camp at. We always went to see the outdoor musical drama of the Stephen Foster story. We went back just a few years ago. It was as spectacular as I remember as a child! The ladies in their pretty dresses, dancing with umbrellas, singing some of my favorite songs such as Beautiful Dreamer, Old Dog Trey, Old Folks at Home, and more! These trips helped solidify my love for musical theater and my need for my life to be like a musical!

7. Philadelphia: My dad served as the president for a local civic group one year, and he had to attend the national convention of this group. So, that became our family vacation. We rode the train all the way from Georgia to Philadelphia. We did all of the touristy things, stayed in a really nice hotel (paid for by someone else where the hamburgers were more expensive than the ones on the train), ate breakfast at Burger King every morning, and had the best clam chowder ever made at Wanamaker's Department store. I love American history, so this trip was perfect for me. I've been back to Philadelphia several times, but nothing will ever beat that first trip.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that stand out the most. The crazy thing is, they didn't include trips to big expensive amusement parks and weren't very far away from home. Some of the best trips were when we just got in the car and drove, not really knowing what we were going to do that day. Most of the best trips were our weekend adventures to the North Carolina mountains. I wouldn't trade these days for anything. I wouldn't want cruises or trips to Disney World or weeks at the beach year after year. Part of the fun was the unknown. Most of the fun was simply being together as a family.

So mom and dad, thank you! Thank you for making vacations so fun. They may have been simple. They may have been cheap. You may have gotten sick of watching us at the hotel pool for hours on end and frustrated when we didn't want to do anything but go back to the pool and play, but you did it anyway. You exposed us to new things. You took us places that would teach us to appreciate God's creation. You took us places that would teach us to appreciate history. You took the time to help us appreciate one another. Thank you!

My favorite vacations as a child, and there are many, are my favorite not because of the destination but because of the fun and the time with family. I appreciate my parents for helping me understand that.

When the Blog World and the Real World Meet...

So, today I sent an email to a guy named Ryan Bult. He's the missions pastor at Crosspoint Community Church in Nashville, TN. I sent him an email to ask for some help and guidance on a service trip I'm planning for my students over Fall Break. Their church had participated in a service opportunity at the tent city in Nashville, and I wanted to get some insight from him, and let's just be honest, some help. I became familiar with the church through "blog world." Bring the Rain, the blog of Angie Smith, introduced me to Crosspoint, which in turn introduced me to the blog of their pastor, Pete Wilson, and then the blog of his wife, Brandi Wilson. I listen to Pete's sermon's online on a pretty regular basis and in those sermon's he has referenced Ryan, so that's why I knew to contact him.

In some weird way, though, because I have become familiar with these people through "blog world," they have achieved somewhat celebrity status in my head. I know that sounds crazy and any of the people I've mentioned above would probably laugh out loud if they read that, but it's true. I know they are just regular people, serving God in the ministry to which He has called them, but in my human mind, they are celebrities. So, when I walked back in my office after lunch and saw Crosspoint Community Church show up on the caller ID, I immediately answered. It was Ryan Bult, the celebrity in my mind, calling me! We had a great conversation, and I think he is really going to be a great resource as I continue to prepare for this trip, but in the back of my mind, the whole time, all I could think of was, "I'm talking to Ryan Bult, from Crosspoint!"

I know this is stupid. I even kept telling myself (in my head of course) that this was stupid. But it still excited me to have the "blog world" and the real world meet! It's about as stupid as me crying for five minutes over the Taylor Swift video about her mom that I watched right before I left for lunch. And when I say I was crying, I was crying, hard. And for five minutes after it was over, just trying to explain it to someone else. My friend Kerie thought I was crazy but was immediately more understanding of why I cried at the end of High School Musical 3! At least she got a good laugh.

Anyway, it was just a weird moment but a moment so obviously orchestrated by my Heavenly Father that I was a bit humbled. I am so thankful for "blog world," and I think it and the real world should meet much more often!