Boo Boo's Blabberings

Thankful Tuesday - My Pioneer Peers

2011-08-23T22:04:00.002-04:00

After a two week hiatus, Thankful Tuesday has returned. For the past week I have spent most of my time with 20 of the finest college students around. These students, the 2011-2012 SMC Pioneer Peers have worked tirelessly to prepare for the beginning of the school year, to help 500 new freshmen transition into college life, and have been a source of help to me beyond what they could ever know. I decided to devote this week's Thankful Tuesday blog to them. Below you will find why I am thankful for each one of them.

Chris B. - Chris makes me laugh. He is so easy going and willing to step in and help at any time. He really cares about other students and just people in general. I'm thankful for the way he brings ease to every situation.

B.C. - She is a hard worker. I can count on B.C. to be there. She has great ideas and wants great things for her life. I am thankful I get to have a sideline seat to watch her grow and come into her own.

Ebonee - Her smile and laughter are contagious. She makes everyone feel at ease and puts us all in a good mood.

Corey - He is so conscientious and aware of everything around him. He wants to live life to the fullest and is just one of those people who gets along with pretty much everyone. I am thankful for the positive example he is to those around him.

Sarah - She is so full of life and energy. She never seems to stop. She is dedicated to her family, her friends, and likes to have fun. I am thankful that she is my Pioneer Peers for my class this semester. We will have so much fun!

Rashad - He's quiet, but when he speaks, his words are powerful. This is evidenced by his poetry. He is a very talented individual and puts that into all that he is.

Brent - He has come out of his shell so much since I first met him. Brent meets you with an honesty that is refreshing and a transparency that challenges you to be a better person.

Marcus - He challenges me to think differently, to speak differently, to act differently, to look at the world differently. All in a good way. I am thankful for someone who keeps me on my toes...and keeps me laughing.

Matt - He never gives up. He has a passion for life that is contagious! He is just simply a fun person to be around. I'm thankful I get to watch him grow and learn to use his God-givens strengths.

Isaiah - I remember the first time I met Isaiah. He exudes life and excitement. His sense of humor and people skills will lend themselves well to a political career one day. I am thankful any time I get to be around him, especially when I get to see him figure something out for the first time...it's just pure joy!

Josh - He's a quiet leader but one who is coming out of his shell more and more each day. Yesterday I got to witness first hand him learn that he made a difference in someone's life. It meant so much to him, and I'm glad I got to witness that moment of realization.

Chris P. - This kid is passionate about so many things...running, eating right, being where he's supposed robe when he's supposed to be there, etc. He's committed! He's dedicated! We could all learn from him.

KP - She's fearless. I wish I could have just an ounce of her energy and excitement. She's not easily discouraged and a great motivator.

Ciara - She's always willing to share. She's always willing to do what needs to be done. She's a great encouraged!

Dezrae - She inspires me with her positive attitude and willing spirit. She is so teachable and such a great leader. She listens well and she gives back constantly. I cannot wait to see what she accomplishes in this life!

Kayla - She has fun no matter what she is doing. She speaks her mind and is not afraid to fail, learning from every mistake. She pushes through hardship and loves to laugh and enjoy the moment.

Chad - He's one of the most helpful people I know. He always goes the extra mile. He always has a smile on his face. He knows what he wants to do with his life and consistently makes choices to help him reach his goals.

Tayla - Sweet is the first word that I think of when think of Tayla. She's always positive and always helpful. Se puts herself out there in order to accomplish great things.

Nacolle - She is a good decision maker. She knows how to weigh her options and make the best choice based on the circumstances. She consistently puts other people's needs ahead of her own. This past weekend when things were so busy and hectic, Nacolle had to deal with some pretty heavy stuff to handle. Most people never knew because she put all of that aside to be an effective leader. I am so thankful for that attitude and her willingness to be so present.

I am so privileged to work with such a great group of student leaders. I don't know what I would have done without them is week!

Thankful Tuesday on Thursday - Mission Trip Experiences

2011-08-04T11:40:00.006-04:00

Since my Tuesday was so busy, I had to move the Thankful Tuesday feature of the blog to Thursday for this week.

Since I'm currently in Kentucky on a mission trip, I thought I would focus this week's list of thankfulness on mission trip experiences, specifically this mission trip.

1. I'm thankful for a 1o year old who has the boldness to ask an adult he's just met if she knows Jesus.

2. I'm thankful for our evening devotions and hearing about the experiences of my team members and how God is moving in our group and in this town.

3. I'm thankful for rain showers, even if they force us to re-evaluate our plans for the day.

4. I'm thankful for the relationships I've built with other members of the team. I'm thankful for the barriers that God has broken down so that we can all serve together.

5. I'm thankful that we all have different gifts and strengths. I'm thankful that we are all members of one body. The "body" truly does need all of it's parts to work!

6. I'm thankful to get to see God's glory revealed in seemingly impossible situations.

7. I'm thankful to get to witness the concept of transformation in the physical sense to understand the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in the spiritual sense and the command we all have in scripture to be transformed, not conformed.

8. I'm thankful for Jim and Nancy Ramey who are such fearless and capable leaders! Their giving spirits and love for God is so evident in everything they do.

9. I'm thankful for Danny and Donna Petty for making sure we are so well fed this week. I've never been on a mission trip where we have three full course meals each day! They truly are serving God this week!

10. I'm thankful for the odd experiences you never expect:

Seeing bears

Walking a drunk woman home around midnight because she's convinced she saw bears...don't you know, the bears are everywhere!

Seeing the emergency crews of a small mountain town respond to an explosion down the street from our home base for the week...and boy did they respond!

11. I'm thankful for late night conversations in rocking chairs on the front porch. We've solved some of the world's biggest problems out there.

12. I'm thankful for the missionaries, George and Robin Lewis, who work tirelessly to help the people of Eastern Kentucky. They minister to needs and share God's love in word and in deed.

13. I'm thankful for Rick and Christy Hunter, the missionaries who devote their days to the upkeep and management of Solomon's Porch, a wonderful retreat center that provides our team (and countless others) with a safe, warm (and cool) place to sleep each night. They help us feel right at home!

14. I'm thankful for the opportunity to just listen to people...to hear their stores...to realize that we all struggle but that we are all dearly loved by God, the one thing to help us through those struggles.

15. I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve God by serving others. It really is a humbling experience and one I wouldn't trade for the world. I am so very blessed. I take so many things for granted. I serve an amazing God who consistently does amazing things. I serve a loving God who loves us in spite of our failures. I serve a faithful God who is a sure refuge, his coming is as sure as the dawn (Hosea 6). I serve a patient God who keeps on making a way. I serve a majestic God who creates beauty beyond my wildest imagination. I serve a holy God who chooses us to walk along beside Him. I am thankful most of all for the opportunity to serve this God, the one true God, this week in Lynch/Cumberland, Kentucky!

Kentucky Mission Trip - Day 3

2011-08-03T00:09:00.004-04:00

Tonight, I was telling some of our youth about my early morning run. I told them no one was awake except for the dog who chased me. They were quite alarmed until I told them that the dog only chased me as far as his leash would let him! To the edge of the yard. They then asked if it was a scary dog, to which I responded, "Not really. It was just a beagle." One of the girls remarked, " Kim, you made it sound like it was a really big, viscous event, and then we find out it was a little dog on a leash.". My response..."It was more interesting that way, wasn't it?"

This made me think of how sometimes we really do exaggerate our enemies. However, our team had one enemy against us today that needs no exaggeration. While he was a mighty foe, he was NOT undefeatable. The day started out great. Our construction team finished two projects they had started the day before. The other members of the group headed to the Freedom Center, a local outreach ministry led by our missionaries! George and Robin Lewis. We split up once we arrived, with some leading a Bible Study for a group of women and others heading to their warehouse to sort donations. We all gathered back at the Freedom Center after meeting us with a team from Illinois and helped as the thrift store opened for business. It was packed. I was so proud of the youth and children in our group. They jumped right into help. Some assisted shoppers. Blaine Dempsey was an excellent greeter and cashier. Ashley Ramey and I had a fun time changing out the display window from a summer theme to a back to school theme. Although it took us awhile, we finally learned that the best way to dress a mannequin is to takeoff her arms first. Another group of our children and youth found a group of local kids just down the street setting up a lemonade stand. They quickly became the marketing team for this lemonade stand. They wanted to make sure these kids were successful. They even spent about $10 of their own money on $0.25/cup lemonade. They were buying cups and giving it away to shoppers in the thrift store, attentive to the needs of both audiences. Chrystal Sheppard cut hair. You should have seen how happy her "customers" were with the finished project. One gentleman named Rooster had a magnificent transformation with just a simple haircut. I promise to post before and after pictures tomorrow.

Around lunch, the enemy came out to fight. Due to the unexpected and things out of our control, lunch was ready later than we anticipated. This seemed to put us further behind than it really should have. We even considered not going to play with the kids at the apartment complex in Lynch as we had promised because of the time crunch, however that group forged on and was able to continue to minister to those children and their families. Many members of our group were riddled with headaches and struggled to keep going, but the rest of us started loading up supplies for our family fun night in the park. We were showing an outdoor movie, and we thought we had everything we needed. Just before we walked out the door ( around 4:45 or so), it hit me that I had not seen us load a projector on the truck. A projector is pretty vital to showing an outdoor movie. I was in charge of the technical stuff so knew we had everything else. As soon as I voiced my concern, a small wave of panic spread throughout the group. I made a call to the church to confirm whether or not a projector was sent with us. It was not. I had seen one small baptist church in the town. I suggested that someone call them to see if they had one we could borrow. It was then that a picture flashed across my mind, a snapshot of something I has seen earlier in the day while driving down a street I didn't know existed. I had seen and made note of the Cumberland Public Library. To be honest, I was a little astonished that the town even had a public library. I knew they would have a projector. Only one problem...it was almost 5 pm. We knew it was probable that the library closed at 5. Greg Sheppard quickly looked up the number and was greeted by Pat the librarian. Pat had her keys in her hand and was ready to walk out the door when she decided to answer our call. She was our angel. Not only did she allow us to borrow the projector, but she also waited the 15 minutes it took for us to get to the library and stayed on the phone with us, giving us directions on how to get to her. Enemy's arrow avoided!

We arrived at Russell Drive and began setting up. The housing authority manager had left the power on in a utility building, allowing us to access the outlets on the outside of the building. we quickly tripped a breaker. The enemy was sending another arrow our way. There was no one on duty in the office after 5. But one of the residents across the street and another vocational missionary helped us get in touch with Henry, the maintenance supervisor for the complex. Henry left the comfort of his own home and family and came to our rescue. He flipped the breaker, showed us where another outlet was, loaned us more extension cords and a much needed power strip, and even left the door to the utility building open in case we tripped a breaker again. As having access to power was vital to our showing of the movie, another arrow of the enemy was avoided. People ate, played corn hole, had their nails painted and their hair wrapped, wrestled, raced, and enjoyed a good movie.

The devil was out in full force today. He wanted to keep us from reaching out to people, from talking with people, from sharing with people. But he FAILED miserably! It was not of our own doing. In fact, everything we tried on our own was falling apart. God, however, held it together. He met our needs. We were able to serve Him by serving others. Our God is stronger!!!!!!

Pictures coming tomorrow!

Kentucky Mission Trip - Day 2

2011-08-02T00:02:00.003-04:00

Today was filled with the unexpected. We've quickly learned that people in this area don't seem to awaken until after lunch. We gad some kids come to our game day today who proudly proclaimed they had just eaten breakfast (waffles) at 2 pm. The unexpected led us to change our game plan for the rest of the week. The unexpected also allowed us to invite even more people to our family fun movie in the park night. Please pray for us on Tuesday night that during this event we will have opportunities to share the Gospel with lots of people.

Another unexpected turn of events was an explosion at a house just down the street from where we are staying. Coincidentally, this house is right across the street from a house our construction team was working on today. Thankfully, our team was finished when the explosion occurred, but our hearts go out to the young people who were injured in the blast. There were more police, ambulances, and firetrucks on the scene throughout the evening than you would find visiting Krispy Kreme in one 24 hour shift. The police initially ruled it as a meth lab explosion, but they have since said it was a chemical grenade of some kind. The details were not very forthcoming, but our prayers are with those who were injured. Events like this one are unexpected in the small town of Lynch, KY. This town of 800 people or so is usually very quiet. This is the second major incident in the town in the past three days. On Sunday before we arrived, there was a drive by shooting in Lynch. I can only guess that the residents of this city are on edge, maybe even fearful. Maybe God has our team here for such a time as this.

Today as we were walking the streets of Lynch in search of part of our team (did I mention we couldn't find them...in a town with a population of less than 1000, one main road, a post office, a half-sized mini-mart, and no traffic lights...still we couldn't find them), I prayer walked the city as we searched. As I passed by the various homes, I prayed for the people who lived there. I'm pretty sure I prayed over the home where this explosion took place. It was an unexpected walk, an unexpected moment, an unexpected opportunity, but it opened the door to me thinking about the people inside the houses, their lives, their struggles, their needs. God is definitely using the unexpected.

Please join me in praying for the people here. These are some names and specific needs our team encountered today:

Cody - salvation and a ceasing of distractions
Michael - salvation
Katie - overcoming loneliness and pain after knee surgery
The Lewis' neighbor - blood clots around his heart
Jimmy - overcoming addiction; understanding that the righteousness of Christ is not just for eternity but is ours to put on and claim and live with all of the rights thereof in this life
Joyce - overcoming addiction and openness to the gospel

Kentucky Mission Trip - Day 1

2011-08-01T07:20:00.001-04:00

We made it...and there were no flat tires. Thankfully the trip up was uneventful. Props go to Alton Gilbert for navigating the Penske truck over the 90 degree turns of Black Mountain. We arrived a little before 8 pm and settled into Solomon's Porch, our home and base camp for the next week.

We were able to spend some time with missionaries, George and Robin Lewis and Rick Hunter. They helped us focus our game plan for Monday. we've got a group going out to do some construction work, a group going to do children's ministry at local apartment complexes, and a group going to do laundromat ministry.

After devotion and prayer, several of us gathered on the porch for an impromptu time of singing and worship, led by our awesome youth. We were reminded in our devotion that we are all part of the body of Christ, chosen and set apart to do His will. Our prayer was that we all put on love this week and let the love of Christ be the light that the people of Lynch and Cumberland, KY see.

Tonight, on the way up the mountain we stopped at the very top, the highest point in Kentucky. A line from a praise and worship song kept running through my head up at that highest point

Let your name be lifted higher, be lifted higher, be lifted higher

That is my prayer for the week, that the name of Jesus be lifted higher...higher than that highest mountain peek, higher than we've ever known, higher so that the lost will be drawn to Him.

I Forgot I Was Chosen

2011-08-01T07:12:00.003-04:00

I type tonight in a strange place. An old miner's hospital turned retreat center. A place where healing was once it's purpose. A place where people come to heal and be healed, even today. A place that is bigger than these stone walls. A place where people need to be loved. A place where people need hope. A place where people need a second chance. A place not all that different from the home I left this morning. Sure, the people are different, the accents are different, the landscape is different, but one thing remains the same: need still exists.

Over the past few days, I've been focusing on my need...doubting that God even knows or cares about my need. I've lived selfishly. I've made some pretty bad decisions. I've deliberately sinned. I've doubted God's promises. I've doubted God's love. I've even doubted God's goodness. I decided that my need was more important than God's will. I hurt someone else. I was wrong, and I moved forward trying to fulfill my need even when I knew I was wrong. How could I let this happen? It happened because I failed to see myself as God sees me, as one chosen and made righteous.

In Colossians 3:12 we are instructed to clothe ourselves with righteousness, but over the past few days I've not just failed to "dress appropriately." I traded my clothing of righteousness for rags. To continue with the clothing metaphor, I traded Saks 5th Avenue for Ross and TJ Maxx! I convinced myself that I deserved better than what God was offering but I failed to see that what God offers is far better than anything my human mind can conceive. I forgot that I was chosen. I forgot that I am set apart. So here I am in this strange place, a place with a legacy of healing, asking my God to show His healing power once again. I am not so different than those I have come here to serve. I need healing...many of them need healing. I need to be loved...many of them need to be shown love. I need to be reminded that I was chosen...they need to know they were chosen. Chosen by the creator of this universe to be set apart, holy, special, and for a purpose. Our mistakes from yesterday don't have to define us. Every need we have can be fulfilled through Him.

So in this strange place I find a familiar peace in a magnificent God. I pray that I will be able to share that same peace with others in need.

Thankful Tuesday - My Sister

2011-07-27T08:39:00.007-04:00

Okay, so I forgot to post this Thankful Tuesday list on Tuesday, but I did start making the list on Tuesday...it just didn't make it to the blog until Wednesday. Better late than never.

This Thankful Tuesday list is about my sister, Rebecca.
(This is picture of the two of us when we were very small).

1. I'm thankful to have a sister who encourages me to overcome my fear of flying and hop on a plane with her to Hawaii. Even though I've never given in, she never stops encouraging me to go! She never gives up on me.

2. This one is kind of related to #1. When we were little, Rebecca patiently taught me how to roller skate. Our driveway had these four concrete lines (picture a guide for car tires so that they make it into the correct place in the carport). That's not a really good description, but it's the best I can do. We would put our blue and red roller skates on and Rebecca would stand facing me, about 5-10 feet away. She would call for me to skate to her. She held my hands when I needed steadying. She moved farther back when I was on a really good run. She moved in closer when I was afraid. She's pretty much done this for me in lots of ways all of my life. She patiently teaches me and encourages me to take risks. She challenges me!

3. I am thankful for a sister who was a great example for me growing up.

4. I am thankful for a sister who buys really great gifts. She puts a lot of thought into gift giving, and she always has the best wrapped gifts at Christmas. She got the wrapping gene in the family. I, on the other hand, did not! If we lived closer, I would let her wrap all of my gifts!

5. I am thankful for a sister who taught me how to be independent. When I moved away to college, I knew how to immerse myself in the community. I knew the importance of finding a strong church family. I knew the importance of making my own way and not being completely dependent on others. I knew this because she was my example.

6. I am thankful for a sister who is dearly loved by those around her. When she got married this past December, I finally got to meet all of the friends she talks about all of the time. I saw how much all of these people dearly love her and care for her. She really is special. I'm glad other people see it, too.

7. I am thankful for a sister who loved me enough to figure out ways to give me lots of experience washing dishes. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until later in life, but Rebecca really is a giver. She wanted to give me the dish washing experience as much as possible. She had two ways (at least two ways that I've figured out thus far). #1 - On her night to help my mom clean up after dinner, she would often instigate an argument at the dinner table with my dad. This made me very uncomfortable, and I would usually try to get them to stop arguing. My mom, in her infinite wisdom, always realized that neither she nor I needed to be a part of the show, so she would always ask me to help her clear the table and wash dishes. And we did. In the midst of some of the biggest, knock down drag out fights you've ever heard. Interestingly enough, the fight was over right around the time the dishes were washed and everything was cleaned up. I'm convinced Rebecca did this just to avoid washing dishes. #2 - If we were ever told to wash the dishes together, she would always grab the spray hose at the sink and consistently spray me with it until I finally told her to just go away and let me wash the dishes by myself. It was much better than being soaking wet at the end of the chore. Now, looking back, I see that Rebecca was just being selfless and making sure that I had plenty of experience washing dishes!

8. I am thankful for my sister's sense of humor. Her stories about her travels around the world and just her life in general always keep us entertained.

9. I am thankful for the sisterly bond we share. I can tell my sister things that I can't or won't tell anyone else. She always has my best interest at heart and is a great secret keeper!

10. I am thankful for the man she brought into our family, my brother-in-law, Richard. I am so happy that the two of them found one another. They compliment each other so well, and she really is happy! That's a great thing to see.

My sister and I are different in so many ways, but I love her completely! I am thankful that God placed us in the same family so that I could learn from her, be challenged by her, and be loved by her.

Thankful Tuesday: My Parents

2011-07-19T11:34:00.003-04:00

A local radio station has a segment on Tuesday afternoons called Tirade Tuesday. Basically, listeners call in and complain about the topic of their choice...from horrible bosses to horrible drivers and everything in between. It really is quite funny listening to people rant about some of the most random things.

I decided to create my own Tuesday segment in the blogosphere but with a different focus. Instead of Tirade Tuesday, here at Boo Boo's Blabberings, we're going to have Thankful Tuesdays. After reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, I am making a conscious effort in my life to live consistently with an attitude of eucharisteo. So each Tuesday I will pick a topic and list as many things (as time allows) that I am thankful for concerning that topic. The first Thankful Tuesday topic: my parents. Here we go!

1. Their unconditional love for me
2. Their love for and devotion to God
3. For teaching me that taking the easy way out just to avoid struggle is not always a good option
4. For standing strong in their convictions, even when the world thinks they are crazy and those convictions create a financial burden...and for being an example of this for me
5. For providing a loving and safe home environment, even now when I'm 30+ in years
6. For encouraging me to dare to dream my dreams
7. For encouraging me and supporting me in making my dreams come true
8. For making me take piano lessons as a child (if only I had listened and never stopped)
9. For sacrificing year after year so that my sister and I could attend summer camp at Camp Crestridge, a place where our love for God was watered and nurtured.
10. For still expecting me to call them when I get home from being out of town
11. For coming to visit from many miles away
12. For recognizing my needs (and often my wants) and meeting them, even when I'm less than appreciative
13. For teaching me the value of a dollar
14. For teaching me the value of family time
15. For teaching me the value of spiritual growth and devotion
16. For teaching me the value of recognizing and declaring God's beauty around me
17. For teaching me the value of hard work
18. For believing in me
19. For teaching me the value of education
20. For listening

And so many more things...this list could go on and on.

Now it's your turn. For this segment of Thankful Tuesday, why are you thankful for your parents?

God bless!

Please Restore Power

2011-06-16T00:17:00.004-04:00

Tonight there was a mighty storm. Trees were knocked down. Power lines fell. Buildings were dark. I heard a friend pray tonight asking God to restore power to the dark places. She meant physically, but I couldn't help but think about the spiritual significance of that request.

That's my prayer. For God to restore power to the dark places. His power in the broken home. His power in the broken marriage. His power in the life of the one who struggles with unemployment. His power in the lives of those being abused. His power in the lives of those who are hurting because of illness or death. His power in the lives of those who feel helpless.

In my own struggles right now, I need His power to remember to practice eucharisteo through every moment of the day. I need His power to recognize limits I need to place in my disciplines and the strength to act on that recognition. I need His power to shut my mouth when things do not need to be said. I need His power to boldly share my faith. I need His power to truly see and appreciate all that He is.

May God truly restore power in this place!

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the POWER and the glory and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all.
Wealth and honor come from you. You are the ruler of all things.
In Your hands are strength and POWER to exalt and give strength to all."
1 Chronicles 29:11-12

I Talk A Lot

2011-05-10T11:28:00.002-04:00

My friend Jay told me last week that I talk a lot. I suppose it's true. I just wonder if I really have that much to say, or maybe anything that is worth saying?

I haven't talked a lot on here, lately, though, and I regret that. This blog kind of allows me to follow my spiritual journey and to see what God was teaching me and showing me at certain points of my life. I've taken a hiatus, and I don't think I recorded those things anywhere else. It's almost as if I've lost a year of my life. I know that's not true. Great things have happened in the past year. I bought a house! I won awards. I taught an amazing group of students at church. I taught an amazing group of students at school. I co-wrote and directed two children's choir musicals that did more than just entertained. I wrote a song for my sister's wedding. I did a lot.

I do a lot. I talk a lot. I think a lot. And lately, the hiatus has been more than just from blogging. It's been from doing worthwhile things. I've taken a hiatus from saying worthwhile things. I've taken a hiatus from thinking about the future. I spend a lot of time in my thoughts in some kind of suspended reality, a reality that will never happen, a reality that I don't have to be afraid of because the chances of it coming to fruition are slim to none.

I want to talk less and think more. I want to talk more about things that matter, things that make a difference rather than complain or argue. I want to do less but do more things that matter. I want to think on things that matter and let those thoughts turn into words and those words turn into action.

Working in higher education, I tend to evaluate things, my life included, on an academic calendar. So I as I approach summer, a time when I can rejuvinate myself and set goals for the upcoming year, I am choosing to use the following plan to assess my spiritual, personal, and professional growth.

Think, Talk, Do

THINK:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

TALK:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

DO:
But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. James 1:25

Avoiding the Christmas Dread

2010-12-01T11:41:00.002-05:00

Last night, I had a moment where I allowed myself to dread the quickly coming, and lets face it, already here, Christmas season. I was tired, hungry, and just making it home on a dark, stormy night.

I started thinking about all of the things I have to accomplish in the next few weeks: preparations for Children's Choir musical I am direction, practice for said musical, presentation of said musical, preparation for my sister's wedding, preparation for being out of town and out of work because of my sister's wedding, memorizing choir music, singing in three other Christmas worship services, doing my job, hosting a party at my home, hosting a party at work, attending a wedding other than my sister's, buying wedding gifts and Christmas gifts, and somewhere in there, I have to find time to get a Christmas tree up and figuring out decorations for my first Christmas in my new home.

Whew! I was overwhelmed, and I honestly wanted in that moment, to crawl in the bed and hide until December is over. But thankfully, the ever present Holy Spirit did not let me dwell in that moment for very long. A thought crossed my mind: I wonder if Mary, in that last month before the birth of Jesus, ever had feelings of dread? I have never been pregnant or given birth to a child myself, but I've learned from friends that the last month of pregnancy is not exactly sunshine and roses. There is discomfort, loss of sleep, fear mixed with anticipation, and the need to accomplish everything before the baby is born. I bet Mary felt all of that. And on top of this, it was during that last month she had to make the trek to Bethlehem! While she anxiously anticipated what was about to happen, I would guess that anticipation was laced every now and then with a good dose of dread.

But I wonder if Mary then remembered the promise the angel gave. "For nothing is impossible with God." Nothing is impossible. The preparations will be made. The pain will be manageable. The busyness will halt. The people will stop talking behind her back eventually. The baby will be healthy. They will find a place to rest for the night. All of those things will fade away in light of the birth of the Christ child.

Last night, in that precious moment with the Holy Spirit, I remembered the promise the angel gave Mary. Nothing is impossible with God. And in that moment, the dread disappeared. I love Christmas. I love it all, but for some reason, this year seems to be a scheduling nightmare. There's so much to do in so little time. And being the perfectionist I am, it must all be done perfectly. I was reminded that all of that stuff is nothing in comparison to the wonder of my Savior's birth. Sure, I can get lost in all of the hectic mess of my crazy life, or I can choose to find joy, peace, and hope in the celebration of the birth of my Savior, what all of that busyness is about anyway.

May you too avoid the dread of the season and be reminded this Christmas of what really matters. Also, if you find yourself caught up in the busyness of life and you feel a bit overwhelmed, remember nothing is impossible with God!

So Forgetful

2010-04-03T23:39:00.004-04:00

It was a busy morning to start a busy day. In preparation for a leadership retreat I was leading, I spent the morning running errands, marking things off my many lists, creating new lists so that I didn't forget anything. But for all of my lists, I did forget something.

I was in Michael's buying beads for a reflective craft project to incorporate into the retreat. This was one of those projects where I had an idea in my head to do one thing, but that idea ended up being financially impossible. So, I spent about 45 minutes in Michael's walking up and down the same 3 aisles, trying to figure out what I was going to do. And today was the day the decision had to be made. I had procrastinated long enough. This was it.

Through the help of the Holy Spirit, an idea was formed, a good, meaningful creative idea. I started gathering the supplies, mentally calculating how much this burst of creativity was going to cost my budget, using the calculator on my cell phone to determine how much of each product I would need. I had so many thought processes going through my head that I'm surprised any of it came out right. In the midst of this, I'm answering emails as they come to my phone, having a conversation with a friend from church who was also shopping, and handling several phone calls from students and coworkers (because heaven forbid I leave campus for a bit without someone needing to track me down).

As I prepared to head for the checkout counter, I remembered that I would need small resealable bags to put all of the pieces for this project in for each student who would participate. I dreaded having to make another stop. I had just left Wal-Mart, and even though it was just across the street, I didn't want to return. Dollar General was my next idea as I thought it would be quicker. As I zoomed toward the front of the store, the jewelry aisle that I had been up and down so many times that morning caught my eye. They had small resealable jewelry bags, 100 for $1.49. They were just the perfect size, and this purchase would eliminate my need for that dreaded extra stop. I put a packet of bags into my shopping basket and proceeded to the front of the store.

Somewhere between that moment, paying for my items, loading them in my car, and leaving the shopping center, I forgot that I had bought the bags. I got back onto the main highway and suddenly "remembered" that I needed to go by Dollar General to buy the bags. I quickly maneuvered across three lanes of traffic, turned into a local restaurant parking lot, and exited on the other side onto the road adjacent to the Dollar General. I parked my car, walked into the store, had to seek assistance from an associate as to where the bags were, and as soon as I touched the box, it all came flooding back. I realized that my forgetfulness caused me to make an extra stop. I already had bags. And surprisingly, they were cheaper at Michael's. I had a quick laugh at myself, put the box back on the shelf, and exited the store. I guess the best way to describe how I was feeling is the word amissed (a cross between amused and pissed...thank you Art Hartzog for that creation).

I had wasted precious time, but I couldn't help but see the humor in the situation. I was so consumed by my need to get things done, to move forward, by my busyness, that I forgot something so minuscule yet so important.

Later that night, I was sitting in our campus worship service, Overflow, and it was as if God hit me over the head with the true lesson from this little exercise in forgetfulness. How often do I "forget" God's truth? How often do I trade it for a truth of my own making for convenience sake?

How often do I forget God's mercies? I complain about my life, my job, and everything else in the world, all the while forgetting how blessed I am and how much He loves me. I forget that his love is unconditional, and that love extends to everyone, not just the ones I find worthy!

How often do I forget that I've laid my sin at God's feet? Instead of letting it be there and letting Him take care of it, I find a way to sneak back to that altar (although I'm not really sneaking at all considering I serve an omniscient and omnipresent God) to pick it up and carry it around like a medal for all to see. I do the same thing with my worries, my heartache, and my fears.

Just like I forgot that I had already purchased the resealable bags and went out of my way, wasting time and energy, to get what I already had, I forget what God has done for me through Jesus. I so often temporarily "forget" what God has done for me through the gift of salvation. I live my life as if that doesn't matter at all.

I don't want to forget these things, even if just for a crazy moment! I must be more diligent in spending time in God's word. I must be more diligent in spending time in prayer. I must love the things that He loves and despise the things He despises. I must keep my focus on Him and not be held captive to sin. I must fix my eyes on Jesus, the one who wrote the story of my life and my salvation. He has not and never will forget me!

Hallelujah that I serve a God that never forgets and forgives me when I do!

The Easter Bunny Doesn't Bring Baby Sisters

2010-04-03T22:53:00.003-04:00

My friend Kimberly welcomed a new daughter, Maggie, into the world this morning. This precious gift of God joins a wonderful family with two boys, ages seven and two. Kimberly called me yesterday evening to tell me that she started having contractions. She knew the birth could come at any time, so she asked if I would be willing to come over and stay with the boys if they had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. I was more than willing to help, even in this small way. Ian (the seven year old) was asleep when I arrived around 2:30 am, but Will (age 2) was wide awake. He and I watched the movies Cars and Up until about 5 am, when he finally decided it was time to go to sleep.

Around 8 am, Ian woke up and sleepily sauntered into their living room. He was excited about the possibility of his baby sister arriving, although he wasn't really sure it was going to be today. He seemed convinced that it would take longer. As he patiently waited on his grandfather to take him to the hospital, he and I had a conversation about Easter.

Figuring that he might be a little nervous with everything going on, I tried to keep it light.

Me: Ian, do you think the Easter Bunny is going to bring you a baby sister this year?
Ian: No, the Easter Bunny doesn't bring baby sisters. He just brings candy and maybe, I'm hoping, a car!

Our conversation about the Easter bunny continued, including a really funny story about his Uncle Steven being so bad that the Easter bunny wasn't coming to visit him. Instead, his wife was going to have to buy him an Easter basket.

It wasn't until later this morning that I realized the truth of Ian's statement. I received word that Maggie had arrived and was healthy and beautiful, and I began to thank God for her precious life, especially arriving right here at Easter, a perfect reminder of the new life we are promised in Christ through the gift of His sacrificial love.

It dawned on me that this seven year old little boy had made a profound theological statement, proclaiming a truth that often gets lost in our time and culture. For Christians, Easter is the most important day of the year. Our entire belief system hinges on the fact that Jesus gave His life for us through his brutal death on the cross but died to a grave that could not hold Him. He arose to bring us new life in Christ. Without the resurrection, the rest doesn't make sense. Without the resurrection, there is no salvation.

In John 14:6, Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but by me." While the world may put the Easter bunny (and his eggs, and candy, and toys, and stories) on center stage at this time of year, the real star of the show is Jesus! The Resurrected, Holy, Wonderful, Magnificent, Sacrificial Jesus!

Ian was right. The Easter bunny doesn't bring baby sisters because the Easter bunny can't bring us new life. Only Jesus can!

You are stronger, you are stronger,
Sin is broken you have saved me.
It is written, Christ is risen,
Jesus you are Lord of all.

He is risen indeed! Amen!

Showered Wisdom

2010-01-28T07:58:00.000-05:00

God's word to me today: no longer be captive to what the world offers but be captivated by what God offers...love, grace, forgiveness, joy, and peace

And he was amazed...

2010-01-27T00:33:00.001-05:00

"And he was amazed at their lack of faith," Mark 6:6

This is one of the verses in the gospels that speaks of the humanity of Jesus. He had returned to Nazareth, his hometown. He was teaching and healing there as he had been everywhere. But the people there questioned him. This was the carpenter's son. They had watched him grow up! How could he be doing and saying these things? So Jesus left, but before he did the gospel writer tells us that he was amazed at their lack of faith. As the divine Son of God did he know how they would react? Yes. But in his humanity, he was amazed.

I sometimes wonder if God, even in his omniscience, is amazed at my lack of faith? I imagine that he is in that "I knew you weren't gonna believe me but really?" kind of way. I wish it were different. I wish I didn't question or doubt as much. I wish I had faith to really live like I believe that God keeps His promises.

I want a renewed faith. The faith of a child. The faith that believes my daddy can do anything and everything simply because He's my daddy. The faith that trusts in my father's words and reassurances even though I'm fearful of the monsters that might be lurking in the closet. The faith that wants to just lay back and let my daddy wow me of stories of his own making, helping me believe in the things that seem impossible.

And God's word promises me that if I have faith, even faith as small as a mustard seed, that I can move mountains. Instead of God being amazed at my lack of faith, I want to be amazed by His response as a result of my faith!

Feeling at Home

2010-01-14T22:00:00.002-05:00

I traveled to Blakely this week to attend the funeral for my aunt. As we were driving through the streets of town, I was taken back to a moment in time (or several moments in time) from my childhood. You see, my dad was one of the only members of the family that didn't live in town. Everyone else (except for my Uncle Clarence) stayed there, raised their families there, made their homes there. My dad didn't. So when we traveled to visit my grandmother and the rest of the family, I always felt like the outsider. Let me be quick to say that it's no fault of my family's. It was just how I always felt.

Many of my memories of Blakely involved anticipation. I remember the anticipation of turning on the final road to my grandparent's house. I remember seeing the donkey on the corner where we turned, hearing our family dog bark as he knew he was almost back "home," and looking across the field towards my grandparents' house hoping to get a glimpse of my grandmother on the back porch awaiting our arrival. This was joyous anticipation. I couldn't wait to get there. I loved my grandparent's house. It was where my dad was born. I knew it would be full of wonderful smells of my grandmother's cooking. It felt like my second home. While my mom insisted that I always mind my manners, I didn't have to be on my best behavior there. I could just relax and be myself.

As we were driving down a street in town today, I was immediately taken back to a moment in time that held a different kind of anticipation. Nervous anticipation. In the back seat of my parent's car I was taken back to when I was about 8 or 9 years old. We were traveling down the same street, headed to my aunt's house. I was nervous. I knew everyone else coming to her house would be completely comfortable there. They lived together, saw one another all of the time, all of my cousins when to school together and had lots to talk about, they had the same friends. They thought nothing of just walking in the door. I, on the other hand, stood and knocked. I felt like I had to be on my best behavior, like I couldn't really be myself. Like I had to be the person they thought I was instead of the person I am. I remember having this feeling more strongly when my parents were dropping me off at some family member's house. If they stayed with me, I was okay. If I was by myself, it was a whole other story. I was fearful. Even now I don't understand why I was fearful. After all, these people were my family. They loved me.

My sister wasn't plagued with the same fears. She never wanted to stay at my grandmother's house. She wanted to be with my cousins. She thrived being with the rest of the family. She never has been one to be content just to sit still and she wasn't then either. I remember on several occasions going to my cousins' house to spend the night. I never wanted to be too far from her. It drove her crazy. But it made me feel more comfortable. It made it bearable. Again, I have no clue why I felt this way. My cousins are great, wonderful, welcoming people. They treated me just like what I was...a member of the family. But they were unfamiliar. I felt like I was the only unfamiliar one trapped in the midst of their world. I wanted to feel like I belonged, but I never did. And to be honest, to this day, I still feel the same way. I try not to, but nothing has changed. I stick close to my mom and dad. I am fine as long as they are there with me. Sad, I know, for a grown woman, but those feelings just will not go away.

I love my family. They are dear, dear people. But as I thought about this strange phenomenon in my life today, I wondered if that's how unchurched individuals feel in the midst of the church. Do they feel alone? Do they feel like they don't belong? Do they come to the doors of the church with nervous anticipation instead of joyful anticipation? Do they recognize the kindness of the people there but still feel like an outsider? Do they desperately long for someone to cling to, someone to feel safe around?

And what about me? Do I respond to that longing in the right way or do I overlook them? Do I just go about my business with my friends at my church, forgetting all along that it's not really my church anyway. It's God's church. How does He want me to respond? I know what it's like to feel like the outsider...to feel like everyone else knows everything about everyone else there except for me, to feel like I have to put on an act, to feel like I can't just be myself, to exist in a state of nervousness and fear.

Of all places where people should feel comfortable and loved, the church should be it. But as a member of the church, I don't feel like I do a very good job. I live in my own little world with my own friends and concerns, rarely noticing the hurting face of the person sitting across the aisle from me. Rarely noticing the scared individual who slips in on the back row and leaves as soon as the service ends to avoid the embarrassment of standing there alone with no one to talk with.

I know that feeling. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I must do something different!

2010: Don't Waste a Moment

2010-01-01T18:34:00.004-05:00

Happy 2010! It's hard to believe another year has come and gone. I spent some time reflecting on 2009 this morning, looking back on what God has shown me and taught me through the year. And He's shown me a lot, mostly about submission. I have a feeling I'm going to be learning more about that in 2010 :)!

One of my new toys for 2010 is a new laptop. I spent some time today organizing my files and documents on my old laptop before moving them over to the new one. In doing so, I allowed myself to do something I probably shouldn't have done. I found a file from 2009, and I opened it and read it. This file contained letters to a person I care for deeply. The writing was good. It was complete, raw emotion. It was unbridled honesty. It was written in love. It was deeply personal but at the same time pertinent for many situations. I was astounded by the truth and wisdom found within these letters. It was obviously Godly wisdom and not of myself! But there was a sadness at the end of this journey down memory lane. The sadness came partly from the situation of love lost, but more so from opportunity lost. When I wrote those letters, I didn't feel like I could share those words with the intended recipient. I didn't feel the time was right. I didn't feel those words would be received well. I was afraid. These words have never gone anywhere past my eyes and the computer screen.

I wonder if they would have made a difference. Not in the short-term. I've made peace with that. But in the long-term. I wonder, if I had put my fears aside, if the words I wrote would have made a difference in the long-term, and by that I mean eternally. Would a life be different today? Would my life be different today? I would share them now, but that would just be weird and completely inappropriate considering the current situation. But it was definitely an opportunity lost.

But I did learn something from my reading. I'm going to do my best to live my life in 2010 in such as way as to not let opportunities like that slip by. I'm not going to be afraid. I'm not going to miss opportunities to share truth and unbridled honesty with others. And I'm going to do my best to do it in a loving and Godly manner. I'm going to take some instruction from my former boss: Say what you mean and mean what you say, but don't be mean saying it.

I'm going to make 2010 a year of taken opportunities and life lived abundantly.

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T23:35:00.003-05:00

Today is World AIDS Day. A day to remember those who've lost the battle with HIV/AIDS. A day to celebrate the lives of those living with HIV/AIDS. A day to recommit ourselves to supporting the fight against HIV/AIDS.

To commemorate the day, I stood proud with a group of community members in making a human, red Ribbon of Life. I stood side by side with a friend, an HIV health educator, and the mayor of our city. I stood side by side with people who support HIV prevention, education, and assistance in our community. I stood side by side with people who understand the seriousness of the AIDS epidemic. I also organized a program to educate my college students on how the treatment of HIV has changed over the years. We heard from a positive voice as well as a member of the medical community. Their message: HIV changes your life, and not for the better. You can live with HIV. You can live a long time with HIV thanks to advances in medical care. But it's not an easy life. It's a life filled with struggles, stigmas, discrimination, and questions. And if each of us would do our part, people living with HIV wouldn't have to experience these things!

A friend of mine who works as an HIV Prevention specialist said today that HIV/AIDS is not just a medical issue. It's a human rights issue. While we may look at the disease from a clean, western perspective, not everyone around the world has all of the resources we have. Everyone deserves access to prevention that works and treatment that works. Not everyone has that. I was overjoyed to see that the new president of South Africa announced today that all South African children with HIV will now be treated with ARV medicines. This is a tremendous change from the previous administrator who refused to believe the scientific facts about the disease, therefore putting the health of millions of people at risk.

But HIV/AIDS is not just a human rights issue. It's a spiritual issue. I dare say that most Christians, even active evangelicals, let this day pass without a thought of HIV/AIDS. I fear that many people choose the attitude that HIV/AIDS is a result of sin so why should the people of God support that? The simple reason: because Jesus loves HIV+ people. Jesus commanded us to love all people. He commanded us to care for the widows and orphans. 6000 children around the world lose one or both parents everyday because of HIV/AIDS. Women get the disease from their husbands who have multiple partners, a practice that is accepted in some areas of the world. They pass the disease to their children. In places like Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, India, South Africa, Haiti, treatment is not readily available or affordable. Luxuries like clean water and nutritional meals throughout the day to be able to handle the medicine are not available. We are called by our Savior to care for the dying, crying, the broken. We are called by our Savior to love our neighbors as ourselves. Though they may live halfway around the world, they are our neighbors. Many are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Did they get infected because of a sinful act? Maybe. But the last time I checked, there were no sinless people on this earth.

More than 2 million AIDS related deaths were reported globally in 2008. This disease is completely preventable! We must educate ourselves, our friends, our families, our coworkers. We must make wise decisions with our bodies. We must respond to this crisis as Christ would. Are you holding the stone or are you drawing in the sand? Are you willing to ask the tough questions? Are you willing to answer the tough questions? Are you willing to make the tough choices.

Life will go on after today. It doesn't have to go on with HIV, though!

Shouts of Rejoicing

2009-11-28T15:42:00.001-05:00

The psalmist opens and closes Psalm 97 with the same command: Rejoice in the Lord. Some modern translations use the word shout. And why are we told to rejoice? Because the Lord reigns. The Lord is King. That truly is a reason to rejoice, just knowing that our God and creator is in control, that He has all the power, and that He knows best! But if I’m really honest, I don’t do a very good job in rejoicing in the Lord. I don’t give God a shout out, if you will, very much. I’m quick to rejoice about other things in my life. Some things that get a shout:

· A letter that comes in the mail announcing a raise
· A game winning touchdown
· Finding $20 in your coat pocket at the beginning of the winter season
· An email announcing that offices will close early today
· An announcement that my budget is being more than doubled (that one even got a dance!)
· A rare phone call from a friend in China
· An unexpected gift
· A great ending to a TV show or movie
· Finding out a good meal is about to be served
· Finding a great deal at the store

The sad thing is all of these things are temporal. And when it comes down to it, after the moment passes, they aren’t very important or relevant. Why am I so willing to rejoice over the things that don’t matter and fail to rejoice in the one thing that does? Why is it so easy to be publicly and privately vocal about the petty things in life but it’s a struggle to publicly and privately rejoice before the Lord. Here’s a list of things that should get a shout in my life:
· Seeing a student, friend, or stranger accept Christ as Savior and Lord
· Discovering a new lesson in God’s word that is completely applicable to my current situation and struggles
· When God reveals a lesson in my circumstance that is undeniably from Him
· Having the opportunity and privilege of serving Him through my local church
· Having extra, unexpected time to spend in His word and just being with my King (instead of wasting it on stupid things)
· Having the opportunity to serve and encourage others
· Being placed in a situation where I can mentor someone in their relationship with God
· Seeing God’s power and beauty in His creation
· When God reveals Himself to me in a new song

Today, right now in this moment, I give God the shout out He deserves, not because of what He can give me or what He can do for me, but simply because of who He is! He is my King. I’m still discovering what that means, but the one thing I know is that He deserves my shout of rejoicing.

Spiritual Development of the "Churched" Student

2009-11-19T05:37:00.003-05:00

It's like I lost contact with a close friend for some time. It's like I lost an appendage and have been figuring out how to go on without it. It's also as if I went on a diet from something healthy, for example, I stopped eating any kind of fruit. And it's all because I haven't found myself here in a long time. I haven't blogged since August. Sure, I can list of all of the excuses running around in my brain, but I think the real reason is that I purposely took a break from exposing my self as a way to protect myself. I don't know what I was trying to protect myself from, but it ends here, today, right now! It's not that I haven't wanted to blog. I just haven't disciplined myself to do it, much like I don't discipline myself to work out on a regular basis, even though I know how critical it is to my overall health. But, like I said, I'm trying to get back on track. The sad thing is, though, I've missed out on tracking my spiritual journey the last few months. But, God has truly taught me so much. The good thing about taking this blogging break is that it resulted in me expressing myself through song writing, something I had not done in a long time! But I want both!!!!

In the early hours of this morning as sleep hasn't been an option, I've been contemplating a new spiritual development theory for college students, specifically for students who are "churched" youth who enter college for the first time. I have had countless conversations with my students that support this theory. I haven't finished developing it completely, so maybe I should call it a pattern and not a theory. I'm sure the scientific and psychological world would dismiss it has craziness, but I see it played out in the lives of my college students day after day.

I guess it really does coincide with some other developmental theories. Early college students are often in a stage of cognitive development where everything is black and white, the teacher has all of the answers, and they aren't really interested in learning. They just want to be told what they have to know for the test. It's not about learning something new or letting this new knowledge transform their lives. It's all about completing a checklist. And sadly, many Christians, but especially students at that age who are considered "churched," approach their spiritual lives that way as well. When I say "churched" I don't necessarily mean spiritually mature. I'm referring to those students who grew up in a Christian home, who attended church on a regular or semi-regular basis, who can give the Sunday School answers to spiritual questions but have little spiritual depth. It seems that their spiritual walk is all about the religion of it all. There's a spiritual checklist that they use to measure their spiritual health.

I pray before my meals...check
I go to church, well, sometimes...check
I don't cuss as much as other people...check
I pray to God in times of crisis...check
My friends know I'm a Christian, at least in name...check
I keep my Bible by my bedside, just in case I need it...check
I'm not having sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend...check
I might go to parties, but I don't drink...check

And for them, this is what the Christian life consists of, little more than a checklist of dos and don'ts. They are good people, or at least they are not that bad. And that's stage one.

Stage two begins when some catalyst thrusts them into a spiritual bubble. Some might say they are "on fire for Jesus." These students attend every Bible Study offered on campus, every night of the week. They decide to become closer to God by only listening to Christian music. They isolate themselves from anyone who doesn't want to participate in Christian things like they do. They absorb every spiritual word they receive but maintain that legalistic checklist, often leading to feelings of hopelessness and guilt because they start to see their own failures and begin to wonder if they'll ever measure up. They want to live their lives for God's purposes, but don't know quite how to mesh that with the world around them. They pick someone to be their beacon of truth and depend on that person's words rather than the Word of God. Sadly, if they never move out of Stage 2, they may fall away completely, taking a lot of other people down with them.

So what's the next stage? Relationship. It's coming to the realization or understanding that living the life God calls us to live is not about a spiritual checklist to see if you measure up. It's not about isolating oneself from the world around us and living in a spiritual bubble. It's not about storing up spiritual information and never doing anything with it other than maintaining a spiritual file. It's about a relationship with the Heavenly Father. It's understanding that we will never measure up outside of the grace of Jesus Christ. It's understanding that being good is not the answer, rather being in a relationship with God is. It's wanting to live your life in such a way as to honor God, to bring glory to His name. It's living out a counter reality within the world's reality. It's learning to live by the only standard that matters, God's. It's daily dying to self and selfish desires and making the desires of God your own. It's putting on the spiritual armor on a daily (or moment by moment) basis. It's realizing that the battle is not against flesh, but against evil. It's seeing that our relationship with God will transform our relationship with other people. If our relationship with God is healthy and growing, our perspective on evangelism is transformed into a relational approach. It's realizing how much God loves us and striving to love Him as He deserves. It's learning to be transparent before the One who knows all and understands us better than we understand ourselves. It's allowing God's grace to cover us.

My biggest struggle is figuring out how to help students move towards that relationship mentality. God has been setting this before me a great deal lately. And I'm just trying to figure it all out. But I know He is faithful, and on that promise I'm choosing to cling!

My Faith needs a Workout!

2009-08-13T09:27:00.005-04:00

My faith is in desperate need of a workout! I am in a season of brokenness, and my prayer is that through that brokenness, God can put me back together again as He wants me to be.

Too many times I want answers instead of trust.

Too many times I want solutions instead of hope.

Last week during a staff development retreat, we completed the Strength Finders inventory. My top strength was Strategic. It is described in this way:

"People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. Because of your strengths, you have a knack for identifying problems. You spontaneously generate alternatives for solving them. You probably consider the pros and cons of each option. You often factor into your thinking prevailing circumstances and available resources. You feel life is good when you sense you are choosing the best course of action. By nature, you occasionally marvel at your ability to vividly express your thoughts and feelings. It’s very likely that you usually feel satisfied with life when your innovative thinking style is appreciated. You automatically pinpoint trends, notice problems, or identify opportunities many people overlook. Armed with this knowledge, you usually devise alternative courses of action. By evaluating the circumstances, available resources, and/or the potential consequences of each plan, you can select the best option."

While this strength may help me be successful in my job, it is often a hindrance in my faith walk. I am so focused on solving problems and finding alternative ways to do so, I often fail to simply put my faith in my Heavenly Father. I don't want to live this way. I want to have faith to move mountains. I want to have hope to find freedom.

So I am praying now, admittedly begrudgingly so, that God will give my faith a workout. That He will teach me in the midst of my brokenness to put my trust in Him. That He will remind me daily that His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are better.

One of my former students was recently in a tragic car accident, and he and his brother are both in two different hospitals in Montana. Jeremy was actually considered a casualty at the scene of the accident, but he is still holding on, clinging to life. Another brother, Trav, has chronicled their family's faith journey via a Caringbridge site. He made this entry a few days ago:

"Our "Americanism" of instant fixes and immediate gratification along with always finding a way to numb the pain or tune it out has been rocked! I've been humbled so far realizing that I should be living in the tension of faith daily no matter what the circumstances. I should not be what I have often been and that is being a stranger who vacations there when despair forces me to. "

Maybe that's what God is teaching me in the circumstances of my life right now. The importance of living in the tension of faith daily. The importance of clinging to God for direction and guidance for the next step. The importance of trusting in God's provision. I don't want to be that stranger on vacation in the realm of my faith. I want to make my home there. I want to put down roots. I want those roots to grow strong! I want every word and every deed to be an expression of my faith in a holy God! I want to take off the mask that I so often wear, both the good and the bad parts, although lately, the bad has been outweighing the good so maybe getting rid of the mask isn't such a bad idea.

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I put in an old Andrew Peterson CD and listened to an old favorite...in fact, I put it on repeat for the entire morning. These words are my prayer today:

Give us faith to be strong

Father, we are so weak

Our bodies are fragile and weary

As we stagger and stumble to walk where you lead

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we're torn

Mend us up when we break

This flesh can be wounded and shaking

When there's much too much trouble for one heart to take

Give us peace when we're torn

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us hearts to find hope

Father, we cannot see

How the sorrow we feel can bring freedom

And as hard as we try, Lord, it's hard to believe

So, give us hearts to find hope

Give us faith to be strong

Give us strength to be faithful

This life is not long, but it's hard

Give us grace to go on

Make us willing and able

Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we're torn

Give us faith, faith to be strong

Enduring Hope

2009-08-02T13:00:00.000-04:00

Today is not what I had hoped it would be. It's not what I dreamed it would be. But it is exactly what God planned and dreamed it to be! God's faithfulness and love are overwhelming. And because of His faithfulness and love, my hope endures. Praise my God who is my everlasting hope!

God is Real

2009-07-28T08:00:00.005-04:00

I wish everyone I know or am acquainted with who doubts God could have been in my kitchen last night and experienced the love of the Lord like I did last night. There is a Christian song that has these words:

All of me, on my knees
Singing holy, holy
Somehow all that matters now
Is you are holy, holy

I fully understand that like I never have before. You see, God has been revealing something to me over the past month of so, and I'm only getting to see bits of pieces of whatever God is doing. And that's not out of some sadistic pleasure God gets from only showing me a little bit at the time. I believe it's because God is showing me only what he has equipped me to handle and understand right now. And that's okay. I take great comfort in the love of a God who knows those things and isn't throwing it all at me at once, AND a God who is daily teaching and equipping me to handle the next step. I don't know what lies ahead, and my greatest fear last night was that I was going to start down my own path, a path based on what I see, instead of walking by faith and letting God show me the next step.

I cried out to him in anguish, and boy did he answer. I described it to a friend like those medical shows where they jab a sharp object into someones chest cavity to relieve the pressure during a heart attack (don't know if that's medically accurate, but that's what I see on TV). It was like that last night. I was standing over God's word, crying out to him to make me obedient, yelling that I didn't understand, and immediately, a peace washed over me. My breathing calmed, what felt like a balloon in my chest seemed to slowly deflate back to normal size. But it was more than a physical peace. It was deep inside of me, my God assuring me that He is Sovereign, He is in control, and He will be faithful in showing me the next step!

I fell to my knees, right there in the kitchen and worshiped my Heavenly Father. There was no other response, no other option. I had to fall face down before my holy God! He is real. He is true. He is faithful. And my priority is to make that known!!!

I serve a God who has called me by name, who summons me, who has designated me as his own. I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to doubt his faithfulness. He is seated on His throne and in control!

I found great comfort from the words of the prophet Isaiah last night:

I call you by your name. I name you, though you do not know me. I ma the Lord and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness. I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord who does all these things. Isaiah 45:4-7

A Word from the Lord

2009-07-26T15:46:00.002-04:00

A word from the Lord that I needed to hear this morning:

The goal is make Him known!

Childhood Vacations

2009-07-25T23:51:00.004-04:00

Someone asked me recently what my favorite vacation as a child was. I didn't really know how to answer that question. You see, for most families, vacation is something that happens once or twice a year, an event planned months in advance that includes travel to places unknown. Not for my family, though. It was not uncommon for my dad to decide on Thursday evening that we were going to North Carolina for the weekend. It didn't even have to be a 3 days weekend. And we lived in South Georgia...it's not like North Carolina was just a hop, skip, and a jump away. We would leave on Friday afternoon, drive as far as we could, spend the night, wake up early and drive the rest of the way, spend Saturday and Sunday going to all of our favorite places and finding new ones, and leaving Sunday afternoon for a long ride home. These trips were great fun, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

We rarely took special vacations, and if we did, they usually coincided in some way with a conference my dad had to attend for work. One of the things that amazes me about working with college students is that every now and then I'll come across a student who has never stayed in a hotel before. This always catches me by surprise. I mean, by the time I was 10, I had stayed in my fair share. They weren't always the best, rarely 5 star. I do remember this one time getting to stay at the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island because of a meeting my dad was attending (one of our family vacation, ahem). I remember it because they put dark chocolates on the pillow, and I found the housekeeping cart and raided a few extra chocolates. I also remember coming back to our room one day and finding a fruit basket. My dad wouldn't let us touch it. Some insurance company that was trying to woo him for his business had sent it. My dad had no intention of using them, so he didn't think it was ethical of us to enjoy the fruit. That was so not fair! Most of my hotel stays were places like the Holiday Inn or Ramada Inn. As long as they had a pool, I was good to go. And a TV in the room...we weren't allowed to have such at home, so hotels were great for that reason alone. My friend Teresa's little boy is so excited this week because they are going on vacation to Charlotte. Now, Charlotte is only about 45 minutes away, but it makes it vacation because they are staying in a hotel. Just think if parents realized this about kids. They could save lots of money on vacations by just going to the next town over and staying in a hotel. Their kids would never know the difference!

Now, before the hotel stays, in days where my parents were either poor or cheap (a little of both I think) there was camping. Knowing what I know about my mom now, it is hard for me to believe she ever did this willingly, but she did. I wish I remembered more about this days, but honestly, I only have bits and pieces. I was so young. What I do remember is that those are some of the best times of my childhood. Speaking of saving money...but I don't know that it would be such an easy sell for today's youth. There's no technology (at least in the type of camping I'm talking about), you go to bed early, wake up early. The fun is in learning to set up the tent, hear ghost stories from your dad, laughing when your parent's air mattress deflates in the middle of the night, trying to find the bathhouse in the dark, cooking outside, playing games as a family, and really just talking to one another. Wow, I think I want to go camping now!

I was talking with a friend today about cars today and all of the technology perks people look for. Don't DVD players and TVs keep kids and parents from talking to one another, just on trips from school to home, not to mention on long drives like vacations. Part of the fun on those long drives were all the games you played to keep yourself entertained, like the Find the Alphabet on the street signs game, I-Spy, or Cows (apparently this was a Day family thing that only works when traveling in rural areas with lots of cow pastures and cemeteries!). Catching up on my reading was also a great car ride activity. And listening to music together as a family. What fun is it if everyone can hear their own thing? My childhood would not have been the same without Psalty the singing songbook tapes. I still know most of the words to those songs! And when we had listened to all of our tapes multiple times, we resorted to singing together, you know the silly songs, the nursery rhymes. How sad is it that we will have a generation of young adults who will never know these simple pleasures in life.

So what was my favorite vacation as a child? Well, I can list a few.

1. Trips to Hendersonville/Asheville: I'm lumping all of these many trips together. One of the best parts was staying at the Holiday Inn with the indoor pool. It's not even a Holiday Inn now, and it looks pretty shabby on the outside, but as a child, it was heaven on earth! The also had an indoor hot tub. And it was right next to the World of Clothing. A trip to Hendersonville was not complete without a visit there, but I'm talking old school World of Clothing, not the current version. Oh, and shopping right across the street at the Picture Me outlet. So much fun to get new clothes every year! And eating at Jimmy's! I so wish that Italian restaurant was still in business. It was only the best place ever! I remember one specific trip where we went to the Biltmore House. We were going on a Sunday afternoon, after church (you see my family still went to church, even when we were out of town), and I didn't want to go in my Sunday dress. I cried and cried. I'm sure I was quite annoying to my family, and I've apologized profusely to my mom and dad now that I'm an adult. We also ate at the Deer Park Restaurant inside of Biltmore. Because I had such a sour attitude that day, I pouted that I would find nothing to eat. My mom promised me there would be a hamburger on the menu, but she was wrong. Truly, the only thing I would eat (or could pronounce) from the menu was Broccoli and Cheese soup. I think about that experience every time I see Broccoli and Cheese soup to this day! Every now and then we'd stay at some different place, a cottage or B&B. Those were fun times, too. Favorite trips often revolved around the Apple Festival in September and a visit to the Sky Top Apple Orchard. I still love going there, and lucky for me, it's only 45 minutes away!

2. Nantahala Village: Now I know this seems awfully close to Hendersonville and Asheville, but this was one of those rare planned vacations. We spent several days there. We stayed in a stone cabin, went horseback riding and my sister's horse almost went off the mountain. We went gem mining! It was a great vacation, and one I've never forgotten.

3. Illinois: When I was around 13, my mom got a call one Sunday morning from a lady who told her she was her sister. She also told her she had a total of 8 other siblings. This was news to my mom, and we planned a trip that summer to meet these new family members. Their family home was in rural Illinois, so everyone gathered there for a weekend. I got to meet my biological grandfather for the first time and found out I had lots of new aunts, uncles, and cousins. I remember catching fireflies in jars, eating watermelon, playing until it got dark and we were forced to come inside, hearing their family stories, and marveling at how much my mom looked like her new found sisters. It was a great trip and introduced me to a whole new side of my life.

4. Oklahoma: I turned 7 in Oklahoma. My dad had to go to a meeting in Texas, so my mom and her friend, Ms. Sue, drove us out to Oklahoma where my grandparents were living at the time. I remember seeing a guy driving in circles on the road on the way and learning that Ms. Sue was deathly afraid of driving/riding over bridges! We had so much fun there. One of the best memories is when my cousin Michael, who was either in his late teens or early 20s at the time was given the task of babysitting us kids while our parents and grandparents went for a walk. Michael decided to take us to the park down the street. It had been raining that week, so around the merry go round a the park was a big moat of water. I got on and Michael started running around, making us spin. I fell off into the water. He was so scared that my mom was going to be mad that he made us rush home and try to give me a bath before they made it back. But as we came up the road towards the house from one direction, my mom and everyone was coming up from the other direction. He was so funny about that, and the funny thing was, my mom didn't seem to care!

5. The House Boat ride: My parents decided that we would rent a house boat and spend a few days floating down the Suwanee River. I guess they were trying to help us feel like Stephen Foster! What made this so exciting was the fact that we got stuck in the middle of the river one afternoon on a sand bar. We had to spend the night there. I still have this clear image in my head of my dad getting up really early that morning to dig us out with a broom handle!

6. Bardstown, Kentucky: This was a place we went several years in a row and one of the places we would camp at. We always went to see the outdoor musical drama of the Stephen Foster story. We went back just a few years ago. It was as spectacular as I remember as a child! The ladies in their pretty dresses, dancing with umbrellas, singing some of my favorite songs such as Beautiful Dreamer, Old Dog Trey, Old Folks at Home, and more! These trips helped solidify my love for musical theater and my need for my life to be like a musical!

7. Philadelphia: My dad served as the president for a local civic group one year, and he had to attend the national convention of this group. So, that became our family vacation. We rode the train all the way from Georgia to Philadelphia. We did all of the touristy things, stayed in a really nice hotel (paid for by someone else where the hamburgers were more expensive than the ones on the train), ate breakfast at Burger King every morning, and had the best clam chowder ever made at Wanamaker's Department store. I love American history, so this trip was perfect for me. I've been back to Philadelphia several times, but nothing will ever beat that first trip.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that stand out the most. The crazy thing is, they didn't include trips to big expensive amusement parks and weren't very far away from home. Some of the best trips were when we just got in the car and drove, not really knowing what we were going to do that day. Most of the best trips were our weekend adventures to the North Carolina mountains. I wouldn't trade these days for anything. I wouldn't want cruises or trips to Disney World or weeks at the beach year after year. Part of the fun was the unknown. Most of the fun was simply being together as a family.

So mom and dad, thank you! Thank you for making vacations so fun. They may have been simple. They may have been cheap. You may have gotten sick of watching us at the hotel pool for hours on end and frustrated when we didn't want to do anything but go back to the pool and play, but you did it anyway. You exposed us to new things. You took us places that would teach us to appreciate God's creation. You took us places that would teach us to appreciate history. You took the time to help us appreciate one another. Thank you!

My favorite vacations as a child, and there are many, are my favorite not because of the destination but because of the fun and the time with family. I appreciate my parents for helping me understand that.

When the Blog World and the Real World Meet...

2009-07-23T20:49:00.002-04:00

So, today I sent an email to a guy named Ryan Bult. He's the missions pastor at Crosspoint Community Church in Nashville, TN. I sent him an email to ask for some help and guidance on a service trip I'm planning for my students over Fall Break. Their church had participated in a service opportunity at the tent city in Nashville, and I wanted to get some insight from him, and let's just be honest, some help. I became familiar with the church through "blog world." Bring the Rain, the blog of Angie Smith, introduced me to Crosspoint, which in turn introduced me to the blog of their pastor, Pete Wilson, and then the blog of his wife, Brandi Wilson. I listen to Pete's sermon's online on a pretty regular basis and in those sermon's he has referenced Ryan, so that's why I knew to contact him.

In some weird way, though, because I have become familiar with these people through "blog world," they have achieved somewhat celebrity status in my head. I know that sounds crazy and any of the people I've mentioned above would probably laugh out loud if they read that, but it's true. I know they are just regular people, serving God in the ministry to which He has called them, but in my human mind, they are celebrities. So, when I walked back in my office after lunch and saw Crosspoint Community Church show up on the caller ID, I immediately answered. It was Ryan Bult, the celebrity in my mind, calling me! We had a great conversation, and I think he is really going to be a great resource as I continue to prepare for this trip, but in the back of my mind, the whole time, all I could think of was, "I'm talking to Ryan Bult, from Crosspoint!"

I know this is stupid. I even kept telling myself (in my head of course) that this was stupid. But it still excited me to have the "blog world" and the real world meet! It's about as stupid as me crying for five minutes over the Taylor Swift video about her mom that I watched right before I left for lunch. And when I say I was crying, I was crying, hard. And for five minutes after it was over, just trying to explain it to someone else. My friend Kerie thought I was crazy but was immediately more understanding of why I cried at the end of High School Musical 3! At least she got a good laugh.

Anyway, it was just a weird moment but a moment so obviously orchestrated by my Heavenly Father that I was a bit humbled. I am so thankful for "blog world," and I think it and the real world should meet much more often!

Day of Small Things

2009-07-14T21:39:00.002-04:00

From the ESV Study Bible Intro to Zechariah: "Under the circumstances, it was easy for the people to conclude that theirs was a "day of small things" (4:10) in which God was absent from his people. In such a context, faithful obedience was viewed by many as useless: pragmatically, it made more sense to pursue to best life possible in spite of the present difficulties."

How culturally relevant is that for today??? I don't really know that this blog has much of a purpose but to flesh out some things I've been thinking about and struggling to understand. I decided to do a little study of the book of Zechariah because of a sermon I heard Sunday night. It's so difficult to truly understand the prophets of the Old Testament until you understand what was going on in their world at the time of writing. As I was reading the introduction, the quote above struck a chord in me.

I've been heartwrenched (don't know if that's a word, but it pretty much describes how I've been feeling) lately over the lack of urgency I have to share my faith with others. I had to call someone the other day to do a reference check for a student. The reference happened to be a pastor in our community. When I finished the business portion of the conversation, this man asked me where I go to church. I answered, and his response was one of utter relief. He said, "Great. Then you're a believer. That's so wonderful." I was a little taken aback by his question and comments and shamefully thought, wow that could be a big turnoff to people. But quickly I realized that this man has it right. He's not afraid to find out where people are in their relationship with Christ. He put it right out there. A positive response from me was not what he was looking for. He was looking for the opportunity to share the love of God with someone who may not know it! I want to have that same sense of urgency. Tonight I struggled with an email I was sending to a friend. I honestly didn't feel like he wanted my God-centered perspective, but I didn't know what else to say. Everything else seemed to fall flat. God's sovereignty and providence were the only words of encouragment that made sense. But why did I struggle in writing that message. This is what I believe with all of my heart. Why don't I have a sense of urgency to share it, both in word and in deed?

I've been heartwrenched lately because I'm seeing so many people who aren't "ready" for God right now. They know about God, but they have no interest in knowing God. This brings me to tears. Like the people in the days of Zechariah, people today find faithful obedience useless and strive to live life to the fullest. Well, I agree that we should live life to the fullest, but the fullest life can only be found in Christ! Why do we all think we have more time? Why is surrender so hard?

We are not living in the "day of small things." We are living in a world where God hears our cries and delivers us from our fears. We are living in a world where God is active, where the Holy Spirit is moving, where God desperately seeks a relationship with us, his creation.

I want to transform my tears to action. I want to transform my heartwrench to love. I want to prove my God and His faithfulness over and over again. I want to sing with my life, "This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long!" God is not absent. God is not distant. God is here! God is alive! God has given us life to live to the fullest...if only we will grab hold of it!

2009-07-06T07:13:00.004-04:00

Army Wives is one of my favorite shows on TV. It gives a very entertaining view of what life could be like for those who are married into the military, the struggles they face trying to boost morale, financial struggles, struggles of being left behind for months running a household alone, struggles of being away from your spouse. Last night's episode, however, portrayed something a bit different.

One of the main characters, incidentally a new mother, is about to be deployed to Iraq. She tells her husband that before she goes, she wants to have her baby daughter christened. As she is self-admittedly "not religious" this request takes her husband, who apparently attends church regularly, by surprise. He is elated and agrees to call his pastor. I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised when the pastor arrives to meet with the wife about the christening as he did not waste anytime getting to the heart of her own spiritual health. He even mentioned, shockingly, the importance of having a relationship with Jesus! He didn't do this in a pushy or overbearing way. He simply explained the importance of baptism and the important role that parents have in helping their children grow in their faith. (Side note: I will not get into the fact that infant baptism is an unbiblical practice here, because that is not the point of this blog posting, but it is something of which I am fully aware.) The pastor just asked questions. In fact, the exchange between them went like this.

Pastor: "I am especially eager to hear about your relationship with our Lord."
Joan: "Uh, well, I see, I don't have one actually. As a soldier I have a deep reverence for tradition."
Pastor: "Baptism is more than tradition. It is the cornerstone of our faith."
Joan: "I thought this was about Sarah Elizabeth."
Pastor: "Your daughter will emulate you in walking her own path with Christ. Joan, have you been baptized?"

The scene ends there, but a few minutes later she tells her husband that she felt like she was being interrogated. She said she wanted something more like their wedding where they got to write their own vows and there wasn't so much religion. In fact, as the episode continued, the parents found another church who would perform a dedication of the child. At first, I was excited and surprised they were taking this path, however, then it was explained that the dedication wasn't really about God at all. It was about community.

This didn't surprise me. You see, it fits right into our postmodern culture. People want religion to make them feel good about themselves. They will go to church as long as they don't have to hear anything that questions their goodness. Religion is considered an important part of life, much like being involved in a civic organization. However, hundreds of thousands of people are missing the point. It's not about religion. It's about a relationship with Jesus Christ, exactly what the first pastor on the show said. I don't know why it frustrated me to see the media portray him as being pushy and unreasonable. I should have expected it. But I was so taken aback by his honesty and his mentioning of a relationship with Christ, I was hoping it would turn out differently.

The sad thing is, this character's view is shared by millions of people all across our nation. We are a consumer driven society, and we've transferred that mentality over to our churches. And some churches, in an attempt to grow and some even in an attempt to reach more people for Christ, have fallen right into the trap of consumerism. And it's so easy. We want to measure our success by numbers. We want to measure our success by people's satisfaction with what we offer. It makes sense...from a worldly viewpoint. Not so much from a Godly perspective.

I'm currently reading a book that addresses this challenge facing God's church. It's entitled Franchising McChurch: Feeding the Obsession with Easy Christianity by Thomas White and John M. Yeats. It's a very interesting and thought-provoking read, and I recommend it to anyone involved in church ministry. You can click on the link above to find out more about it.
The authors argue that the church, in an attempt to grow and keep up with an ever-changing society, is or is in danger of falling prey to a McDonald's type mentality. Churches, and the consumers within churches, fall into the trap of measuring their success rates by efficiency, predictability, calculability, and control. While these things can help us understand our effectiveness, relying on one or all of these methods rather than focusing on the Great Commission and the biblical model for the church can quickly draw us from Godly obedience to consumerism.

The quotes below, taken from the book, address the same issues brought up in last night's episode of Army Wives.

"Whatever the spiritual influence, with so many products being offered, the true consumer picks and chooses which product fits his or her given needs during a given moment. With a loss of commitment and no long-term dedication to any institution, the true end of consumer-driven religion is an individual pick-and-choose religion that finds no ties binding one to messy relationships and institutions. p. 141

"The 'happy news' presented at some consumer-driven churches appears to be a magic wand, a talisman, or an additional feature that simply makes living the current life better. For some, God becomes a fairy godmother whom they call upon whenever something new is needed. For others, the gift of God appears to be a bonus offer of eternal fire insurance. So while experiencing all that the world has to offer, they simply add on this 'God thing' to make their experience even better. For others the gospel is like an extra feature on a new car. Although there is nothing wrong with this life and they see no problem that needs fixing, God can enrich the experience and be there just in case He is needed." p. 144

Why we are surprised that this is happening, I don't know. Paul writes to Timothy,

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 2 Timothy 4:1-4

As Christians, as members of THE church, we must be ever vigilant in living our lives in such a way that relationship with Jesus is emphasized over religion. We must be diligent in making sure that our churches are preaching the whole Word of God, not just the parts that make people happy or make life seem easy. Jesus even promised that in this world we would have trouble. We must live free, as servants of God. We must live as those who have hope in the One eternal! We must walk the tight rope of speaking the truth in love, even though the world may see it as judgement. We must be careful to steer clear of judgement that is motivated by self-righteousness but never be afraid of speaking God's truth, for we are promised the God's Word will not come back void.

This is a high order. One that can only be fulfilled through a relationship with Jesus, for we are weak. We will falter, but we must remember the words of our Lord to the apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Plan to Be Surprised

2009-07-04T12:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I went to Gastonia to have lunch with Kristen. Kristen and I went to college together at Mercer, and God saw fit, some years later, to put us together again in the same place at the same time. Our friendship has grown so much since then. As we were outside playing with her soon-to-be four year old son, she asked me,

"Did you ever imagine when we were in college that you would be here playing with my kids?"

My answer was no. But then I followed it up with, "But I don't really remember what I imagined my life would be like." She agreed.

Just a few moments ago, I finished watching the movie Dan In Real Life. He ends the movie with the following narration.

"...life plans, and how we allmake them. And how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, our plans don't work out as we'd hoped. So instead of asking our young people, 'What are your plans? What do you plan to do with your life?' maybe we should tell them this...'plan to be surprised.'"

Plans...imaginations...hopes...dreams. I think the movie may have gotten it right. Plan to be surprised! You will be anyway.

I want to live my life with that in mind. I want to plan to be surprised.

Discouragement: What to Do

2009-07-03T09:23:00.003-04:00

I recently found myself at the end of the work day feeling very discouraged. Something that I had hoped would happen that day had not, and the feelings of disappointment were overwhelming. I left work, drove home, walked right into the house and grabbed my Bible. I didn’t really know what to do with these feelings. After all, as Christians, we’re not supposed to be discouraged, right? We’re supposed to have the joy of the Lord. And I did, but I also was hurt and a little angry and somewhat in disbelief. And at the moment, those feelings were surfacing much more in my demeanor than the joy of the Lord. I wasn’t quite sure what to do about that, but I knew where the answer could be found.

There was another thought pattern that was bothering me, as well. I knew I had to be at church just a couple of hours after I arrived home. Sadly, I felt an overwhelming need to "deal with" my feelings before I got to church. I didn't want people there to see me like that. What? That makes no sense! None at all! Of all places on the face of the earth, I should feel most comfortable taking off the mask, so to speak, at church. That should be a place I don't have to put on a happy face and smile. Now, I don't mean that churches should be full of people who are sad and/or complaining all the time, but I do feel that it should be a place where people are comfortable sharing their struggles with one another...and that should result in prayer, right then and there. Anyway...

As I dove into God's word, I found great solace in Psalm 34. The words of the psalmist reminded me that my Lord will deliver me from my fears. I learned that the Lord’s ears hear my cry for help. I was relieved to hear once again that I serve a God who can deliver me from my troubles. My favorite verse, verse 18, echoes a verse in Psalm 147. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Most importantly, the psalmist’s words reminded me to “taste and see that the Lord is good!” I had forgotten to really see how good my Lord is. I realized that I had put my hope in something other than my heavenly Father that day. I realized that I had put something else on the throne of my heart.

That was the root of my discouragement. I had put my focus and my hope on something that was bound to disappoint. I had to stop beating myself up for feeling that way and surrender my heart and my will, once again, to God. It really is a daily struggle and too often I'm scared to admit that. I guess that's all a part of being authentic, though.

32 Years

2009-07-01T06:12:00.002-04:00

I turn 32 today. And if I am completely honest, my life looks nothing like I thought it would at 32, at least as a child.

I never imagined I would have the job I have. In fact, as a child I wanted to be a grocery clerk, teacher, boutique owner, or get this one...full service gas station attendant when I grew up. I also thought I would have appeared on the Price is Right, but that hasn't happened either. But I practiced, believe me! I never imagined I would have the opportunity to help shape the lives of young adults. I never imagined I would have a job where I can use my God-given creativity and encourage people to follow their dreams. I never imagined I would have a job where I get to play for a living! I never imagined I would have a job that I loved going to every day.

I never imagined I would have the friends I have. I also never imagined that I wouldn't be close with friends from childhood, but I must admit that Facebook allows me to at least keep tabs on people with whom I grew up, and that's really nice. I really am blessed to have so many wonderful friends who truly care about me. I have friends I can pray with, laugh with, cry with, be silly with, do crazy things with, and everything in between. I have friends that tell me the truth when I need to hear it, no matter how much it might hurt. I have friends that let me dream. I have friends that buy me lunch each Sunday! I have friends that serve as my family when mine is so far away. I have true friends in all age groups, and my friends keep me grounded. Most importantly, my friends lead me toward the throne of grace

I never imagined I would live here. Growing up, we always took family vacations to Hendersonville/Asheville, North Carolina. Even just for a weekend away, we would pack the car and drive eight hours to the mountains. I never imagined I would live so close. I never imagined I would live right in the midst of the Blue Ridge Mountains. And here I am, right in the middle of God's beauty.

I never imagined I would have the opportunities I have. I get to travel places with my job. I get to help lead worship on Sunday mornings through song! I get to work with incredibly amazing and talented people day in and day out. I have this blog as a forum to share my deepest thoughts, questions, prayers, frustrations, etc. I have a house in which I can entertain and show hospitality to others. I have endless opportunities to serve others.

So while my life is not what I imagined it would be, it is far more than I ever imagined! I can look back over the past 32 years and see how God has painted the tapestry of my life. One experience builds on another. Experiences I had in high school prepared me for experiences I have now. My first real job out of college truly prepared me for the job I have now. There are countless people in my life who have taught me, discipled me, loved me, ultimately shaping me into the person I am now.

When I look back over the last 32 years, I am overwhelmed by the goodness and providence of my Heavenly Father. I am truly thankful that God always has been and forever will be the Author of my life. The words of an old song by the group Truth put it best.

We have come so far

You have been so good

When I trace the road that we have traveled

I gotta tell you Lord

I look at where we are

And see where I could have been

And I need to say again you've been so good

Who would have guessed that we would come so far?

God's Power

2009-06-23T08:20:00.004-04:00

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. Psalm 145:3-6

This morning, during my time with God, I realized that I don't reflect on the power of God enough. I too often fail to recognize the power of God. I too often fail to share with others how the power of God is at work in my life, in this world. I don't meditate on the splendor of God's majesty or on His works. Yet it is all around me. So this morning, I chose to do just that. I chose to meditate on God's power and to declare His power to others.

God's power can be seen in the miracle of human life, how the body can heal itself, how all of the organs work together to give life, how the body protects itself from disease, how the human mind has the capacity to think and create and make decisions.
God's power can be seen in the beauty of His creation. Blooming flowers, mountains, the beach, the birds, even the bugs!
God's power can be experienced through the sacrifice of Jesus for the atonement of our sins. While God cannot stand sin, he created a way for us to stand before Him. While we are found unholy and found unclean, through Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection we can be found redeemed.
God's power can be known through His universal presence in our lives. The Psalmist wrote in Psalm 139 that we can never go anywhere away from the presence of God. A.W. Tozer puts it this way, "We never need shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our most secret thoughts."
God's power can be seen in the storms. He has control of the wind, the waves, the lightening, the thunder, the rain. He can destroy and He can protect.
God's power can be known through the storms in our lives. Many times He uses those storms to position us to where we need to be to be used by Him!
God's power can be seen through His blessings.
God's power can be seen through His providence. We are not independent creatures moving along haphazardly or coincidentally. God is in control of all things and guides us through life according to His plan, even if we don't recognize it!
God's power can be seen through the innocence of a child.
God's power can be experienced when we allow Him to help us overcome our fears.
God's power can be known in our surrender.

As I was thinking of the power of God, an old hymn came to mind, I Sing The Almighty Power of God, by Isaac Watts. I went and got a hymnal to read through the words, and one line stuck out.

"While all the borrows life from thee is ever in thy care,
And everywhere that man can be, Thou, God, art present there."

Borrowing life. Wow! Imagine how different this world would be if Christians lived their lives with the attitude that all life is borrowed, that our time is on loan from God. I know that I would treat it more carefully, that I would appreciate it more, that I would take care of it in a different way. Think about the last time you borrowed something from someone, something they treasured. You treated it as if it were porcelain glass. You wanted to return it in better condition than when you borrowed it! Oh, that I would live my life that way!

When I was a very young child, my dad worked for the Georgia Baptist Children's Home. We lived in a house that belonged to the organization. The carpet in the dining room was white. Because this was a "borrowed" home, my mom went to great lengths to take care of this carpet, so far as to put a sheet under my chair when we ate. She didn't want me to drop something on the carpet that would leave a stain. I was only 2 or 3 years old, but I remember this experience to this day. I didn't want to eat with a sheet under my chair! I thought I was a big girl. It was embarrassing!!! But my mother was doing whatever she had to do to protect what someone had so generously put into her care.

We are living on borrowed time. We should make the most of it. We should take great care of the life we've been given, but not for our own glory, but so that our God might be pleased, so that the One who so generously gives us life will alone receive the glory, so that the One who is all powerful may be proclaimed throughout the earth! In the verses above, note the command we've all been given to commend the acts of God to the generations that come behind us. What a tall order, and one that I fail at so often, and most often because I fail to recognize the power of my God, and because I live my life as if it's my own. I don't want to do this anymore!

God, open my eyes to see your power, to see your goodness, to see your majesty. And give me the grace to give you the glory for your might! And through your power, may my hope in You alone be ever made strong. You so generously allow me to borrow life. I want to live it for your glory!

The Cross in the Spider's Web

2009-06-21T18:02:00.003-04:00

He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail. 1 Samuel 2:9

Several weeks ago on my vacation, I was out walking one evening, enjoying God's beauty in the mountains when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks. I realized there was a huge spider web in front of me. I only saw the spider web because of some pinestraw that was hanging in it. I was even more surprised when I realized the pine straw was naturally hanging in the shape of a cross. The web itself was beautiful, but the straw in the shape of the cross inside of the spider web made me want to take a picture. When I did, this is what happened. I promise, no editing was done to this photo. The cross was not drawn in. I guess the flash of the camera, mixed with the lighting of early evening, naturally created this effect. I even took a second picture just to make sure, and it turned out the same. I was struck by the lesson this image provides. The cross prevented me from walking into the web. The cross guided my path away from "danger." My Jesus, who gave His life on a cross for the atonement of my sins, does the same thing, if only I will listen to his voice. As promised in the verse above, He will guard my feet as I follow His path. Another thing that struck me as odd is that I was intending to take a picture of the cross inside the spider web, but the spider web didn't even show up in the picture. The pinestraw making the cross is so illuminated, and the spider web, while it seemed big and overpowering at the time, can't even be seen. Another image to serve as a reminder of how powerful our Savior is! Jesus, the Light of the World, overpowering all darkness. Wow!

A Lingering Smell

2009-06-17T08:08:00.005-04:00

I came home from vacation last week and noticed that something didn't quite smell right. Since the cat's litter box is right there near the door, I figured she must have been feeling a bit uneasy in the three days I was gone. That had to be the source of the smell. I promptly emptied the litter box and went about my business. The next day, there was still a smell. I checked the trash (which I had emptied as I walked out the door for my trip), I checked to see if there was any bad food in the refrigerator or pantry, but I found nothing. I kind of shrugged it off and continued about the day. On Saturday morning, I woke up, and the smell had moved from the front of the house to the back of the house. I had a busy day at church, so I decided on my way home that evening I would buy some of that carpet fresh powder stuff. Maybe it was in the carpet. Surely that would get rid of the smell. Well, my clean linen smell lasted about 15 minutes, and it didn't really mix well with the odor that was consuming the house. But I forged on. On Sunday, the smell was really bad in the back of the house. I wasn't there most of the day, so it wasn't too big of a deal until Sunday evening. I again checked the refrigerator and trash cans. I joked on the phone with my dad that there was something dead in my house. Okay, I must say that this option really freaked me out. I don't do well with dead things! So, I tried to ignore the smell for another day. Finally, on Tuesday I thought, I should check under the crawl space of the house. I opened up the door and found standing water (with mold on top) right inside the door. I didn't really see anymore water, but I figured that had to be the source of this odor. Since I live in campus housing, I told our Director of Maintenance, and since it was the end of the day, he promised to check it out the next morning.

That evening when I got home around 8:15, the odor nearly knocked me over as I went in the door. It was horrible! I began to wonder what I should do. My dad offered to pay for a night in a hotel, but I didn't really want that. That idea of something dead inside my house kept creeping up to the front of my mind. I finally concluded that my inside cat must have killed something while I was on vacation and left it for me to find. Let me state again, I don't do well with dead things. I don't want to see them. I don't want to know what they looked like. I don't want anything to do with it! I went through my list of friends who would be willing to come over that late in the evening and search my house for this dead animal. I finally decided to take advantage of living on campus with a police force and called one of the officers on duty. This is how the conversation went:

Jimmy: Hello
Kim: I need a favor. It's kind of personal.
Jimmy: Okay. What is it?
Kim: There is something dead in my house, and I will pay you if you will come find it and get rid of it.

After some laughter he promised to be there in a few minutes. He, too, was nearly knocked over by the smell at the door. With his experience with dead things as a cop, he said immediately, "Yeah, that's the smell of death." Now this did not make me feel better, but I accompanied him as he looked behind couches, in closets, and more to try to find the source of the smell. He was baffled like me because there seemed to be no place in the house where the smell was strongest. It seemed impossible to pinpoint where it was coming from. I finally decided to show him what I had found under the house. He saw the moldy water, but was not so sure that small amount could cause such a putrid smell through the entire house. He took his flashlight and started looking through the vents (I don't know if that's what they're called, but that's what they look like)on the outside of the house. When he got to the last one, he found the source of the smell. A dead cat! That vent was broken leaving a small hole open so that an animal could get under the house, and there was even fur on the broken part.

As he tried to recover from the smell, I was racking my brain trying to figure out who to call to come get this dead cat. I certainly wasn't going to ask Jimmy to do it. First of all, that's not his job as a campus safety officer. Secondly, Jimmy is over 6 feet tall. Not exactly the size of person who could easily crawl under the house. Thirdly, the smell was horrific. I wouldn't have even asked my worst enemy to go under there if they weren't being paid to do so. But Jimmy offered. He had to get the other officer on duty to bring the mask and filter that police officers use to handle dead bodies and such, but he got it out. And I am so very thankful. It was quite the adventure as the cat's body was covered with maggots and the inside was full of beetles. I know, nice mental picture, huh? The great thing was, I never had to see it. He kept trying to get me to look at it, but I refused, seeing as how I don't like dead things!

Okay, now to the point of this post. After all of that was over and the cat was gone, I went back into my house on a mission to get rid of the odor. I burned several candles throughout the house for several hours. I sprayed cinnamon room deodorizer.

But the smell of death lingered.

This morning when I said that aloud to myself, the Holy Spirit brought something to mind. Is this how I live my life? It's how I lived my life yesterday, and several people noticed it. In defeat. Do I live in the lingering smell of death from the cross? Sometimes I find myself there. I fail to recognize that through the death and resurrection of Jesus, I have victory. He did not stay dead. The women, who were braver than I am about dead things, went to put the burial spices on Jesus' body that third day. I bet they were expecting to find the lingering smell of death. But they didn't! They found an empty tomb, and because of that empty tomb, we have the victory! I don't have to live in defeat. I don't have to live with the lingering smell of death. I don't have to settle for that attitude or for that life! Paul says it like this in his letter to the Romans:

"Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!" Romans 5:9-10 (The Message)

Heavenly Father, may I not live in the lingering smell of death, but in the hope of the resurrected life through my Lord, Savior, and friend, your Son, Jesus Christ.

Vacation 2009

2009-06-12T12:01:00.009-04:00

It's been a long time since I've been on vacation and actually done vacation type things. Usually, my "vacations" mean taking a few days off work, sitting around the house, catching up on those things I have desperately wanted to do for so long, or visiting my parents. Last year I spent my vacation in class from 8 am to 5 pm every day! But this year I decided I needed to take a real vacation. So, I called up my friend Teresa, made plans to head to the mountains, and decided to do whatever I wanted (well, within reason).

We went to Bryson City, NC. While there's not much in this little town, it is full of friendly people and the area offers no shortage of outdoor activities to keep one busy. We stayed in this little cabin off the beaten path. When I say little, I mean little, but it was cute and clean and fit into our budget quite nicely. Here's a picture of the satellite TV they adverstised!

Yeah, it wasn't much, but it gave us a good laugh. I felt like Laura Ingalls all week because my bed was in the sleeping attic! Yes, I had to actually climb a ladder every night to get up there. Let's just say I made sure I went to the bathroom right before I went to bed each night. It was too much trouble to climb up and down multiple times! The guy who owns the cabins, Joe, was really nice and was always helpful. So, if you're looking for a place to stay in that area, I highly suggest the Cabins at Nantahala (http://www.cabinsatnantahala.com/) Just make sure you go in a vehicle with 4 wheel drive. That hill has to be at a 70 degree incline! It's a tough drive and a tough walk!

On the first day we drove over to Fontana Dam. I was excited about this because I read on a website that you could actually ride a tram down to the bottom of the dam and tour the Power House. Okay, yes, I'm getting old when I want to do something educational on my vacation, but I'll own up to it! Unfortunately, they stopped all of that after 9/11 for security reasons. I don't think they've updated the visitor's center at the dam since 1978, but it was interesting all the same. This dam was built over a three year time period during World War II, when the country needed another power supply. It's made mostly out of concrete because of the difficulty in getting steel into the mountainous area in a timely fashion. Most of the work force was brought in because the local workers were either away fighting in the war or were driven from their land and homes because of the construction of the dam (more on that below). Anyway, it's pretty interesting to see. They get a lot of hikers from the Appalachian Trail over that way since the trail actually crosses the dam. We ran into a few of those as well.

After lunch at Fontana Village (which interestingly was built to serve as the town/dormitories/barracks for the people building the dam), we headed back to Bryson City to find the Road to Nowhere. It really and truly exists. You see, when the government came in to build the dam and the resulting Fontana Lake in the 40s, hundreds of families lost their land. Some sold out to the government. Some refused and were forced off of their land for "the public good." Much of the land was flooded by the creation of the lake. The rest of the land was designated National Forest land. A major highway leading into the area was flooded by lake, and the government promised to come back in and build a new road so that families could visit cemetaries whose access was blocked due to the formation of the lake. They built about a six mile stretch, including a bridge and a tunnel, but construction was halted in the 1960s because of environmental issues. When that was cleared up, there was no money or interest for continuing the construction of the road. To this day, the Tennessee Valley Authority provides boat rides across Fontana Lake to family members throughout the year so that they can visit family burial grounds. The local residents designated this partial road as "The Road to Nowhere." It's a pretty sad story, but the road and the tunnel have become a tourist attraction of sorts. Hiking trails abound in the area through the Great Smokey Mountains National Forest. So we set out to travel down the Road to Nowhere. I had a lot of fun inside the tunnel because of the acoustics! I don't think my friend Teresa was as excited as me. You see, I was singing and making noises throughout the tunnel, just listening to the echoes. She kept saying, "Shut up. This is the place where the girls go missing and they just find their shoes." It was kind of desolate. I was reminded of the time when I was a little girl and my family went on vacation to Kentucky, including a visit to Mammoth Cave. My mom's main memory from that experience is me singing Jesus Loves Me at the top of my lungs throughout the tour of the cave. She says I just wouldn't stop! She was embarrassed then just like Teresa was on this trip. All joking aside, the story of this area just breaks my heart. So sad for those families, but I guess there is a price for progress. There has apparently been a lot of political debate about this issue, too. I see both sides of the issue, and I'm not so sure there is a solution that would make anyone happy. One day, I want to hike the trail that leads past the tunnel. They say there are lots of bears in that area. Sounds like another vacation plan to me!

After our trip down the Road to Nowhere, we went Gem Mining. Now I'm convinced that this is the only reason Teresa agreed to go on this trip to me. She is not a mountain person, nor does she really like the outdoors. Several years ago, though, she saw a documentary on the Travel Channel about Gem Mining in the NC mountains. She has wanted to go since that time. We kind of laughed at her, and I offered to make her a box with a piece of screen attached to it and a bag of dirt so that she could share in the experience. This was not enough for her. She wanted the "real" thing. So, we went gem mining.

While we did find some stuff, the part of this that is fun is the actual search and the anticipation of what you just might find! We both found some amethist, fools gold, topaz, and as the man at the Gem Mining store put it, "some really beautiful rocks!" Regardless of what we found or didn't find, we had a great time doing it!

The next day included a ride on a jet boat on Fontana Lake. While I'm not sure it was worth the price I paid, it was definitely fun. And it was a beautiful ride. More on that in a subsequent blog post...I promise! The second half of the day found us whitewater tubing at Deep Creek. This has to be the most economical and family friendly activity around. You can seriously rent a tube for $5 from 9 am to 8 pm and ride the rapids as many times as you wish. There are picnic tables and grills at the end of the tubing run, great for picnics and fun! You do have to carry your tube about 3/4 mile up the trail to the put in spot, but it's well worth it. Now Teresa didn't make it all the way up the trail. The "whitewater" on the way kind of made her uneasy, but I continued on. I inadvertantly joined a church youth group in front of me. It's not like I could help it too much. I just had to go where the water took me! I did this as a child at summer camp, and it was just as much fun as I remember! I can't wait to go back!

Finally, a few other "gems" we found along the way. One was an ice cream shop in Bryson City called Soda Pops! It has lots of the old fashioned stuff that most ice cream places don't make anymore. We went twice! The owner is a really nice guy who makes the best Chocolate Ice Cream Sodas! They also have real fresh squeezed lemonade and orangeade! If you ever find yourself in the area, I suggest you stop in for a treat.

Also, on Wednesday night we ate at this place, cause I don't know really what else to call it, called Pittsburghs Grill. It's a great place to eat after rafting or kayaking, or just if you're hungry! You sit outside, there's only two choices (a pittsburger or a pulled pork sandwich), and the food is free! That's right. All free. You only have to pay $7 for reserved seating. You see, the owner cooks the food, fresh to order, on a wood fire grill. If he called himself a restaurant or food stand, he would have to cook on something else, therefore compromising the taste. So, you just have to pay $7 to sit down and you get your choice of a burger, pork sandwich, chips and drink for free! The food is great, and the company is even greater. You'll get the chance to meet Little Girl, a part lab part German Shephard mix, and you might even see a wolf while you're eating! Yes, I real, live wolf...fully domesticated though. Again, if you're in the area, stop by, take a seat, relax, enjoy the atmosphere, and the great food!

Well, that's it for Vacation 2009. It was a great week of relaxing, enjoying God's beautiful creation, and having lots of fun! Can't wait for another vacation, and I'm not even back at work yet!

Remember When?

2009-06-08T10:53:00.003-04:00

This weekend I went on a whirlwind trip around Upstate South Carolina to attend several wedding/wedding related events. On my way home Saturday evening, I stopped at a gas station in Union, SC to fill up. My friend Trina laughed at me, okay, I laughed at myself, too, as I stood standing at the gas pump unsure of what to do. You see, this gas station didn't have pay at the pump. It's been so long since I've bought gas at a gas station without pay at the pump that I forgot what to do. I seriously stood there and stared at the gas pump like an idiot!

The experience got me thinking about all of the other things, technology upgrades and cultural changes that have changed how we do things, so much that we often forget what we did or how we did before! Here is my list of remember whens:

1. Remember when to change the channel on the TV you actually had to get up and turn the nob. Now, this wasn't all that bad since there were only about 12 channels to choose from and two of them were those UHF and the other letter one that were just fuzz, at least on my TV. I also remember that the adults in my life used me and other kids as the channel changers. Hmmm...

2. Remember when you really only did have 12 channels to choose from, and in my hometown, three of those were duplicates. We got two NBCs, two ABCs, and two CBSs. So not fair! Oh, and I fondly remember those Disney Channel free preview weekends. I was so excited to get to see the Mickey Mouse Club and KIDS Incorporated. Now I have over 100 channels and still sometimes can't find something to watch. Something is wrong with that!

3. Remember when you had only three choices for the color of the text and graphics (I use that term liberally in this instance) on the computer screen: green, amber, or blue. How far we've come!

4. Remember when the locks on car doors were manual. Parents had to do that long stretch reach to open the passenger side doors and the doors in the backseat for their kids! It made it a lot easier to "break in" to the car when you accidentally locked your keys inside, too. And everyone was responsible for locking their own door when they got out. I sure got in trouble for forgetting that when I was a child!

5. Remember when you needed information on some topic and you actually had to go to the library, look up a book in the card catalog (which incidentally had actual cards) and go find the book, spending hours getting the information you needed. I don't think they even call them card catalogs anymore. It's the Library Database. If they do, some kid, or teenager, is going to ask that question one day that will make me feel as old as the punch card computer system...why is it called a card catalog??? Now, if you need information, for instance, lyrics to a song, you just sit down at the computer and find the info. in seconds! I'm so thankful for this upgrade!!!

6. Remember when the first cordless phones came out and they only had the pulse dialing. It was as bad as having a rotary phone. And, if you ever had a rotary phone in your house and were trying to win a contest on a radio station, say you needed to be the ninth caller, you had to move the radio by the phone, dial all of the numbers except the last one, until they open the lines for the contest. Oh, and if you were in a hurry, it was such a pain to have a number with a zero in it. It took forever to dial!

7. Remember when you heard a song on the radio and wanted a copy, you had to wait until the song came on again, be ready with your trusty tape player and record the song from the radio broadcast! You got the DJ and any background noise in the room. This was when top 10 countdown shows and nightly request and dedication shows were very important. You knew you were guaranteed to hear the song then! You always had to be prepared. And oh, the horror, if someone accidentally recorded over your favorite song. Oh, how I love you iTunes!!! And my Blackberry for that matter. Just last week I heard a portion of a song on my way to church that I just had to hear again. I recognized the artist's voice, looked it up on the internet while stopped at a red light, found the song on youtube and listened to it the rest of the way to church! Wow...we've come so far.

8. Remember when TV dinners came in metal pans that had to be cooked in the oven. And the only good parts were the Mac N Cheese and the brownie! But you had to be careful because if it was cooked too long, the brownie would be too hard to eat. Yum!!!

9. Remember when people actually kept a collection of maps of different states in the glove box of the car, just in case. Okay, maybe this was just my family. I remember stopping at the welcome centers for each state (which were on major US highways at that time, not interstates) to get a free map! And the welcome center going into Florida on US 1 also gave away free orange juice and grapefruit juice. Always a stop for our family!!! It's so sad to drive by there now. I think they finally tore the abandoned building down. But the GPS has replaced the need for maps. Much more compact and you don't have to figure out how to fold it back the right way in a small confined space. GPS might just be a gift from God!

10. Remember when McDonalds used their own characters to make their playground equipment. No ball pits or tube slides. There were the fry kids on springs. The Hamburglar had the thing where you climbed up the ladder, and played inside the hamburger, like a prison (maybe I should rethink how great this was...) and if you were really adventurous, you could climb up the ladder and look out the hole of his hat. Grimace was a cage like thing where you got in and shook it from side to side, but I remember needing several kids to make this work the right way, or at least to make it fun. The Captain Crook slide...just a slide people, but so much fun! And the see saw thing. Not sure what characters were on it, but oh well. And we can't forget Ronald McDonald. He wasn't really a piece of the playground. He just kind of watched over everything. It doesn't sound like much fun now that I've described it. Maybe that's why McDonalds opted for the current versions of their playgrounds!

11. Remember when you actually had to wash dishes by hand, oh wait, I still have to do that! I am my own dishwasher. Fun times...

What's on your list of "Remember when?"

Sharks? That Can't Be Him...

2009-06-07T21:06:00.005-04:00

Tonight I caught a bit of the movie Finding Nemo on TV. In the scene I saw, the bird (don't know his name) rushed to tell Nemo that his father had traveled the whole ocean just to find him, fighting sharks and jellyfish, and all other kinds of things. Nemo, from inside the fish tank at the dentist's office, immediately changes moods. He goes from excitement to doubt. He says, "Sharks? That can't be him."

I was immediately struck by how similiar Nemo's response to this news about his father is to my own in regards to my Heavenly Father. Too often, I doubt His power. Too often, I doubt His love. Too often I doubt His grace. Too often, I fail to remember the lengths at which my God has already traveled just for me. He loves me. He's promised to care for me. He's promised a future for me! There is no God like my God!

"Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable!" Psalm 145:3

Why?

2009-06-03T22:57:00.003-04:00

So, we all ask why from time to time. I just thought I'd make a list of the "whys" currently running through my brain.

1. Why did the DOT spend over 2 years widening less than 1/2 mile of a stretch of the road that leads to my house, only for the water works people to come in just after completion and tear two big holes in the new road, redirecting traffic again, for months!

2. Why does my computer forget that it has a CD-R/DVD-R drive from time to time? Seriously, why? And it's always at the least opportune time, too!

3. Why did the creator's of Sony Vegas not make a pan/zoom feature that is easy and usable?

4. Why am I so good about hanging up my clothes at the beginning of the week, but by Wednesday, the chair in my bedroom is covered again?

5. Why do I continue to eat corn? I know it messes up my digestive system, but I keep on eating it. (probably more info. than anyone wanted to know!)

6. Why does every entertainment news source keep putting Spencer and Heidi in front of my face? And why do I perpetuate the madness by reading and watching it? It's like watching a car wreck. I don't want to see it, but I can't look away.

7. Why are Jon and Kate continuing this madness? I wish, for the sake of their family, and the rest of us, they would bow out gracefully, buy out their contract with TLC, and handle all of the family drama in private. This is not meant to be a judgment. I really feel bad for them, and regardless of who did what, I truly believe God can provide restoration to their marriage and family. I just wish they would do it in private, especially for the children!

8. Why am I so enthralled by reality/unscripted TV?

9. Why does my cat decide to lay down on any kind of reading material I place on the table?

10. Why am I writing this blog instead of doing my 30 Day Shred workout?

11. Why would a mother leave her two toddler-aged children unattended and unsecured in a running car while she goes inside the drug store? The little boy, no older than two, was sitting in the driver's seat, pretending that he was driving the car. Keys in the ignition, car running. Could have been disaster. And the mother was inside on her phone oblivious to the danger! Really?

12. And finally, why did Sonic have to be so crowded tonight that I didn't get my free root beer float? Oh well, Bruster's was better anyway! I had Fudge Ripple. I haven't had that since I was a child! Great memories!!!

Dug Up and Dethroned

2009-06-03T06:56:00.003-04:00

The house next to mine is vacant. It's been vacant for close to three years now. Since the last residents moved out, not one shrub had been trimmed, until a few weeks ago. I asked my "landlord" to have someone trim the 8 foot tall azalea bushes and other random shrubs that were making the house, and the whole street, look abandoned. I know abandoned houses attract varmin, of the animal and human variety, and I wanted to avoid that at all costs. In an effort to show my support of this project, I even spent 3 hours one evening cutting and trimming with my hedge clippers that were no match for these massive branches. I did clean out two huge piles of honeysuckle vine, and I was quite proud of myself.

Then, Friday morning came, and when I left for work, the men had just shown up to "trim" the shrubs. I didn't exactly get what I was hoping for. I can imagine the conversation went something like this.

Jed: "Tom, you know, if we trim these shrubs today, we're just going to have to do it again sometime."

Tom: "You're right, Jed."

Jed: "And you know Tom, they're planning to tear this house down in the near future. No one's going to live here again. Why trim the shrubs? You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Tom: "Yep, Jed. I think I am. Let's just get rid of them all."

And that's what they did. I got home to find nary a bush or shrub around the house. Everything was gone. They had dug up all of those plants from their roots. Instead of the house looking abandoned, now it looks naked. I had to laugh, realizing that those grounds keepers certainly know how to eliminate work for themselves! If I had known they were going to take that route, I certainly wouldn't have wasted 3 hours of my time trimming and pruning. I wasn't really mad, but I was a little frustrated.

And then I read something in my Bible a few days later that made me see this situation in a completely different light. I am currently reading A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God. In Chapter 2, he discusses Abraham and the sacrifice of Isaac. We find the story in Genesis 22. Basically, Isaac is Abraham's long promised son. And God asks him to take Isaac up to the mountain where God would show him and sacrifice Isaac. Abraham was obedient and took Isaac up the mountain, got so far as to tie him up and lay him on the altar and raise his knife to kill him when God stops the whole thing. Instead, God provided a ram for the sacrifice. Isaac was spared.

I always read this story and saw it as a test of Abraham's faith. And I think it was, but Tozer's commentary on the passage helped me view it in a new context. You see, Isaac meant everything to Abraham. Tozer explains,

"Abraham was old when Isaac was born, old enough to have been his grandfather,
and the child became at once his delight and idol of his heart. From the
moment he first stooped to take the tiny form awkwardly in his arms, he
was an eager love slave of his son. God went out of His way to comment
on the strength of this affection. And it is not hard to understand. The baby represented everything sacred to his father's heart: the promises of God, the covenants, the hopes of the years and the long messianic dream. As he watched him grow from babyhood to young manhood, the heart of the old man was knit closer and closer with the life of his son, till at last the relationship bordered upon the perilous. It was then that God stepped in to save both father and son from the consequences of an uncleansed love." (p. 24)

Abraham started to put his love for Isaac above His love for God. He made Isaac an idol of his heart. Not too long ago, I had an idol of my heart...okay, I've had many in my lifetime and probably several right now, but let's focus on this one particular one. It wasn't that this idol was bad in and of itself, in fact, it was good. It was exciting and exhilarating. It made me feel good. It made me feel alive. And I wanted to honor God through this idol, but somewhere along the way, I took God off the throne of my heart and put this idol in His place. I was willing to change the course of my life for this idol. But at the same time, I honestly wanted to seek after God. I loved God, but I also loved this idol, and not in the right order.

So what does God do for his children who are honestly seeking Him but place an idol on the throne of their hearts? Let's go back to the story of Abraham. God has finally given him a son as he promised, and now he command's his servant to give him up? This makes no sense! Or does it? Tozer explains it this way,

"Now he was a man wholly surrendered, man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing. He had concentraed his all in the person of his dear son and God had taken it from him. God could have begun out on the margin of Abraham's life and worked inward to the center. He chose rather to cut quickly to the heart and have it over in one sharp act of separation. In dealing thus, He practiced an economy of means and time. It hurt cruelly, but it was effective." (p. 27)

I had asked for the bushes at the house next door to be trimmed. Instead, they ripped them from the ground at their roots. They got rid of them completely. Trimming would have resulted in those shrubs growing tall again. Trimming would have resulted in more work in the future. Digging them up from the root, however, removed the issue all together. Now those workers can put their focus on things that matter. And when we place idols on the thrones of our hearts, God sometimes does the same thing with us in order to get his rightful place back. He did it with me and my idol. It was stripped from me in one fell swoop! And it was painful. And I questioned. But it was a matter of obedience. It was a matter of the heart, and I want God on the throne of my heart. I don't want an idol or idols there.

It's the same with sin. If we recognize sin in our lives and try to prune away at the edges, thinking this will at least diminish the sin's reach, the sin remains. We must get rid of it at the root. We must destroy it from the middle. Trimming the edges will never extinguish the sin from our lives. It will only cut it back for a time. And the destruction of the root only comes through repentance, not suppression!

It's so easy to put idols on the thrones of our hearts. And they may be good things. A job, a relationship, money, fame, even ministry opportunities. But only one person deserves to be on the throne of our hearts. And if you are earnestly seeking God, don't be surprised if sooner or later he brings you to the testing place. As Tozer says, "At that testing place there will be no dozen possible choices for us - just one and an alternative - but our whole future will be conditioned by the choice we make."

Removing the Veil - A.W. Tozer

2009-06-01T09:24:00.002-04:00

Below is an excerpt from A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God. I don't want to live my life on this side of the veil. I want to be ever in the Presence of my living God!

"Everything in the New Testament accords with this Old Testament picture. [of the Tabernacle] Ransomed men need no longer pause in fear to enter the Holy of Holies. God wills that we should push on into His Presence and live our whole life there. This is to be known to us in conscious experience. It is more than a doctrine to be held, it is a life to be enjoyed every moment of every day. This Flame of the Presence was the beating heart of the Levitical order. Without it all the appointments of the tabernacle were characters of some unknown language; they had no meaning for Israel or for us. The greatest fact of the tabernacle was that Jehovah was there; a Presence was waiting within the veil. Similarly the Presence of God is the central fact of Christianity. At the heart of the Christian message is God Himself waiting for His redeemed children to push in to conscious awareness of His Presence. That type of Christianity which happens now to be the vogue knows this Presence only in theory. It fails to stress the Christian’s privilege of present realization.

According to its teachings we are in the Presence of God positionally, and nothing is said about the need to experience that Presence actually. And the present generation of Christians measures itself by this imperfect rule. Ignoble contentment takes the place of burning zeal. We are satisfied to rest in our JUDICIAL possessions and for the most part we bother ourselves very little about the absence of personal experience." (from Chapter 3)

Stand Guard

2009-05-26T21:27:00.004-04:00

We were not allowed to stand on it. We were not allowed to sit on the couches around it. I'm surprised we were even allowed to look at it.

The Gator Rug!

You see, in the lobby of my high school auditorium there was this rug. A big beautiful, plush rug with a huge gator on it. The gator was our mascot. And one would have thought that this rug was God's throne. During school hours, if there was a need for anyone to be in the auditorium, there was someone there to guard the rug. We affectionately (or sarcastically) called them the "auditorium ladies." I don't know how you became one, but their main job was to protect the rug at all costs. Everyone knew not to even attempt to get close to the rug if the auditorium lady on duty was around. It was like an unspoken code. I think all students who attended Ware County High School in the late 80s and early 90s have been yelled at for daring to come close to the rug. I admit that sometimes we made it a game. We tried to distract the auditorium ladies long enough for a friend to have the honor of standing on the gator rug. But a tongue lashing was sure to follow as soon as the eyes in the back of their heads opened up!

For community events, though, the rules changed. They still stood guard at the rug, but they allowed people to stand on it, to sit on the couches around it, to admire it. My fellow classmates and I often took joy at attending community events because that meant for a brief moment, we could stand on the rug without being reprimanded. I don't know why they didn't just hang it on the wall. There, the rug would have been protected from the dirt and grime from peoples' shoes. On the wall it could have been admired from afar. On the wall, it would have been safe. I guess they recognzied that the rug had a purpose. In order for it to fulfill it's purpose it needed to be on the ground. So, instead of hanging it out of reach, they hired these ladies to stand guard.

I still laugh about that rug. I wonder if the rug is still there. There is a new high school. That school is now the middle school, and I'm not sure how much the auditorium is used anymore. I wonder if they still hire auditorium ladies. I wonder if they are still standing guard.

Their zeal for that rug, though, is the same zeal we should have for our own hearts and lives. God commands us to guard our hearts in Proverbs 4:23.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

How often do we fail to do this! We do not guard our hearts from bitterness and envy. We do not guard our hearts from lust. We do not guard our hearts from hatred. We do not guard our attitudes. We respond to people out of hurt and anger. We make decisions based on our own wants rather than God's word. We make decisions out of selfishness, with no regard to how it might affect other people. We say and do things because it's our right, right? All the while, we are allowing our hearts to become hardened. We are allowing things to take root in our heart that don't belong there.

We need to be as vigilant with our hearts as those auditorium ladies were with the gator rug. Most of the time, I am careless with my heart. I don't guard it like I should. I allow myself to be distracted by the flashy and enticing things of the world. I allow the dirt and grime of the outside to discolor my heart and make it stained. And when it's dirty, I don't love like I should. I don't serve others like I should. I don't look at others as better than myself as I am commanded by my God.

But like the rug was never hung on the wall because it served a purpose there on the lobby floor, I cannot hide my heart away. Sometimes I think it would be easier that way. Go away to some quiet and solemn place like the monks, removing myself from the world. But I am here to serve a purpose. I'm still discovering God's purpose as my life unfolds, and what an exciting process it is to remove the wrapping paper layer by layer! That purpose will be something great. With God's design, as that purpose unfolds, people will look at it in admiration, not at me or at anything I can do but at the marvelous things my creator God is capable of if I am a willing vessel.

I need to find some auditorium ladies for my heart. I know just where to find them. Their names are bible study, prayer, worship, fasting, tithing, and rest. They come adorned in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. They can help me be vigilant in the task of standing guard around my heart.

Hope

2009-05-20T08:09:00.002-04:00

Each week, I listen online to the sermon from a church in Nashville, TN, Crosspoint Church. Currently, the pastor, Pete Wilson, is preaching a series of sermons entitled Hope Now. This sermon series has made me start thinking more about hope. Recently, I changed my ringtone on my phone to the song with the same title by the group, Addison Road. Every time my phone rings, I think about hope. This morning as I was getting dressed, I thought about all of the many ways I use the word hope throughout the day.

I hope it doesn't rain.

I hope this works out.

I hope you can understand.

But those things aren't the hope that I should have. That kind of hope is failing. That kind of hope is measureable. I have a hope that is unfailing and unmeasurable. My hope is in God alone! So, I made a list.

I don't have to put my hope in coincidence, because I put my hope in the creator of all things.
I don't have to put my hope in circumstance, because I put my hope in the God of providence.
I don't have to put my hope in love from another human being, because I put my hope in God's agape love for me as evidenced by Calvary.
I don't have to put my hope in the stock market, because I put my hope in the giver of all good things.
I don't have to put my hope in the kindness of others, because I put my hope in my Abba Father.
I don't have to put my hope in medicine, because I put my hope in my healer, Jehovah Rapha.
I don't have to put my hope in science, because I put my hope in my omnipotent God and creator.
I don't have to put my hope in the universe, because I put my hope in an omniscient and omnipresent God.
I don't have to put my hope in my own abilities, because I put my hope in the Spiritual Gift giver.
I don't have to put my hope in my own wisdom, because I put my hope in the Holy Spirit.
I don't have to put my hope in my job or in money, because I put my Hope in the Lord, my Sustainer.

Where does your hope lie?

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
And when the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free!

Made to Worship...I Wish We Could Grasp That

2009-05-19T08:18:00.003-04:00

In this past Sunday morning's service, we recognized the high school graduates. This is always a bittersweet service for me. I don't know why I am moved to tears at the thought of graduations, but I am. I even cried during the Saved By the Bell high school graduation. (The reasons for that will make a lot more sense if you read my previous post!)

After all of the graduates were recognized, the congregation sang a song. It wasn't anything new. It was a song we sing often: Chris Tomlin's Made to Worship. But it seemed new. Just moments before, Jarrett had reminded those teenagers that God is doing a new thing. He is making us new. He is moving us to new places. He is showing us new things. And He showed me something new through the congregational singing of that song.

He had filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

You and I were made to worship

You and I were called to love

You and I are forgiven and free

When you and I embrace surrender

When you and I choose to believe

You and I will see

Who we were meant to be

It became my prayer of sorts for those graduates. First, I was overwhelmed by the idea that God has purposely filled our hearts with wonder. There are reasons we don't understand things about this world. There are reasons we don't know everything there is to know about God and how He works. And that's okay. God has placed wonder in our hearts so that we will always remember our purpose and our role.

"I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." God's Decree."For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think." Isaiah 55:8-9

Oh, when I think of all the things those students are going to wonder about. What major to choose? What job to take? What class to take? What clubs and organizations on campus to join? What friends to make? Should I go out with my friends the night before exams? Should I go to these places everyone else is going that I know aren't pleasing to God? Should I drink this? Should I smoke that? Should I cheat? Should I copy this from the Internet? Should I respond to this text message? Should I tell that teacher how I really feel? Should I give that campus cop a piece of my mind? Should I go to church this morning? Why did my friend leave? Why did my heart get broken? Where are you God?

So many questions. And the world wants to provide so many wrong answers. The world wants to throw answers in there that will take them down paths of pain and destruction. But God has placed wonder in our hearts so that we may recognize our shortcomings and give Him the glory! So that we may recognize our weaknesses and let Him make us strong. So that we may remember who He is and that we are His children, loved beyond measure, given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift.

The questions aren't bad. The questions are normal. The questions lead to growth! As we got to the chorus of the song, I begin praying with all of my might that these students would remember that we are made to worship and we are called to love. I want them to hold onto that hope! I want them to remember that truth! Oh, if I had remembered that in my own journey, how different it might have been. How many other people might have seen Christ's light through my life if I had remembered that simple truth. Some of those questions might have had different answers for me.

Again, I recognize the validity of the questions. The questions and doubts are healthy things that force us to determine what we believe and why we believe it. The questions and doubts can bring us so much closer to the throne of God. The questions and doubts help us see how God is working in ways that we never imagined. But with the questions and doubts come bad choices, wrong decisions, consequences, pain, sorrow. My initial instinct is to want to save them from all of those things. And I pray that they will be. I pray that God will have His hand on each of them and that the foundation they have built will be like rock, strong and able to withstand the storms of life. I pray that God will sustain them in their times of wonder and remind them of His sovereignty.

And I pray for myself. I pray that I always remember that I am made to worship. I am made to bring Him glory. I am made to lift Him up. And doing these things is a choice. I recently heard someone say, "You don't drift into hope. You choose hope." So today, I choose hope. I choose to always have an answer for the hope that I have. I choose to live my life in such a way that points others to the light of my Savior. I choose to make choices and use words that bring Him glory. I choose to fix my eyes on Him. I choose to recognize that my sovereign God is both the author and perfecter of my faith!

I choose to remember who I'm meant to be!

Saved By the Bell: I Want a Reunion

2009-05-17T15:46:00.004-04:00

I love Saved by the Bell. It's one of those shows that I will watch whenever it's on, no matter how many times I have seen the episode. And I've seen them all! I know them all! In detail. I am completely supportive of a SBTB reunion! I know the cast has moved on and probably no longer wants to be associated with the roles, but really, where would they be without SBTB? I see Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding) every year at a conference I go to. He gets paid thousands of dollars to go around and speak on college campuses! Must be nice! So seeing him in the video above, I somehow feel like he's a friend of mine. I know, I know, hanging out at the Atlanta Sheraton for a few days doesn't make you friends, but he's friends with friends of mine...and I talked to him at the late night jam...doesn't that count. Maybe I'm a little overly obsessed with Saved By the Bell. As I think about that statement, I have several reasons to back it up:

1. I can tell you within 30 seconds of the show's start what that episode is about...any episode, any season...well, not the New Class, but the original ones.

2. I own the Saved By the Bell soundtrack, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

3. My friend Melissa and I learned the words and the dance moves to "Get Down and Go For It" by Hot Sundae (the group Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa were in for the episode where Jessie should have gotten an emmy for her lines, "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so...scared.")

4. I still know the words to the song "Get Down and Go For It" and embarrassed my college students and coworkers by singing along with it when it was on TV in the game room a few weeks ago!

5. I almost didn't attend the last football game of the year my Junior year of high school because that was the night the movie, "Saved By the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas" came on. I threatened the life of anyone in my family who messed up the recording of it! That VHS tape is still at my parent's house somewhere.

6. I have the Saved By the Bell game. Actually, it belongs to my friend Joni, but she let me borrow it and I've never given it back. I don't play it, though. I promise.

7. I have a t-shirt that says "Mr. Belding is my Homeboy." Dennis gave it to me several years ago at the conference. Notice that here in my blog he and I are on a first name basis!

8. I know that Scott Wolf, Tori Spelling, and Leah Remini all had supporting roles on Saved By the Bell prior to their stardom on other shows. Scott Wolf was in the background (he did some "good" acting singing in the glee club!). Tori Spelling played Violet Biggerstaff, Screech's girlfriend. Leah Remini played Stacey Corosi, Zach's girlfriend the summer the gang worked at the Malibu Sands Beach club.

9. I can sing the senior class song from start to finish. "The football games, the Max, and the romances..."

10. I often wonder what happened to Leanna Creel. She's the actress who played Tori in those last few episodes of their senior year when Tiffani Amber-Theisan and Elizabeth Berkley bailed on the rest of the cast. My question would be, should she be invited to be a part of the reunion? Hmm...I'll have to think on that one for a while. And the sad thing is...I probably will!

11. Other characters that it would be fun to hear from (but this would make a reunion show last forever, hey, what's the harm in that?)

Maxwell (the nerd with the dog that Jessie had to kiss)
The twin girls who were never given names but were in most episodes
Mrs. Belding (only in one episode, but she was the woman behind THE man)
Zach's mom and dad
Miss Bliss and Milo from the Jr. High days
Max
James, the waiter at The Max who was an actor
Jessie's brother, Eric
Terrible Testaverti (the teacher who talked so fast and also did those Micromachine commercials)
Mr. Tuttle
Sylvester
Ox
Moose
Louise
Leon Carosi
Christie...the girl wrestler
Slater's sister
Slater's father
Miss Simpson
Mr. Dewey
Jeff (the guy Kelly dumped Zach for right before the big dance)
Mr. Belding's brother, Rod
Lisa's parents (they deserve it...they got their car wrecked for it!)
Casey Kasem (he was in at least two episodes...Zach Attack anyone???)

Wow! I have lots of useless information running around in my head. So, if you like Saved By the Bell as much as I do...okay, probably not possible, so if you like it even a little bit...head on over to Jimmy Falon's show page and sign the petition to have the cast back together for a reunion. We all need to remember Saturday mornings of bad acting, predictable writing, horrible cliches and stereotypes, over zealous anti anything bad messages, and memorable fun, right?

Anticipation

2009-05-13T14:54:00.003-04:00

I had an x-ray hip injection today. It sounds worse than it is! In fact, when the doctor walked in the first thing he said to me was, "The worst part is over. The anticipation." In this case, it was true! The anticipation of the procedure was much worse than the procedure itself. It didn't help that they told me things prior to the appointment like...you'll need a driver, you'll need to take the day off work. Neither of those things was true, and I am thankful for that. I'm thankful that the shot didn't really hurt all that badly. I'm thankful that the x-ray techs were so much fun and made me laugh the whole time!

As I thought about the doctor's comment, though, I was struck by the idea of anticipation. We anticipate a lot of things! Good and bad. We anticipate Christmas. We anticipate summer. We anticipate lunch! We anticipate a diagnosis. We anticipate fear. We anticipate sadness.

As a Christian, I anticipate what everlasting life in heaven will be like. And I am so thankful that God works in such as way that both the anticipation and the reality will be more than we ever imagined! John 10:10 says, "I have come that they might have life and have it to the full." That's talking about life in the here and now. When we choose to follow Christ and to live our lives by His standard, we can experience this abundant life. We can have abundant life while anticipating everlasting life. The New Testament describes heaven as a place with no more pain and no more sorrow, a place radiating God's glory! With Christ, both the anticipation and the reward are worth it. There isn't a worst part!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Thank you my Jesus for the gift of anticipation!

Let Me Hold You Longer

2009-05-10T14:24:00.004-04:00

When the Holy Spirit has His hands on something, there is power! That's what happened with this song.

So, here it is. This is by no means a professional video. I usually have a strict rule about watching myself on video...or even allowing myself to be videotaped. I'm completely against it! But since I couldn't spend Mother's Day with my mom today, I wanted her to be able to hear the song, so I suspended the rule for the day.

***Side note - We mean no copyright infringment on Karen Kingsbury's book, Let Me Hold You Longer. We simply used it for inspiration. A good deal of the lyrics of this song belong to her, and we are more than happy to give her the credit! Karen, if you ever read this...I hope you approve!***

Rose Petals

2009-05-09T21:12:00.003-04:00

I am not a gardener. In fact, I have a brown thumb. I get it honestly...a gene straight from my mother. My sister got my father's green thumb. So she and my father would probably have never embarked on the flower petal adventure I'm about to describe. They would have known better.

But despite my brown thumb, I have a rose bush in my front yard that has done incredibly well this spring. It constantly has beautiful roses on it. I can take no credit for it, as I do nothing to make it grow. Yesterday, I was in the front yard enjoying my beautiful flowers and relishing in their wonderful fragrance. I picked up a few rose petals off the ground. They still smelled so good. I thought to myself...if I collect some of these and put them in a bowl in my kitchen, the kitchen will smell like roses! Boy was I wrong. No wonderful scent came from the rose petals. They just withered. They changed from something beautiful to something brown and dead.

I realized that apart from their source the rose petals lose their beauty, their fragrance, and their purpose. They change from something beautiful that brings great joy to something ugly that must be thrown away. Apart from the rose bush, the rose petals die.

Just like people. Apart from our source, God, we wither, we lose our beauty, we lose our fragrance, we have no purpose. Eventually we will die. This is what Jesus was talking about when he said,

"I am the vine. You are the branches. If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Nothing...apart from Him I can do nothing! Why is it so hard for me to remember that? Why do I go through a whole week failing to pick up the Word of God to study it? Why do I go through a whole week failing to memorize and meditate on Scripture? Why do I make choices that drive me further apart from Him? Why do I put things into my body and mind that push me further away? God promises in His word that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. (James 4:8).

Why do I spend so much of my time trying to be apart from Him then? Why do I insist on trying to gather my life as rose petals in that bowl on my kitchen counter? Why am I not fighting to stay connected to the vine?????

I want to be fragrant. I want to be beautiful. I want to be connected to the vine! That is my prayer. That is my earnest plea.

Still?

2009-05-07T21:34:00.003-04:00

I had lunch with a friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a long time. During the course of the conversation she asked "the" question..."So, are you dating anyone?" When I shook my head no her response was "Still?" I hate getting that response. It's almost worse than the question. It feels as if the person is saying, "What's wrong with you?" I know she wasn't but the worst thing is, she put into words how I truly feel.

"Still?" It's a question I've posed to God for many years.

This blog post will have no real answers or conclusions. It's just a series of questions all wrapped up in that one question. I feel some weird obligation to always have an answer or complete my thoughts in these posts, but not today. Because I don't have an answer, just questions. And that's okay!

So, Question #1: Has God ordained for me to be single all my life?
If He has, then I accept it wholeheartedly. After all, there could be worse options. I could have other burdens. I could have other, much harder struggles. I know that God knows best and has a plan for me, but if I am really honest, I don't want to be single. I want to be married. I want to come home to someone every night. I want to fit in with all of my married friends. I thought the need to "fit in" would end with high school, but it doesn't. It's painful to be invited to go out to eat with friends who are married with children. I usually decline, even if I want to go, even if I don't have anything else to do, because avoiding the situation somehow seems better than not fitting in. Ugh! I want to share my hopes and dreams with someone. I want to take care of someone. I want someone to go to movies with, to do projects around the house with, to worship with, to pray with, to serve God with. I want someone to hold me when I'm hurting. I want to take care of someone when he's sick. I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick. I want someone to hold my hand as I get that shot in my hip next week! I want to have sex. Yes, I said it. I believe God's plan for sex is only within marriage, so I am a 31 year old virgin. I don't want to be that for the rest of my life! But I don't want to compromise and leave the path God designed either. I want someone to go to weddings with. I want to have a wedding of my own. I want children. I want someone standing by me if I have to bury my parents. I want to love someone so much it hurts. Well, I've done that, but I want it to last forever!

I've shared with several people over the past few months that my decision to end my last relationship, the one I thought was going to be forever, was the easiest and hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I had to come to a point that I wanted what God wants for my life more than I want what I want. And I still stand by that. So no matter how much I want all of those things I just listed, I want what God wants more. But I keep coming back to that question, "Still?"

Question #2: Does a man even exists that could ever meet my desires and expectations?
I've had men tell me that I am intimidating. I don't get it. I am independent. I'm confident in who I am. I'm successful. Aren't those good things? Isn't that what people strive to teach their children to be? How does that translate into intimidating? Sometimes I fear that my expectations are too high, but I don't really believe that...or maybe I don't want to believe that. I just want a man who loves God more than he loves me. I want a man who will encourage me to grow in my relationship with Christ. I want a man I can submit to. I want a man who will be the spiritual leader of the home, who will encourage me with the word of God, someone with whom I can share what God is teaching me, someone with whom I can serve and minister. I want a man who understands, encourages, and shares my passion for Christ. This makes me sound like some conceited spiritual giant. That's not me at all. I just don't want to compromise and settle for spiritual mediocrity. But does this man even exist?

Question #3: What do I do now?
If I keep coming back to, "Still?" am I doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? My parents think I should look for another job and move on. They keep asking me if I'm sure I'm being open to God's leading. I've questioned that myself, but there is no indication that I'm to move on...at least not yet. Does God have an area of ministry for me that I've yet to discover or explore? Is that something I can do more effectively as a single than as part of a couple? Is God just still preparing someone for me and me for someone? Am I living on the world's timetable instead of God's? Am I holding on to the past, refusing to let go, therefore, refusing to move forward?

Questions...Still?

KABOOM!!!

2009-05-02T10:32:00.000-04:00

I just don't understand something. Why does Billy Mays have to advertise everything on TV? And why does he have to yell? Why can't he sell things using a nice calm voice? There's nothing worse than taking a Sunday afternoon nap, just falling asleep, and to be awoken by his voice yelling Kaboom! Do people really buy that stuff off TV? At the store maybe...but who really calls the 1-800 number? And this morning I realized he also advertises ESPN 360. Why must everyone hire this man to sell their product? He should be banned from television or there should at least be a regulation on the volume of his commercials. He can't talk without yelling, so they should automatically lower the volume overall. Can you imagine what it's like at his house over the dinner table? Or when he gets mad at his kids or grandkids? They must keep a good supply of ear plugs at their house! I hope they bought some stock in Miracle Ear or something. Maybe that's what he should advertise. The people who need it would actually be able to hear him! I am willing to start the campaign to ban Billy Mays from TV! Who wants to join me?

A Great Group!

2009-04-30T22:04:00.002-04:00

These are some of my student leaders...the Student Ambassadors of Spartanburg Methodist College. A great group of young people who have done a tremendous job this year representing the school. I am so proud of them and so thankful that I had the opportunity to work with them. They are some of the smartest, hardest working people I know! Our world is going to be okay with people like this taking the lead!

God is Faithful

2009-04-27T07:59:00.002-04:00

I am so glad I journal. Last night, I was looking back through a journal entry from nearly 9 months ago. I expressed some fears about a situation in my life, and I wrote, "God is big enough to handle the fall-out of this situation if things go bad." And now, on the other side of that situation, I can see how God truly was faithful in that circumstance. He did handle the fall-out, much more beautifully than I could have ever imagined. GOD IS FAITHFUL!

I have been memorizing Psalm 145 for my class, and this weekend came to the last 7 verses, one if which states, "The eyes of all look to you. You give them their food in due season." The first time I read it I praised God for provision. He promises to provide for us at the time when we need it. But the second time I read it, I saw something even more precious. It doesn't say "I'll give them food in due season." It says, "I will give them their food in due season." It's not just talking general provision at the appointed time...it's personalized provision at the appointed time! Sometimes that food tastes sweet and satisfying and is just what we've been craving...for example, Jason's Deli ice cream! Sometimes, though, the food God provides for us is what we need the most, not necessarily what we want. Just like mothers spend countless hours trying to get their children to eat vegetables because their good for them, God sometimes gives us our food in due season, food that we desperately need.

I will say it again...my God is faithful!

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever! Psalm 145:21

The B-I-B-L-E

2009-04-20T18:52:00.003-04:00

The B-I-B-L-E

Yes, that's the book for me!

I stand alone on the Word of God

The B-I-B-L-E

He Makes All Things Beautiful

2009-04-19T14:21:00.001-04:00

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

I sang the song growing up. “In His Time, In His Time, He makes all things beautiful in His time.” I’ve even quoted this to others who were experiencing troubling times. I’ve used it as my own mantra from time to time in the midst of storms or situations I don’t understand. But I don’t think I live my life as if I believe it. My true interpretation of this verse, at least in my own attitude, is probably a little more like this. “He is in control and works everything out in His time. It may not be how I’ve imagined it or how I want it, but God will work it out.”

What a mockery to my God who promises to make all things beautiful. It’s not just working it out. It’s working it out in such a way that God will receive the highest glory, that human hearts and lives will be changed, that perfection for that situation is received in terms of God’s plans for eternity! Think about things that are beautiful: a new baby, a mountain top view, the sunset, the sunrise, flowers, a painting, and so many more. I think sometimes how I am captivated by beauty. That’s what God is doing in His time. He is creating beauty! He is creating beauty to captivate my heart so that it turns to Him. He is creating beauty that will bring Him glory!

I am in awe today as I think of the beauty God made of the cross. Only because of Jesus’ sacrifice can we look at something that ordinarily represents death and sadness and call it a glorious cross! God made it beautiful in His time. He is doing the same with my circumstances. He is not just working them out…he’s making a masterpiece of beauty to amaze and captivate my heart!

2009-04-13T12:12:00.002-04:00

I learned this song as a child and it's lyrics are really special to me today. I'm really trying to learn what is beautiful to God.

Beautiful, Beautiful,
Jesus is beautiful
And Jesus makes beautiful things of my life
Carefully touching me, causing my eyes to see
Jesus makes beautiful things of my life.

Jesus: Troubling Man or Blessed Savior?

2009-04-10T22:48:00.003-04:00

I am blessed to be a part of a wonderful Passion Play this week. Our choir at church has been presenting a musical drama, "Set Free," for the past two nights. We've got one more night to go, and I am not tired of it yet! I usually am tired of it. A full week of rehearsals and performances is tiresome, but its not so tiring when you have the opportunity to experience the presence of the Holy Spirit each night.

This year the Passion Play means so much more to me because it seems to mirror a situation in my real life. There is a line that sticks out to me every time I hear it. The main character, a Roman soldier named Marcus, asks his second in command, "Why is it that everytime I'm around this Jesus He's so troubling to me?"

This reminds me of the verse in 2 Corinthians 2:15-16. "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life." In the beginning of the story, the character of Marcus sees Jesus as a stench, a smell, trouble. But as the story progresses, he begins to see Jesus for who He really is, the Son of God, and experiences the sweet fragrance of God's love, grace, and forgiveness.

For those who follow Christ, we must always remember that we are the aroma of Christ among those around us. People in this world look at Jesus and see him as troubling. They experience conviction and don't want to be bothered. They want heaven but they don't want to give their lives over to the lordship of Christ. In their eyes, Christ followers are either a smell or a fragrance, but to God we are always an aroma! That passage of scripture goes on to say, "And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God." How true! This is a tall order, but an order that can be filled if we live, speak, and love with sincerity. When people see this real and sincere love, then we can help them move from seeing a troubling man to seeing a blessed Savior.

On this Good Friday, I am overwhelmed that my Jesus chose me! He chose me, and I wholeheartedly choose Him! May I live my life in such a way that I am an aroma to God and a sweet fragrance of life to those around me.

Rejoice!

2009-04-06T21:57:00.005-04:00

I have a great reason to rejoice tonight. My God showed up in a mighty way today. It started this morning as I was getting dressed. I did as I do often, talked and communed with God as I prepared for the day. During my prayer time, I began to think of a potentially painful revelation in my life. I'm pretty sure I said aloud, "God, when that happens, you're going to have to just pour out your grace on me because there is no way I'll be able to handle that on my own." I then began to mock myself, convinced that I was borrowing trouble. I repeated the prayer anyway, just for good measure. Little did I know that just three hours later, that painful revelation would come. I don't believe this was a coincidence. I believe this was the Holy Spirit's way of preparing my heart for the news. I immediately sensed the sweetness of the Spirit's moving in my heart. It didn't take away the pain. It didn't even numb it, but remembering my prayer, I was able to see on the other side of it. I didn't do this alone. I am thankful for Kimberly who so lovingly softened the blow of my first reaction. I am thankful for Kerie who refused to allow me to slip into the unhealthy attitude of self-pity and self-deprecation. I am thankful for Julie who prayed the sweetest prayer over me (over the phone) that allowed me to release my tears and experience the grace that God so willingly lavished upon me. I am thankful for Angie Smith, a woman whom I've never met but who's blog I read faithfully. She posted a song on the blog today that lovingly reminded me that when shattered things (dreams, hopes, lives) are laid before the throne of the Almighty, they will not be left unredeemed.

But most of all, I rejoice that I have a Savior who loves me enough to orchestrate all of these moments at just the perfect time. I found myself surprised at His love today. But then I realized, if He loves me enough to send his sinless Son to die on a cross for my sin, and I have no trouble accepting that, then why do I have so much trouble believing that His love for me also reaches to my everyday hurts and pains? If God loved me enough to allow Jesus to pay the debt of death of my behalf, surely he loves me enough to know my hurts and my pains and to prepare me to deal with them. How amazing is the grace that He offers each and every day, to make it through the struggles of life. So today, my prayer is Paul's command in Philippians 4:4. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

To the outside world, today wouldn't leave me much for which to rejoice. But because I serve and worship a loving God, I can rejoice! I must rejoice! Rejoice! Again, I will say, Rejoice!!!

Praying with Consistency

2009-04-03T19:49:00.001-04:00

"Prayer, more than any other spiritual discipline, reveals what‘s really in your heart and how much pride that you operate in. Prayer, more than any other spiritual discipline, reveals what you believe about you, what you believe about God, and just how much pride you have in the tank of your soul. "
--Matt Chandler

"I stink at prayer because I’m so dag gum good at pride." --Pete Wilson

Honor Your Father and Your Mother

2009-04-02T22:27:00.004-04:00

In Ephesians, Paul echoes one of the Ten Commandments when he tells us to honor our father and mother. I don't want the evening to end until I do just that.

I returned this evening from a 3 day trip to my parent's house. It sounds so strange to say it that way because I usually call this home. While it's not my current home, it will always be home to me. I don't know if I will ever get to a place where I will not call it "going home." So, let's just say, "I went home" this week! Usually, I only have a chance to get there two or three times a year due to the distance and my overly busy schedule. I carry around more guilt about this than I care to admit, but I never seem to find a way to do anything about it. The purpose of this trip home was to visit my dad, who just had knee surgery, and help my mom take care of my dad.

I could feel on the drive down that this visit was going to be different. I'm not exactly sure why, but I could sense it. I could sense that there was significance with this visit. The entire way down, I was reminded of things from my childhood. Things I loved. I was so very excited that the azaleas were still blooming. And the wisteria! And remembering moments from the past. My anticipation grew with every mile. I didn't realize, until I got on the road, how much I needed this trip home. I needed to be reminded that there are at least two people on this earth who will love me unconditionally, no matter what, and that those same two people count on me. I feel like I've come to a point in my life that I can actually go home and do things for my parents, instead of having them do for me. Oh, I still let my mom do things for me while I was there, but for the first time, I felt like they needed the adult me. And this excites me. And it makes me appreciate them even more!

My dad finally decided to have his knee replaced. After years of walking, or hobbling, in much pain, he finally took the plunge. I know he was in a lot of pain, but he and I spent Wednesday afternoon just talking, and it's a conversation I will remember for the rest of my life. Mom was gone to the store so it was just dad and I. He asked me about work. He asked me about seminary. He listened to me share my vision, my thoughts, my dreams, my fears. I think it is one of the first truly adult conversations I've had with my dad. I know that sounds weird, and it's certainly not my dad's fault. I just don't think I ever go to my dad as an equal. I go to him as a little girl. But not this time. Like I said, this conversation was different. My dad encouraged me in a way that was so special. He told me to use my passions, to use my skills and abilities, to use my love for others in a big way. He reminded me to always be looking for the door that God is opening and not to sell myself short. He also told me to not be afraid to move in a different direction. Then, the conversation turned a little more personal. Leave it to my dad to put me in my place in a way that shocked me, made me think long and hard, and admit my own shortcomings, all in one moment. He showed me that I had been doing the same thing I had accused someone else of doing. At first, I couldn't believe he said it. I think I must have had that look on my face that said, "Oh no, he didn't," because he immediately followed it up with a "I don't mean to be critical" comment. But he was so right. I had been doing exactly what I had accused someone else of doing. I think I knew this, but my dad put into words what I could not. And it was done in such a loving, caring, yet straightforward manner. Thanks Dad, for setting me in my place! Thanks, God, for using my dad in this way and for giving me an earthly father who is encouraging, challenging, and supportive.

This trip home, my mom actually let me do stuff for her. I think she's exhausted from being strong through my dad's surgery, from feeling like she can't relax and rest because my dad might need her, from making sure everything with the house is taken care of, from helping my dad with his therapy and just everyday needs until he can get around on his own again. I know how my dad is when he doesn't feel good, so that is not an easy task! But my mom does it all with grace and without complaint. She truly is superwoman! And while she let me do some things for her, she also did for me. She made me apple fritters for breakfast this morning! She made sure that we had my favorite foods and felt bad that she forgot to make my favorite jello. She gave me her pillow. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but there are only two pillows in the world that are perfect. I have one at my house, and she has an identical one at her house. I think we would both run back into the house if it were on fire, just to rescue these pillows! She knows how much I like the pillow and gave it up for me to sleep on while I was there...so that I would feel more at home! She listened to me. And she did all of this in the midst of her crazy life. My mom volunteers for an afterschool program their church sponsors. Since my dad is on the mend, she hasn't been able to help out. However, they decided to cancel the program today due to the threat of severe weather. My mom spent the entire morning making phone calls to the other volunteers, to the parents, to the schools, trying to make sure everyone was informed. She went above and beyond the call of duty. And they wonder where I got this from...
My mother is amazing, and I don't tell her that enough! Thank you God, for creating this woman who is so caring and loving and giving and placing me under her lifelong care. I wish I could be more like her.

And this doesn't include all of the normal things my parents do. Like fill my car up with gas before I leave, hide money in my purse, beg me to stay another day, take pictures everytime I leave to go home (although I believe the rain is the reason for the reprieve from this task this afternoon - thank you rain!). Because the weather was bad, they insisted that I call every hour. I think before I would have been annoyed by this request, but not this time. I know it's out of love that they are so concerned. I know that they miss me. I miss them. More than I realize, and more than I admit. I think I busy myself so I don't have to think about it too often. Oh we talk fairly regularly on the phone, but it's not the same as going home. I am so thankful for the home they've created for me to go.

I realize that not everyone is as blessed as I am to have such wonderful parents. But if you are, or even if you're not, take a moment, right now, to let your parent(s) know how much you love and appreciate them for whatever reason it may be. It might be something small. It might be something big. But tell them you love them! Thank them for being there, and be there for them!

I Thought I Had Climbed This Mountain

2009-03-30T23:21:00.003-04:00

I swear I've been here before
Standing on the other side
I recognize these feelings
I recognize this pain
I recognize the hives
I recognize the sadness
I recognize the fear, the uncertainty, the desire to just be okay

But I thought I had climbed this mountain
I thought I'd made it through
I thought I'd found a way to let go, to press on, to look heavenward
I thought I'd found a way to forgive

I thought I had climbed this mountain
I thought I had struggled up the cliffs
I thought I had discovered the strongholds in the rock
Or maybe they discovered me

Maybe I never climbed this mountain
Maybe I've just been hanging on for dear life on the side of the cliff
Convincing myself that this place is just as good as the other side
Resting in a place that, for a bit, was comfortable

Or maybe I have climbed this mountain
Or just one that looks a lot like this one
Maybe this is what it takes to learn what forgiveness truly is
To learn what it means to let go of the past
To learn what it means to press on
Press on...not walk on or fly on or breeze on...

But press on
Facing challenges with courage and humility
Trusting that God's hand is guiding my every step
That God's hand will redirect my steps when I stray
That God's hand will set me in my place when I choose to rest on my laurels
That my strength won't fail
That my love won't fail
That my hope won't fail

And with God's help, I will climb this mountain
As many times as it takes

By Faith...Not Sight

2009-03-18T09:32:00.000-04:00

I think the times when we don't understand what God is doing or where he is leading us bring us so much closer to Him than any other times. Even more than grief! God's really been teaching me what it truly means to walk by faith and not by sight lately. I thought I understood it, but I didn't really. And it's not like I'm going through some horrible experience. It's just every day life stuff. I tend to want to depend on my feelings, my senses, I want signs, I want clues but lately God has just been showing me that seeking those things aren't bad but it's not going to get us the best that he has for us. Because those are things that yes, God can use, but also, the devil can use those same things to lead us astray. God's word is the only thing we can fully rely on as truth. Pour yourself into the Bible. Memorize scripture. Meditate on certain passages for days! Keep going back to it. Keep seeking Him for Him and for His glory!

Troubling...

2009-03-09T13:57:00.002-04:00

Today in class, we were talking about prayer. My professor was sharing from his own experience and explained that he has these moments where he realizes that 4-5 hours of his life went by and he didn't pray. He said this troubles him. He asked if we ever had a similar experience. I thought about it, and of course the answer is unfortunately yes. And does it trouble me? Yes, but I don't think it troubles me enough.

You see in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 we are commanded to pray without ceasing. In the English translation, the word order is changed. In the original text of the Greek, the verse says "Without ceasing, pray." The emphasis is on without ceasing. If we are really to live our lives like this and to follow this command and principle, then it should truly trouble us when we realize a block of time has passed in which we did not talk to God.

But it should be troubling, not to get us down, but to encourage us to change! To encourage us to seek nothing without talking to God. To encourage us to constantly be in communication with God so that we can see how he is moving us and chaning us to be conformed to His decreed will for our lives.

Without ceasing...pray!

I'm A Mess

2009-03-06T18:17:00.004-05:00

I'm a mess right now. I'll admit it. I'm tired. It's been a really long week at work. I worked about 53.5 hours this week, late every single night. And it didn't end well. And I'm mad. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at someone else. I'm mad that I can't let myself just be okay! A few posts ago I mentioned that I felt this was a time of crushing in my life, where God is crushing me for some reason. I don't know why I expected it to only take a week or so. It hasn't even really been that long, but it feels like forever. And this crushing is supposed to bring God glory, and I don't feel like that's happening either. And I keep using the same tired, old excuse: I'm busy.

The crazy thing is, that excuse is one of the reasons I'm mad at someone right now. But the truth is, I've been feeding the same excuse to God. Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who will just listen to me vent and question and cry and talk, and today he let me do that so long that I admitted this sad truth to myself. Oh, I've felt God tugging at my heart for the past few weeks about this. I even admitted it to a friend and asked that she pray for this area of my life, that I might surrender. But it was not really clear to me how much of a mess I've let this make in my life until today when I admitted out loud that I keep giving God the "I'm busy" excuse.

I'm so afraid to just stop and be still. So, what did I do today? I went shopping. I needed a few things from Target, but I must admit I wandered around the store several times aimlessly. Then, I went to Sams. Free dinner, right?!? I was doing nothing more than trying to "busy" myself so I could avoid my thoughts, my pain, my anger, my exhaustion, and so that I could avoid what God has been trying to crush me to do. It's kind of like I tell myself that if I just keep busy, the crushing won't hurt so bad, it won't be so hard. I'll dodge the blows! But I know it doesn't work like that.

I do want God to crush me if that's what it's going to take to clean up this mess called my life. I can't fix it, no matter how hard I try. I can't avoid things in the name of busyness just so I don't have to face my fears. Yet, I keep running. Why? Why? Why?

Instead of running I should find rest in the one who offers perfect refuge. I have to be still and know that He is God. I have to be still before Him. I have to enter his throne of grace with boldness.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Psalm 62:5-7

On the way home, I heard the song "Freedom" by Run Kid Run. It is so accurate as to how I feel right now. I've posted the lyrics below.

All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise the other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
And I'm ready for change

Broken down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay - RIGHT WHERE I AM NOW!
I scream Father please
I need rescuing
I need you and you alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for (change)

Still you patiently wait
Yet i won't just let go
I see you and you alone
Saying come follow me
despair has come so you can seeRelease

And so I'm singing for freedom
And so I'm singing for freedom

The time has come
separation has lost the war to love
Take my hand grace has found you where you once began
Your alive
You're alive in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love

God Remove My Heart of Stone

2009-03-02T07:43:00.003-05:00

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. Ezekiel 36:26

Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you. Hosea 10:12

Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts…Psalm 95:7; Hebrews 3:7-8ff

Lately, the hardening of the heart has been a central theme in my life. I guess it’s because I have a close friend who has done just that. In the ESV study Bible, the note on Psalm 95:7 describes harden in this way. “The biblical writers use heart for the central core of the person’s thoughts, feelings, and choices. To harden the heart is to make it dull and unresponsive to God, and thus to strengthen it in disbelief.” As I’ve prayed for this friend, I’ve found myself clinging to the promise in Ezekiel 36:26. I believe wholeheartedly that God can remove the heart of stone, but I also think I’ve been a bit flawed in my thinking, perhaps because I am so personally involved in the situation. I keep envisioning this removal of the heart of stone as an immediate action, and while I fully believe that God can do that in an instant if He so chooses, I also must be prepared for this removal of the hardening to be a slower, more natural process.

When I think of something being hardened, I think of dirty dishes, you know, the empty lasagna pan that you left sitting on the stove overnight. The food hardens to the pan, and there are usually two different things that have to be done to get the pan clean. The first is soaking. Soaking the pan in water can soften the hardened food, making it wipe completely clean. When our hearts are hardened, we have to be willing to be soaked—soaked in Scripture, soaked in fellowship with people who will encourage us to walk in God’s ways, soaked in the glory of God. Once we’re soaked, the hardened parts sometimes wipe clean easily. It’s a process, though. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to allow God to cover and drown those parts of us that aren’t pleasing to Him. Sometimes, though, even after a soaking, there must be some scrubbing.

Scrubbing or chipping away is the other way to get rid of the hardenedness. I will gladly admit that the Amway Scrub Bud is my friend! It never fails me when trying to remove stuck on food from my dishes. It does, however, take lots of effort on my part, and if I were the food, I can imagine it would be quite painful. Sometimes our hardened hearts must be scrubbed. The hardened pieces must be chipped away, one layer at a time. As Hosea prophesied to Israel, we must allow God to break up our fallow ground, to plow through our heart. It’s in those places where the heart is chipped, broken, and plowed, that God’s glory will soak in. God’s glory and God’s presence will fill those places until our heart is not longer hard like stone.

God’s promises can be trusted. God will remove hearts of stone. It might be instantaneous, but more than likely it will be a process, a process that requires scrubbing and soaking, a process that is painful, a process that will change us.

God break up my fallow ground! For any area of my own heart that is hardened, I want to be soaked! I want your glory and your presence to fill up those broken places. I want to experience and showers of righteousness. I want to reap steadfast love, a stronger love for you and a stronger love for those around me.

2009-02-27T13:41:00.000-05:00

"Give it all" from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

One of my new favorite songs I think! I guess it was worth putting up with Daniel's antics in those two weddings I directed where he was the best man...if he can write stuff like this!

Daddy, You're Going to Have to Drive Me Home!

2009-02-20T18:21:00.000-05:00

It was a dark and stormy night. No, really, it was! This past Wednesday was very dark and stormy. It started just as choir rehearsal ended. As my fellow choir members and I walked out of the choir room, down the hallway, and neared the door, it started raining harder. The thunder got louder. The wind picked up tremendously. The lightening started. We were all stopped in our tracks.

As we individually paused to determine our next move, I noticed 16 year old Logan standing next to me. Her eyes were growing wider with each second. For a moment, I was transported back to my own experience as a 16 year old girl, realizing the fear of having to drive home in the middle of a storm. She was frozen. I could tell she didn't want to be there. I could tell she just wished she was already at home. Her dad happened to be standing there as well. She turned to him, and in a frantic voice stated, "Daddy, you're going to have to drive us home!" I empathized with her at that moment. I knew exactly how she felt, but I didn't realize the importance of her statement until about 10 minutes later in the middle of my own drive home in the pouring rain!

It was like i had a "Kramer" moment. As I thought about her statement, the Holy Spirit hit me over the head with some truth. Okay, I don't know if that's really an appropriate descriptor for how the Holy Spirit works, so maybe I should say He opened my eyes.

Logan's response is the one God wants us to have when we face rainy days and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. "Daddy, Abba, you're going to have to drive me home!" And it was truly a statement. It wasn't a question. It wasn't a request. It was a statement of trust and a cry for help to one she knew would not fail her. Too often, I trust my own abilities more than I trust God. Many times, this leads me to more rain, bigger storms, and darker skies. Instead of letting "Jesus take the wheel," I convince myself that I can do it. I try everything I can to fix it on my own. I try to use logic. I try to use common sense or past experience. I try to use my own intelligence. But those things will always fail me. God, on the other hand, never will! If we come to Him, seeking Him, our Savior will NEVER forsake us. He will always drive us home. He will always bring us safely through the storm, even if He chooses not to calm the storm around us.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. Psalm 9:9-11

I really think this is what God is trying to teach me right now. I'm learning each day what true obedience really is. I'm learning what it means to trust God for the next step. Not in a survival type of situation, but in they way that I am trying to live my life according to God's standard. My basic needs have been provided. Okay...most of my wants have been provided, too. This is not about human survival, but it is about spiritual endurance. I want more than anything to learn about obedience, to live obediently, to trust God completely.

I am so thankful I have a refuge, a stronghold, a Lord that will not forsake. May He alone receive the glory. May my cry, my earnest plea in times of trouble always be, "Daddy, you have to drive me home!"

A Fight Against Bitterness

2009-02-18T18:23:00.000-05:00

I'm really struggling right now against bitterness. I don't want to have this struggle. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to admit that I'm struggling. I follow Vicki Courtney's blog, Virtue Alert, and she recently made a post about being gloomy. It wasn't some kind of Biblical teaching or spiritual revelation. It was simply her being transparent and honest about her struggles. I found a lot of freedom in that. There are so many times that I feel like I can't show my weaknesses. I feel like a fraud when I do. I feel like a failure. I don't really want people to see that side of me. But maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe people do need to see that I struggle...that I'm in no way near perfect...that I sin...that I don't always have the answers.

I am so afraid to let people see that I am not perfect, even though I really have no problem admitting that to myself or to God. Why is this? Why am I so afraid?

So, back to the whole bitterness thing. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I thought I had put it behind me. I thought I had let it go, but I can feel these moments of bitterness keep popping up in the middle of my day. A thought here and there. A complaint about my situation to a third party. A whole thought process so that I can justify my hurt.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BITTER!!!!

So, I went to God's word. In the New Testament, talk of bitterness usually proceeds or follows talk of forgiveness or humility.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. James 3:13-15

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:30-32

I am grieving the Holy Spirit. I will sheepishly admit that I boasted of my bitterness today. If I am not careful, if I do not let go of this, I will allow that bitter root to grow up and will fail to be holy.

Charles Stanley writes, "We have two choices: We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the people He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances as tools God uses to further develop our spiritual lives. "

I choose today to let go of my bitterness. I surrender it to the Lord. I don't want it to destroy me, to destroy my relationships, to be a stumbling block to others. I want God to use this circumstance to mold me into the person He wants me to be. I don't understand it. I sometimes feel like I have a right to be bitter, but if I am truly going to use God's word as the standard for my life, I must do as I am commanded and "get rid" of it! I must be kind and compassionate. I must forgive. I must do this because this is what God did for me and what He is doing for me even now.

Most Beautiful Master, please take this bitterness from my heart. Take my every thought captive. Help me to always remember your truth and your commands. Help me to remember that I can forgive only because I have been forgiven. Even though I feel wronged, I was wrong, too. Even ithough I feel hurt, I hurt someone else, too. Even though I feel justified in my bitterness from time to time, I must instead remember that Christ justified me to God through his forgiveness and grace! I don't deserve anything of the sort, but while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. Give me a desire to be rid of it! Give me a desire to love you! Give me a desire to not grieve your Spirit but to walk in the Spirit. Amen.

Jars of Clay

2009-02-14T12:36:00.001-05:00

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10.

I struggle from time to time understanding this Scripture. The whole treasures in jars of clay imagery is often a mystery to me. It seems that I only understand it in light of a personal struggle. And I’m in the midst of that right now. I believe this is a time of crushing in my life. This is an instance that God is choosing to crush me, not for myself, but so that His glory may shine. That is what I want more than anything when it all comes down to it. I want to glorify my Heavenly Father. The scripture says we are not crushed, just afflicted. But I pretty much feel crushed. No other word for it right now! I am perplexed. How can my obedience to God be right when it causes someone else so much pain? I really am at peace with my decision, but it hurts to know that my obedience is hurting someone else. I am perplexed at this. I don’t understand this about my God, but I know that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine, so as Paul says, I am not driven to despair. I am persecuted. It hurts, but I know that God has not forsaken me. A good friend reminded me yesterday that there is no instance from Scripture where God has turned his back on a servant who chose to follow Him. I know that God will not forsake me. I’m trying to hold on to that hope. I feel struck down. I feel struck down mentally, physically, and emotionally, but spiritually, I know that I am not destroyed! I know that the jar of clay represents God being able to use us and mold us and even to seep through the parts where we are broken. I pray that God will use my brokenness to remind me of His glory, His love, and His comfort. I pray that through my brokenness, His glory may be revealed to this one that is hurting. I don’t know how that is going to happen, but I know that God is God and acts in everything to display His glory. I am trusting in this now. God use my brokenness, my perplexity, my persecution, my struck downness (I know that’s not really a word, but hey!) for your glory!

In the Middle of the Middle of Your Day

2009-02-13T07:43:00.001-05:00

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

This spring in Children's Choir, we are trying to teach them songs that come straight from Scripture as a way to help them understand the importance of memorizing scripture and helping them memorize about 15 passages along the way. Mark 12:30 is one of those passages. The song is "Love the Lord" by Lincoln Brewster. As we teach a song and a scripture verse, we spend a great deal of time talking about what that verse means. This verse always reminds me of Camp Crestridge, the summer camp I attended as a child and teenager. The heart of the camp is Council of Progress. During this solemn ceremony each week, a staff member presents the girls with a challenge from one of the four areas of the Council of Progress: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. I am always reminded of this verse when I think back to all of the challenges I received growing up through Council of Progress. Each area is addressed in this verse that tells us how we are to love our Lord God! Physically, with all your strength. Mentally, with all your mind. Spiritually, with all your soul. Emotionally, with all your heart! This is a high calling and probably the reason why Jesus calls in the greatest commandment. If we can love God with all of our beings, in every way, in every step, we can truly have fellowship with Him and out of that love comes the second commandment, love your neighbor as yourself. We will never be able to love our neighbors as God designed until we understand what it means to love God is this way.

I was trying to determine the best way to help the children in my choir to remember the Scripture reference. I asked them what the middle hour of the day is. Of course their answer, 12 o'clock. Then I asked what is the middle of the middle hour. Some of them got that one, 12:30. I said, "You can remember this reference if you think about the middle of the middle." But it wasn't until a couple of days that the Holy Spirit hit me over the head with this as it applied to my own life.

How many times do we say, "I'm in the middle of something. I can't do that right now." I say that quite a bit. To my students, to my family, to my friends, to my coworkers. And to God. I use that as an excuse with my Heavenly Father so often. "I can't right now God. I'm in the middle of something. I'll come back to that later." And I realized that sometimes I show my love for God with the same attitude. The Holy Spirit spoke to me this week, showing me that God wants me to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, at all times. Even in the middle of the middle of my day!

I feel like I'm right back as a child in that chapel at Camp Crestridge receiving a challenge during the Council of Progress. This time, the challenge comes from my Lord. My prayer is that God will transform me so that I can love him as I should at all times, even in the middle of the middle of my day.

Did Anything Exciting Happen?

2009-02-08T23:06:00.000-05:00

About an hour ago Mike asked me the question, "So, did anything exciting happen at church tonight?" My answer...No. What in the world kind of an answer is that? I just spent three hours somewhere freely and openly worshiping and praising my Lord and Savior, but when someone asks if anything exciting happened I say no???? What a slap in the face to my God! What a slap in the face to the millions of Christians around the world who cannot worship God openly and freely. What a horrible example I gave to someone who is seeking. It may have just been a normal night at church, but some pretty exciting things happened. So...in an attempt to seek forgiveness from my Heavenly Father for my hurtful and completely incorrect statement, AND, to give God the glory that He is due...here is a list of exciting things that happened tonight at church:

I had the privilege of teaching children about the greatest commandment...Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. (Looks like I still need some teaching on that myself!
I got to share with children what it means that the Spirit is water for my soul. (Lord, how I thirst for you!)
Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10-11
What an awesome time of worship we had tonight: Standing on the Solid Rock, Higher Ground, Made to Worship, The Potter's Hand, Fairest Lord Jesus, Have Thine Own Way Lord
I sensed a renewed call from God to remain persistent, be patient, and trust Him in the waiting, even though I really don't understand.
Sermon tonight...Don't worry. We've elevated worry to a virtue. Jesus commands us NOT to worry!
Ways to prevent worry: 1) Give God your firsts...Seek Him first in all things. & 2) Give God your future.
I got to laugh when the offertory, while beautiful, sounded like music from Super Mario Brothers!
The joy of the Lord: Robert's water, Forgetting to move out of his way...oh the laughter with my friend Jeff!
Praise God for the ability to sing praises to His name...even when I'm coughing like I am!
Praise God for friends and a church family.
Praise God for opportunities to serve Him and teach others about Him.

And that's just from last night! That doesn't include all that God taught me and showed me through Sunday School and morning worship. How could I have been so wrong? How can I just sit back and say nothing exciting happened. I worshiped! I learned! I listened to the Holy Spirit! I saw Jesus at work!

God, give me a new Spirit. Forgive me for taking you and your Word and your Church for granted. Restore my soul. Remind me of your faithfulness, a loving kindness that is new every morning. May my one aim always be to show your glory to those all around me. May I be excited about what you are doing in my life and in the world around me. Help me to see you at work. Give me the courage to join you at work.

Beautiful Savior. Lord of all the nations. Son of God and Son of Man. Glory and honor...praise adoration...now and forever more be thine! --Joseph Seiss

I Love Snow!

2009-01-20T08:34:00.000-05:00

So, it snowed here last night. Not a lot, but just enough to be pretty and for the school to be closed for the day! Thought I'd post some pictures so you could see what it looked like outside my house this morning.

The back of the house...which is really more like the front of the house since they closed the road, but anyway!

As you can see, I live in right field of our baseball field! I guess it was too early for the students to be up and sliding down those hills in the distance. I'm sure it won't be long!

The view from the back door!

Looking up towards the campus. Have I mentioned I love snow????

The God of All Comfort - Even for Thumb Suckers!

2009-01-19T20:10:00.000-05:00

I've always felt sorry for children of preachers. I can't imagine the humiliation and embarrassment that must come from hearing stories of your childhood told time after time. And it's rarely the good stories. Most of the time, it's the most embarrassing moments that you wish you could rewind and do over. Those are the ones that usually make it to the pulpit. While they might be great examples for the lesson at hand and the entire congregation finds great joy in your misfortune, silliness, or ignorance, these same stories often bring great shame to their subjects! Luckily, I've never been on the receiving end of such an illustration, at least not in my presence! I am thankful God called my dad to an area of ministry that DID NOT involve preaching!

Sunday morning, during the children's sermon at church, however, I felt the shame of our Associate Pastor's youngest child. It was sanctity of human life Sunday, and he was sharing with the children what a baby in its mother's womb looked like and could do at 11 weeks old. His five year old daughter, Caroline, was sitting right next to him, cuddled up under his arm. He went down a long list of things that an 11 week old fetus is able to do, a list that included sucking its thumb. He then asked the question that set the whole ball of embarrassment rolling.

"Do any of you still suck your thumb?"

It wasn't the question really, but his actions that took him off the path of safety and falling into the pit of Humiliation by Daddy! He looked over at Caroline, raised his eyebrows and smiled, and in one simple motion, let the entire church know that his five year old daughter (who incidentally turns six in about a month and is surely focused on being a BIG GIRL) still sucks her thumb. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming because I could see the look on her face. I was sitting in the choir loft behind her, and I could still see the look on her face. I could see that look because my face has shared that look before!

***I could share countless stories about myself here, but I will limit this aside to just one! When I was about nine years old, I had to tag along with my parents who were chaperoning the Winter Youth Ski Retreat. No one was really happy about my presence there, especially my older sister who was in the 7th grade and embarking on one of her first trips as a member of the youth group! Tagging along meant I had to attend sessions with my mom and dad, too. Boring sessions meant for adults! In one of the sessions, there were probably 25-30 people in a room and the speaker was talking about the challenges in trying to get children and youth to sit still, be quiet, and pay attention. Coincidentally, as he was speaking these words, I, as my nine year old bored self, was leaning back in my "metal folding chair" and balancing it against the wall. Yes, that's right. Metal folding chairs and two hind legs usually don't mix. My chair folded up, falling to the floor with a loud bang and depositing me on the floor beside it. Needless to say, I was the perfect illustration for his point! So what's my point...I was totally embarrassed. The laughter in the room was so loud I needed ear plugs! Every eye in the place was on me. I'm sure my mom was embarrassed, too, but she wasn't the one laying on the floor. I wanted to disappear. I probably prayed at that moment that God would open up a hole in the floor so that I could escape the eyes and the laughter. I remember getting up, looking straight down at the floor (because after all if I couldn't see the eyes, I was invisible!), and walking over to my mom in search of comfort. I probably even sat on her lap for the remainder of the session, perfectly still and quiet (right Mom! wink wink)

So I understood how Caroline felt. However, her situation was different. She couldn't run to her daddy for comfort. Her daddy, her white knight, had effectively knocked her off the white horse they were riding and under the hooves to be trampled upon. (Okay, I didn't come up with that analogy. Julie, Caroline's mom, did and she said it much more effectively than me, but it's the best I can do!)

All Caroline could do was hide her face in her lap from the hundreds of eyes and hope that putting her head down would drown out some of the laughter. I looked back at Julie to see her reaction. She had a torn look on her face. She wanted to leave the choir loft and run to her little girl, picking her up and pulling her close with one hand, and slapping Jarrett with the other! But she couldn't. She just had to sit there and watch the entire thing play out. Humiliation. Embarrassment. Shame. Hurt. All over sucking one's thumb!

And then, the most precious thing happened. Little Joanna was sitting right next to Caroline. She saw Caroline's pain and leaned over, tapped her on the shoulder and whispered, "It's okay. I do too sometimes." And in that moment, some of Caroline's pain and humiliation was relieved. She wasn't alone. Someone else sucked their thumb, too! Most people missed it. Most of the congregation missed this precious exchange between friends. And in missing it, they missed a precious lesson from our Heavenly Father.

Lately, the Holy Spirit has been giving me flashes of words. I don't know how to adequately explain this. I will witness a situation, see something, or just hear something and it's almost as if a word plainly flashes across the air in front of my eyes, like it's the word of the day on Sesame Street or something. It's usually a single word, and it usually comes with a desire to stop whatever I am doing at the time and dive into God's word in search of what He has to say about that word.

The word I got in that instant was comfort. Joanna was a source of comfort for Caroline. She said exactly what needed to be said. She saw a need, and met it! (They are five years old people!!!!!! Five!) Comfort had been on my mind I suppose. And this instance led me back to a verse that I had just learned.

Psalm 119:50 says, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."

This verse was the focal verse for the latest Karen Kingsbury novel, This Side of Heaven. (Side note: If you have not read any of Karen Kingsbury's books, go, run, fly to the store right now and get one! She calls it Life Changing Fiction, and it truly is! She is such a woman of faith who's works of fiction have strengthened my personal spiritual walk so much!).

In the midst of our suffering, our shame, our embarrassment, our pain, we can find comfort. We can find comfort in the fact that the promise of God is true! The promise of God brings salvation. The promise of God breathes hope! The promise of God is essentially a life preserver in the midst of our struggle.

I quickly looked up comfort in my Bible's concordance and found these verses from 2 Corinthians.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4

Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11 (ESV)

We are commanded to comfort others! God is our comfort, and we are to share the comfort we have, the life preserving comfort, with those in need. Just like Joanna did for Caroline. God will use our willingness to be used and our obedience to comfort others. Just like Joanna did for Caroline.

Just after the children's sermon yesterday we sang the song Draw Me Close. Here are the lyrics to the last chorus of the song:

You're all I want
You're all I ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are here
Help me know You are near.

Those last two lines were different for me yesterday. You see, I had just witnessed God showing himself to be here and to be near to His children in time of need. God provided his comfort to a five year old through a five year old. If anyone ever questioned whether or not a human life in the womb was created by God for a reason, the exchange I witnessed between those two children is reason enough!

God has a purpose for us all each and every day. It doesn't matter if we are five or 50, if we are embarrassed because someone just outed us for sucking our thumb or because we walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to our shoe, God is our comfort. God commands us to comfort one another.

The God of all comfort is HERE and He is NEAR!

No, Kim, There is no Santa Claus

2008-12-22T13:49:00.001-05:00

***Please note, the intention of this post is not to condemn any parents who use Santa as part of their Christmas celebration. I have no problem with that. I'm just telling my story!***

I never remember a time when I believed in Santa Claus. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Oh, I knew about Santa Claus. I heard stories about Santa Claus. I even remember going to JC Penney to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas (there were never pictures with Santa because my mom was too cheap to spend $5 on the photo like that!). I remember singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" with my mom in the car and having a discussion about whether or not I'd been a good girl. But I never believed in Santa as if he were a real being who actually brought presents. Maybe it's because we never received presents from Santa. All of ours were from Mom and Dad. All of our presents were wrapped. The only exceptions were the giant, life-sized teddy bears my sister and I received from our grandparents one year, and that was only because they couldn't find a big enough box! To me, Santa Claus was like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and all of the other fairy tale characters I knew. He was part of a story, a made-up story that people told at Christmas time and nothing more.

I don't think my parents consciously made a decision to not let us believe in Santa Claus. We just didn't, and it was never a big deal. As I've talked with friends over the past month or so about their decisions as to when to tell their children the truth about Santa, I've pondered why I never believed. I began to wonder if I somehow missed out on the magic of Christmas as a child. And that made me ponder my family's Christmas traditions. Christmas has always been one of my favorite parts of the year...my favorite holiday. Obviously, I didn't miss out on too much!

Then, on Friday night, my Sunday School class had their Christmas party at my house. Sitting on my coffee table is an Advent Wreath. Several years earlier, I had introduced our Sunday School department to the celebration of advent. I think they must have all lived under a rock because very few of them had ever heard of such, much less had any knowledge of an advent wreath. I became the subject of a lot of teasing, but I didn't care. I was determined to share with them this tradition that meant so much to me. Friday night, the teasing continued. It was then that I realized why celebrating Advent with the Advent Wreath is so important to me. And it all goes back to me not believing in Santa Claus.

Let me describe for you the scene in my house as a child during the Christmas season. The weekend after Thanksgiving, my family went to cut down a Christmas tree. When we arrived home, the Christmas decorations were immediately unpacked. And one of the first things we happened upon in the boxes of the Christmas decorations was the Advent Wreath. This, more than putting up the tree, really is the symbol of the start of the Christmas season for me! You see, my family always had nightly devotions together. This usually consisted of reading from one of our devotional books, talking about the scripture emphasis, sharing prayer requests, and ending with a loooooong prayer from my dad. But Advent devotions were different. There was something that was exciting, and it was more than just lighting candles! That was certainly part of it. My sister and I took turns each evening lighting the candles. We took our jobs very seriously and always loved the fourth week of Advent when there were four candles to light each evening! What fun! But like I said, it was more than just candles. This evening ritual brought us one step closer to Christmas each night. This evening ritual kept Christmas and the celebration of the day in it's proper light. Sure the gifts, decorations, music, lights, and everything else that comes along with Christmas is fun, but the real reason for the celebration is the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

You see, this is why I didn't believe in Santa. I didn't need to. Santa was just a story! Jesus is real! Jesus birth is real! Jesus life is real! The everlasting life we are offered because of Jesus' sacrifice is real! I didn't have to be warned to be "a good little girl" because Santa was watching. Our advent devotions gave me scriptural evidence of how God wants us to live our lives, totally submitted to Him. Sure, I asked for things for Christmas, but I don't ever remember being mad because "Santa" didn't bring me what I wanted. I usually received far more than what I asked for! Also, I had a different gift to focus on. The free gift that is available to all of us through Christ!

Advent means "the coming." The celebration of Advent was adopted by the Christian church centuries ago to help us spiritually prepare for the celebration of the coming of Christ to the earth as a baby, to reflect on Christ's promise that He will come again, and to focus on His present coming through His presence in our lives and through His grace. Santa Claus just seems to pale in light of Christ. "And the things of earth grew strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." Even today, I look forward to the celebration of Advent. When I moved out on my own, that first Christmas, my mom passed down our old advent wreath to me. The verses from various advent devotionals are some of my favorite: Psalm 108, Isaiah 7:9, Isaiah 9:6, Philippians 2:5-8, John 1:14, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, and on and on and on! I treasure this time every year. It helps me prepare my heart and focus my mind on the real reason for the season.

I didn't miss out on anything because I never believed in Santa. I had a greater gift, a greater reason to celebrate, a greater reason to sing, a greater song to sing! Christmas magic has nothing to do with Santa Claus. In fact, it's not magic at all. It's the supernatural moving of the Holy Spirit in our lives, guiding us, shaping us, and molding us into the people God wants us to be!

Advent Wreaths, Cat's Tails, and Sin

2008-11-30T21:29:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is the Advent Wreath. Since childhood I have loved lighting the candles, spending a special time preparing my heart and mind for the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and growing in my faith as an individual and as a family. This year, though, the advent wreath, along with my cat Sassafrass, provided me with an unexpected lesson.
It was late yesterday evening, and I was sitting on the couch reading the day’s advent devotion. The advent wreath, with four candles lit, was sitting on the coffee table in front of me. Sassafrass decided to jump upon the table and walk upon the ledge from one end to the other. From my perspective, I could see what was about to happen. I also had the advantage of knowing how fire feels! Sassafrass, however, does not share this knowledge, at least she didn’t! I was plagued with a dilemma. I knew if I reacted too quickly she would be startled and disaster could ensue. I really didn’t want to try to explain to my insurance company that my house burned down because of the advent wreath! I also had a desire to protect her. I didn’t want her to get burned! I didn’t want her to feel the pain of the burn. I couldn’t move the wreath; I couldn’t touch her. I was stuck watching the entire episode occur. Sure enough, as she walked along the ledge of the coffee table, she came increasingly close to the fire. I gave a verbal warning, as if she could understand (yes I talk to my cat like she’s human), but to no avail. As she passed by the last candle, seemingly safe from danger, her tail started to dance back and forth, eventually passing right through the flame of the pink candle. The air flow that resulted from her dancing tail quickly extinguished the flame. I could smell it immediately. And so could she. The putrid smell of burning hair!
She immediately began to search for the source of the stench. It was evident that she was also feeling the effects of the burn from the candle. But she couldn’t quite figure it out. She inspected both of her sides. She looked at her tail, but decided that couldn’t be it. But you could tell she felt the burn. She started smelling everything around her. The floor, the table, ME! But she couldn’t find the source. Once, she even looked back at the flames of the candles as if to say, “I know you did something, but I just can’t figure out what!” This went on for several minutes. Finally, she decided to nurse the numb feeling in her tail. She sniffed, she licked, she did the things that cats do when they nurse their wounds. And then, she got up and continued on her way, far from the flame of the candles!

I immediately thought of how much her reaction to the situation is similar to our reaction to sin. At times, we walk right into it, getting burned beyond recognition. At times we play with fire/sin, knowing it’s not safe, but willing to accept the risk of the burn for the pleasure of the sin. At other times, just like Sassafrass last night, we walk so closely that we should get burned, pass by thinking we’re safe, and it gets us right when we least expect it. It gets us in our cat’s tail! We can smell it immediately. Most of the time, we can smell it before we feel it! We survey everything around us trying to find the source of the smell, when all along, we just don’t want to see the source. We don’t want to admit that we’ve been burned. We don’t want to admit that we are experiencing the consequences of the sin in our lives. Surely it must be something else. Surely it must be someone else. It’s not me. It can’t be! I didn’t think I was that close to the fire. I was safe! I was careful! That’s right. I was careful. Careful enough to get just as close to the fire as I possibly could without being burned. Careful enough not to heed the warnings of my heavenly father. Careful enough not to get too close to the. Careful enough to be burned by sin, just when I thought I was safe.
Why, oh why don’t I listen more closely to my heavenly Father? Why, oh why do I like to play with fire? Why, oh why do I refuse to recognize the sin in my life? Why is it so hard for me to admit to others that I struggle with sin?
Paul wrote in the book of Romans,

12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:12-14

I want to offer myself to God as an instrument of righteousness! I don’t want sin to be my master! I want to live in the grace and truth that is Jesus Christ this Christmas season. He came to us, as Emmanuel, God with us, full of grace and truth. One of the advent devotions I read this week brought to light the importance of Jesus being grace and truth! For one without the other wouldn’t work. One without the other would not open the doors for everlasting life. May God dwell in our hearts, not sin. May we offer ourselves fully and wholly to God.
Sassafrass is still nursing the burn on her tail, even as I type. I am thankful that in the midst of my sinfulness, I have a Savior who nurses my wounds for me. The wounds exist. The pain is real. There may be scars. But the healer is waiting with open arms. And the comfort He offers is like no other!

Help us, O God our Savior,
for the glory of your name;
deliver us and forgive our sins
for your name's sake.
Psalm 79:9

Carlton Dance

2008-11-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that making this video has caused me to lose a jewel in my crown, but this is for Julie! Too funny!!! I guess I should put a disclaimer that I used someone else's you tube video and just added the music. Thanks to cybercobra for you hard work in putting all of these clips together. I hope he/she doesn't mind that I tweeked it a bit! I hope you enjoy this Julie!!!

Trash

2008-11-16T14:24:00.000-05:00

This blog was actually written on February 19, 1997, when I was a junior in college. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and thought I would include it here.

This morning I was thinking about the gigantic trash compactor right outside of my dorm room. This one compactor serves over 300 people! Right now it is overflowing. there is a stream of trash flowing out of its mouth and down the sidewalk. It has not been emptied in a long time. What a shame, and what a sight for sore eyes when one walks out the back door!

Our lives are sometimes exactly like this trash compactor, only each person has their own garbage bin: our minds, our bodies, our souls. Many times we just let more and more "trash" enter in. And we have an instinct or mechanism that will compact the trash and leave room for more to be added. But pretty soon, just like the trash compactor outside of my dorm, there is no more room! Nothing else can be compacted. The "trash" begins to flow out. It can be seen in our actions and expression and can be heard in our attitudes and negative words. And many times, even though we know that is is full, we still try to put more trash in on tope of what is already flowing out. Pretty soon, the garbage that we carry is reaching to others, affecting them, too! It seems too much to handle, that there is nothing we cn do. And that's true. We cannot do anything to fix our problems, at least not alone.

Then, one day, the trusty garbage collector shows up with his gigantic truck. He has come to empty the trash compactor of all its contents, all its trash. And when he finishes the job, the trash compactor is like new again. We, too, have a garbage collector. His name is Jesus. If we just trust him, He will come and take all of our "trash" away. He'll make us new creatures. However, unlike the trash compactor, our purpose is not to fill ourselves up with trash again. Insteaad, we are to allow ourselves to be filled with the power and presence of God through the Holy Spirit, so that good, positive, and edifying words and thoughts will flow from us, rather than the garbage of the world. We must remember, though, that we are not perfect, and because of this fact we will sometimes be consumed by the "trash" again. But we can always trust Jesus, our garbage collector, to come at any time we are willing and empty the bad things and replace them with his goodness and mercy. Also, we must let this goodness and the love of Jesus flow deeper and wider than the trash ever did, so that others may know of the joy and the peace we have found!

Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

2008-11-04T09:46:00.000-05:00

No matter where your opinions fall politically, today is a day of uncertainty for our nation. We sang the song below in church on Sunday morning, and the Holy Spirit brought these words to my mind this morning as I awoke, reminding me that no matter what the outcome of the uncertainty, my hope rests in one place and one place only, our Savior Jesus Christ. I choose to reflect on these words throughout the day.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon his promise
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord"
Jesus, Jesus how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus! O for grace to trust him more!

I'm so glad I learned to trust him
Precious Jesus, Savior, friend
And I know that he is with me
Will be with me to the end!
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus! O for grace to trust him more!

Written by Louisa M.R. Stead

And from God's word, Isaiah 43:10-14
Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed, when there was no strange god among you; and you are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and I am God. Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?

Strength for the Next Step

2008-09-24T00:58:00.000-04:00

This is not really blog worthy, but it's a lesson I want to remember, so I'm blogging about it to capture the moment. I woke up this morning overwhelmed. I had been unable to sleep, and I knew I had a very long and busy day ahead of me. Just to give a glimpse, I was at work by 7 AM, worked all day, non-stop, left work at 5:00 to head to a Christmas in Action Board Meeting, left the board meeting to go shopping for an event at work two days from now, returned to work at 8 PM to meet the DJ and finish preparing for the Homecoming Dance, worked straight through the dance, cleaned up, cleaned my office, hung signs for tomorrow, and now it is 1 AM, and I am finally home! An 18 hour, non-stop day! No wonder I was overwhelmed!!!

I've really been trying to handle my stress better of late, and trying to view things as steps of a larger process is one way I'm doing that. Mike keeps telling me this all the time, but it's difficult when you are juggling multiple steps of multiple processes at the same time. I'm so glad God gave women the gift of multi-tasking! This morning, when the sense of overwhelming began to overtake me, I stopped and remembered to take it all in smaller steps. I first asked God to give me strength to make it through the day. I also remembered what we talked about last night in OT class, how God wanted to teach the Israelites that He would provide for their daily needs, that they could trust him to provide for their daily needs. That lesson was quite transferable to my situation. So, I changed my prayer from asking for strength for the end of the day to asking for strength for the next step.

And now, as I am home and preparing for bed, I choose to take a moment and reflect on the day. God answered my prayer. He truly gave me strength for the next step. And for that I am truly thankful. I serve an awesome God who knows and cares for my every need. Praise the Lord!

AIG: Who's To Blame?

2008-09-18T03:38:00.000-04:00

Last night, I tuned into the news for the first time to find out what was really going on with the US Investment crisis. On Fox News, Sheppard Smith explained the reason for the fallout in one of the most consise ways I've seen thus far. I tried to find a screencap of that to post here, but it's 3:45 am, and I don't have the energy to really search right now. He showed a pyramid, that explained how the crisis begins, from the bottom with the housing lenders, all the way up to the top to the investors and AIG insuring the investors money.

The one thing that stuck out, though, was that everyone is looking for someone to blame. Some blame AIG. Some blame the Republicans. Some blame the Democrats. Some blame the government as a whole. Some blame the insurance regulators. I'm sure somewhere someone blames the stars not lining up correctly. The truth of the matter is, though, the blame lies with each one of us!

The blame lies with all of us that have perpetuated the myth of the new definition of the American Dream: that you can whatever you want, no matter the cost to you or anyone else. We apply this to material things, relationships, business, safety, security, peace, etc. It doesn't matter if you can't afford what you want or if it belongs to someone else. Just go get it. That's what America is all about. We have become a society of greed and selfishness. We have allowed our desire to "have it all" to cloud our judgment of what we can truly afford and more importantly, what we truly need.

I'm guilty of this myself. The computer I'm typing on right now, did I calculate the total cost, stop and seriously review my monthly expenses and spending habits, save money for a few months? No! I went to the store, found what I wanted, decided in a matter of minutes what I would give up monthly to be able to make the payments, and I went home with a new computer. All in the matter of a couple of hours! I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right then! Did I necessarily need a computer? No...but it sure has come in handy and has made my life easier (until it crashed this past spring and I lost almost everything...then I realized how trivial everything was)! The advantage I had was I that I have parents who raised me with a great deal of fiscal responsibility. I understood that paying the minimum monthly payment on said computer would just end up costing me more, so instead of paying a monthly minimum, I payed a monthly maximum (all that I could afford) until the computer was paid off over a year before the original date! I'm doing the same with my car. However, I don't always do this, and I'm starting to realize that even the little things (such as eating out, trips to Wal-Mart, etc.) should be considered with such care.

It's when we spend what we don't have because of simple human greed that we find ourselves in financial trouble. I do not intend to address in this blog whether or not the government should have bailed AIG out. I will leave that for the professionals and the media. My point is simply this: we all hold some responsibility for this crisis. We should all stand up and take responsibility for this crisis by looking at our spending habits, making wise decisions when it comes to purchasing "the necessities," reevaluating our material needs. We need to teach our children to talk about these things with their potential spouse before they enter into a marriage relationship. We need to teach our children what it means to be fiscally responsible, by example and daily teachable moments. We need to remember what the American dream really meant all of those years ago: with hard work and dedication, you can accomplish great things.

Most importantly, though, we need to remember that all of our wealth, physical and spiritual, comes from one place: God! He has provided us with everything that we have and has promised to provide us with everything we need.

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30

It is only when we realize that ALL of our resources come from God alone that we can truly be good stewards of those things. We need to be an example for those around to us to be satisfied with what we have been so richly given, to find contentment, not in material things, but in our God.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

So I accept the blame! I accept the responsibility that comes with accepting the blame. I want to live my life in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I want to use the resources I've been given to make an eternal difference. Perhaps that is the most important question we should ask before spending money. What kind of eternal difference will this purchase make? I think its time that we Christians in America humble ourselves before God and earnestly pray, seeking healing for our land.

Free

2008-08-20T22:01:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I spent the evening at the local jail. No, not as an inmate. I was there to post bond for someone and pick them up upon their release. What I thought was going to be a quick process lasted over 3 hours! While I hated just about every minute of those three hours, now that I'm home safe and snug in my bathrobe, I am thankful for those three hours, for it was in those three hours that my precious Lord and Savior so lovingly reminded me of his wonderful, marvelous grace.

I had many new experiences tonight. I felt like an outsider in a strange world, one that I thought was reserved for Jerry Springer or Maury Povich. I don't think I truly believed people live like that, but after tonight, I'm pretty sure they do. This new reality was just that, a reality. I heard stories of people who make it a part of their weekly schedule to go visit a friend or family member at the jail. They are like members of an extended family. They know one another. They know their stories. They care for one another. They talked about impending release dates like I talk about upcoming vacation. I was not a part of their world. I witnessed people coming in to leave money for inmates, so they could enjoy an extra honeybun this week...okay it's probably money for cigarettes, but the honeybun sounds better, so I choose to believe that! I sat next to a woman who was visiting her husband, while she had also been in jail in the previous year. I sat next to another woman who was visiting her boyfriend who got her arrested because he was doing drugs at her house. She spoke of her child and how she didn't know who was going to be raising the baby since both of she and her boyfriend had been arrested. I'm pretty sure two ladies of the night came in to visit their pimps, but maybe not.

I was okay until about 9 pm, but that's when things started getting crazy. The emotion of it all began to get to me, but luckily the person I was there to pick up was finally released before I made a complete fool of my overly emotional self! When I got home, I wanted to do one thing. I wanted to take a shower and wash all of the jail funk off of me. I just felt dirty. I felt like I had been forced inside of one of those snow globes and couldn't get out, but instead of a pretty snowy scene it was an ugly, drab and gray one. Very sad. And now that I was on the outside, I wanted to wash off every remembrance of that place. So, I got in the shower. And in the shower, God taught me the lesson. I knew it was coming. I could feel it. Sitting in the lobby at the jail, I couldn't help but look for the bigger picture, the lesson that God was trying to show me, but it wasn't until I was able to step out of the situation that I realized what it was.

You see, all of us, before we know Christ as our Savior, are like those prisoners. We are bound by our sin. Nothing we can do can get us out. Sure, people can give us money to help us survive the bondage, they can visit to make it feel better for a small amount of time, but at the end of the day, the chains are still there. (I sang My Chains Are Gone tonight in my heart as I waited. It had such a new meaning sitting at the jail.) But, when Christ comes into our hearts, when we believe in Him and truly accept Him as our Lord and Savior, the bondage is over. We are released. We are FREE!

I found myself looking down on those people living in that alternate reality tonight. I thought I was better than them. I still can't fathom that life, but God reminded me that before Him, I was nothing. I was just like those people. And the only thing that saves me is His grace. The only thing that changes that is His grace and grace alone! I stood in the shower and sang, through my tears, a song from many years ago by Steven Curtis Chapman. The words are:

I am free, I have been forgiven
God's love has taken off these chains and given me these wings
I'm free, yeah, and the freedom I've been given
Is something that not even death can take away from me

As I was singing, I thought of my need to take the shower in the first place. I wanted to wash away any evidence of the jail. I thought to myself, what a beautiful picture of baptism, the symbolic washing and cleansing of our sin. I began to question, though, do I have the same sense of urgency to wash myself of my sin on a daily basis. To get rid of the funk. To get rid of any evidence of the bondage. I don't. But I think that's what God wants us to want. To be so disgusted by our sin that our greatest desire is to let him wash us clean. To not be able to live with the sin in our lives. To truly feel free!

I was reminded tonight that freedom is a precious gift. Spiritual freedom is a priceless gift. It is a gift that we can never earn and something we can never be good enough to keep. It is a gift that we must accept from one who gave all even though we deserve nothing. I am so thankful for my God. There is no greater description of Him tonight than this:

I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness;
I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations,
to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
from the prison those who sit in darkness.
I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other.
Isaiah 42:6-8a

In Awe

2008-08-05T23:04:00.000-04:00

I am finding it hard to remember a time when I have been in such awe of my God! I'm sure there has been, but over the past weeks, God has revealed himself to me in ways that I just can't even fathom. Just a few moments ago, I was playing a song on the piano by Jill Phillips called The Day is Dawning, and one line of the song spoke to me like it never has before. The song is a prayer that begs "Lord set me in my place." I've always understood/interpreted that line to be a positive thing, like "Lord set me in the place that you want me. Help me find direction." But tonight, I understood the request in a different way. More of a "Lord, put me in my place." You see, we all need to be put in our place from time to time. It's good for all of us to remember that we are not in control and that the world does not revolve around our momentary or long-range wants or needs! And I don't think I've ever been brave enough to ask God to put me in my place, but He did it without my asking today!

This morning, in my time with God, I was reading from 1 Chronicles 28. This is the passage where King David gathers the people of Israel together to tell them that he had made the decision to build a temple for God, a place to house the ark of the covenant of the Lord. He made the plans. He went about preparing for this massive project. But then God told David that He was not the one to build the temple. God had that task reserved for David's son, Solomon. As I read this passage this morning, I couldn't help but feel that this was not a haphazard or random choice of scripture reading. I knew that this had relevance in my life and in what God is teaching me right now, but I didn't quite understand. I felt like that nine year old child again, trying to look through the opaque glass window of the preacher's office door at church. I could see that something was in there, but because of the distortion of the glass, I couldn't quite make it out! In the scripture this morning, I could see the truth, but I couldn't fully understand how to apply it.

One of the passages that stood out so prominently this morning were vs. 9 and 10. "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work." Wholehearted devotion and a WILLING mind!

It didn't take long for God to show me why this scripture was so important. I guess I should have expected it, but I didn't. With all of the ways that God has shown himself to me in the last few days and all of the wonderful things he's taught me, I should have known that Satan wasn't happy and that spiritual warfare was right around the corner. It happened first almost the minute I got to work. I let doubts creep in. I gave more power to a circumstance than I acknowledged to God. 1st cry! Not sobbing, just subtle tears.

Then, about 10:45, I got a phone call from the minister of music at church. Christopher was calling to tell me that the church staff had made the decision to do a Christmas children's choir production. Never mind that it had already been approved to do a "fall" themed production in late November in an effort to ease some of the stress and scheduling conflicts of the holiday season. Never mind that I had written and compiled the musical already. Never mind that we had already set a date and that I had planned my life and my holiday schedule around that date. Never mind that the people this affects were not a part of the decision making process. Never mind that it was scheduled for the next to the last weekend in November and that's really only 2 weeks before the Christmas one will take place so does it really make a difference if the parents hear their kids sing Christmas music or non-seasonal music. (I'm really not bitter about this anymore and I'm completely okay with it...I just have to share this part so that you can understand my thought process.) As Christopher was sharing this news and the reasoning for it, the 2nd cry began. I was surprised to have my eyes well up with tears and to feel my voice begin to waiver. Luckily, Christopher likes to talk so I had some time to "deal with" my surprising and pointless emotion before I actually had to speak. I gave our reasoning for wanting to do a musical in November instead of Christmas, but I think I was ultimately accepting. At least I hope I was.

And even though I didn't understand where the emotion was coming from, I did understand that it was not coming from anger that "my production" was not going to be performed this fall. In fact, I don't even think of it as mine. It was so clearly and completely given to me by God, it's really His! I was just the scribe! I even began to see how this could be a good thing, a blessing. We were going to be rushed to get the script finished and the music tracks recorded in such a short time anyway. This would give us more time. It would make my life easier. So why was I still fighting it? Where was this overwhelming emotion for which I seemed to have little or no control coming from? I hung up the phone without an answer to that question, but with the knowledge and acceptance that there would indeed be a Christmas children's musical. I commented to a coworker lightheartedly, "God is changing my plans, and I don't like it! I had everything scheduled perfectly, and God is telling me no."

Cue 3rd cry. This one was basically a series of several small crying moments. I couldn't seem to control myself and I couldn't even figure out why the tears were coming. Okay, so this sounds a lot like depression, but I promise you, it's not that. I didn't even recognize it at the time (because I was trying to pull myself together and clean my face so that I could go to lunch without looking like an emotional basketcase), but this was definitely the Holy Spirit molding and shaping my heart. In fact, I didn't even make the connection until later this evening. I had that "aha" moment when I realized, "Hey, this is pretty much what I read in scripture this morning." I made a plan. I started prepartions for that plan to take place. God intervened! God told me he had other plans. I think my tears were a product of my heart surrendering to God's plan with "wholehearted devotion and a willing mind," just like David instructed Solomon.

Like I said, God put me in my place. He reminded me that He is Sovereign! He is in control. It was painful. It hurt. But, I would much rather be in the place that God wants me or puts me than doing my own thing on my own terms. I think King David also wrote, "Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere (Psalm 84:10)."

So, no matter how painful it may be, I want my prayer to be that God set's me in my place. Sometimes He does that gently. Sometimes He just places His hand in the small of my back and directs me. Sometimes He draws me a road map. Sometimes, like today, He has to pick me up and move me from the place I've created and put me in the place that He's designed for me. I am so thankful I serve a loving God who is willing to do that, no matter how many times it takes!

Give me a chance, I want to change my ways
'Cause I can't live here and look the same
Let me look up, let me look to your face
And set me in my place, O Lord, set me in my place. (--Jill Phillips)

The Soul of Leadership - SMC 101 Blog Topic

2007-11-19T09:50:00.001-05:00

Leading with Soul...this descriptor encompasses a lot. It is our soul that makes us who we are. And that's a good question. Who are you? The author of this chapter touched on this and it brought back memories of an experience at church camp when I was in high school. The guy leading our group had us all sit in a circle and asked that question. He would go from person to person, getting a little frustrated when we would only say our names. So, who am I?

I am a daughter. I am a daughter who often takes her parents and their love and concern for granted. More than often, I put my own needs before my the needs of my mom and dad, but they continue to love me anyway. I am a daughter who is loved. I am a daughter who loves.

I am a sister. I am a sister who longs for a deeper relationship with her sibling. I am a sister who lets weeks go by without calling or being called. But when it counts, I am a sister who is there!

I am blessed. I am better than I deserve. I am thankful for the life I have been given and the opportunities that God has set before me. But often, I take this life for granted and fail to take advantage of every opportunity.

I am a crier. I cry at movies, TV shows, weddings, funerals, graduations, and in those rare but quiet times at night when my heart hurts. It is then that my cries are the most pure, because it is then that I cry out to God, begging him to hear my secret pain. And he always does. And he comforts me.

I am creative. I like to make things new. The status quo bores me and frustrates me to no end! Life should be exciting and new every day. Not the same old thing.

I am a risk taker, but only in the abstract. I'm not sure if this is even possible, but it pretty much describes me. I can take risks with ideas, but not with the physical. I won't even get on an airplane because of my irrational fear, but I firmly believe that groups and organizations will never grow unless they are willing to let go of their fears and take risks. I guess I should reevaluate my thinking on this or line my actions up with my values.

I am a maker of music. Music is in my soul. It has been from the day I was born. I can't hide it. I can't fight it. The music must get out! I must sing!!!! I must compose!!!! I must SING!

I am a sinner. I struggle every day to die to self and take up the cross. I struggle to live with the joy that has been given to me in Jesus Christ. Instead, I let my shortcomings and my sinful nature reign. Thank God for His amazing grace. I am a sinner, but I have been redeemed!

So, that's who I am, or at least a part of who I am. I think it might take up more space than we have to truly describe who I am. But if we don't take time to really understand who we are, we can never truly help others discover who they are. And this is what leaders do. This is what leaders with soul do! Help others facilitate that discovery. Help others learn to trust themselves and others. Help others learn to take risks. Help others learn what it means to serve. Help others learn...

Knowing God

2007-10-24T09:27:00.001-04:00

The horrific wildfires in California were obviously the top story on this morning’s Today Show. Although I didn’t watch, a friend was telling me that the journalists were reporting that many people were returning to the remains of their homes, finding nothing but the fireproof safes storing their most treasured possessions and paperwork. Matt Lauer then shared that he talked about the importance of those fireproof safes all of the time on the show, yet he doesn’t own one. The other journalists sitting around the couch echoed the same sentiments. They know how essential they are, but they’ve never taken the time to purchase one.

I immediately thought of how this is an analogy to the spiritual lives of many people around the world. People know about God. People know about Jesus. They know the stories. They know Bible verses. They may even go to church on a semi-regular basis. They hear people talk about God answering prayer. They’ve probably even prayed to God in times of desperation and great need. But that’s where it ends. They don’t really know God. They may even attest to how important knowing God is, but just like those journalists without the fire safes, they’ve never taken the time to get to “know” God! And unlike the fire safe, which can be somewhat expensive, knowing God and accepting His grace is FREE. Yet still, people refuse God. We refuse to spend time with Him. We refuse His grace and everlasting mercy. We refuse His love. Oh, we can know about him, but to truly know Him might mean we have to change. It might mean we have to give up something in our lives.

But what’s the alternative? Revelation 20:14-15 says, “14Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. 15If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. “ A life spent knowing about God but not knowing God has consequences, much like the fires in California that are destroying homes, land, and lives. We must be prepared. Someone once told me that there are about 18 inches between the head and the heart. Many people miss heaven by those 18 inches. Oh, they know about God. They know God in their heads, but God is not present in their hearts where it really matters. Knowing that you should have a fire safe has no benefit in the aftermath of a fire, when everything in your home has been destroyed. And knowing that you should have accepted Jesus as your Savior will have no benefit when you are standing before the throne of God during the Day of Judgment. Jesus stands with arms wide open, offering the gift of eternal salvation to all. "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If any one hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him and he with Me." (Revelation 3:20).

Attitude - Let Your Leadership Speak Chapter 3

2007-10-05T14:17:00.001-04:00

In the movie "Facing the Giants" the coach is a true example of how one's attitude can make a difference. He challenged his players to change their attitudes, both on and off the football field. Leaders sometimes forget or just don't want to realize that their own attitude will determine the attitude and spirit of those that follow them. In th big things and in the little things! Making sure people know they are appreciated goes a long way. Addressing problem areas in the right context and at the right time can make all of the difference.

We can learn a great deal from the dandelion. "The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment." This quote speaks volumes to me! I think back to a time when I was a child in my grandmother's yard. The dandelions were out in full force (in dandelion dust mode, when they are white, not yellow). I of course loved to pick dandelion after dandelion, close my eyes, make a wish, and blow as hard as I possible could. If all of the dust was gone when I opened my eyes, my wish was sure to come true. I remember my father scolding me for taking part in this childish activity. It was not that he didn't believe in wishes. He just knew that the more I blew that dandelion dust across the yard, the more dandelions would pop up, creating a yard full of them rather than grass. In my childish mind, there could be nothing better than a yard full of dandelions. I didn't quite understand my father's objection. As an adult, with my own yard, I now see his point. Dandelions can be quite annoying as they tend to consume the area around them. However, I often stop and force myself to remember those childhood wishes. It is with that spirit that I stop, pick a dandelion, close my eyes, make a wish, and blow with all of my might.

As leaders, we are more effective when we see dandelions as potential and be encouraging when dandelion dust flows and spins around us, than when we see dandelions as weeds trying to infest our territory!

Close your eyes! Make a wish! Blow! Blow! Blow!

On Relationships - SMC 101 Leadership Topic

2007-09-03T10:35:00.000-04:00

I have a mentor. My mentor is a woman I deeply admire. I knew from the moment I met her that she would be an important influence on my life. Her name is Glenda. I met Glenda my junior year of college. I needed a job. She had a job opening. The beginning of a perfect match! Glenda is the executive director of a national honor society for college freshmen. She had just stepped into this role after several years of working in other forms of higher education. Her office was located on my college campus, and she knew that there were hundreds of possible resources located at her fingertips! She needed a student employee. I remember that job interview. I was so nervous. I really needed a job, and this one was right on campus. I could walk to work. They would work around my class schedule. It seemed perfect. If only I could interview well enough to get hired. I knew I was capable. I knew I could do the work. If only they would give me a chance!

I was not the only one who interviewed. In fact, several months after I was hired, Glenda told me that another applicant was probably more qualified for the job. However, they felt that student had too much on her plate already, so they chose me. How thankful I am that they chose me!!!!!

It did not take me long after I started working for Glenda for me to realize that my association with her would go much farther than my part-time job. Glenda was a smart woman. Glenda stayed on the cutting edge of everything. She read something worthwhile every day. She did her best to stay ahead of the technology game. She knew what it meant to position herself in her world. And I knew how important it was to position myself around her.

Glenda is an encourager. When I struggled with academic responsibilities, she encouraged me to persevere. When I struggled with spiritual issues, she encouraged me to seek understanding. When I struggled with family issues, she encouraged me to keep the lines of communication open.

Glenda is a leader. She is in charge of leading a national organization. She is responsible for organizing volunteers located throughout the nation to action for the good of the organization. She is responsible for providing a vision for the organization, both for the present and the future. She is responsible for making sure the organization knows this vision and acts upon it.

Glenda could have just been another boss. I made a choice, though, to learn from Glenda. I made a choice to listen to Glenda, both her words and her experience. I made a choice to accept Glenda as my mentor and friend.

Glenda is still my go-to person. When I have a professional struggle, I often seek Glenda's advice. She has been where I am. She has contacts that can boost me in my professional life. She has words of wisdom to share. She encourages me to strive for excellence. She encourages me to take risks. If I had failed to develop such a strong working relationship with Glenda during college, I would not be where I am today.

The ability and willingness to build relationships with people who care, people who share your values, people who seek excellence, is an important quality every leader should have. But we must open ourselves to teachable moments. We must listen to others and learn from our relationships. We must position ourselves around people who want the best for us and who understand the role they play.

Death of a saint

2007-08-30T20:04:00.000-04:00

I just found out that the world lost one its greatest musicians in July 2007. Most people have never heard of her, but for a group of girls, spanning several generations, she will forever be remembered. I will especially remember her on Sunday evenings during the summers or when I hear the song "Climb Every Mountain." I will remember her anytime I have the privilege of directing the children's choir at church. I will remember her when I'm asked to quote my favorite scripture. I will certainly remember her anytime I see the cover of one of those old Sing & Celebrate songbooks.

Judye MacMillan, or Judye Mac, served her Lord and Savior for countless summers as the music director at Camp Crestridge for Girls in Ridgecrest, NC. I had the opportunity to attend that camp for seven summers, and Judye Mac was always a vital part of my summer experience. In fact, when I picture the Crestridge chapel in my head, it's hard not to see her standing on stage leading the music. For many years, I was deathly afraid of her. Maybe afraid isn't the right word. I was in awe of her. Yes, that's it, AWE! She knew so much about music. She demanded excellence. One of my fellow Crestridge alumni described her as "commanding your attention." And she did. Not with a loud booming voice. Not with a mean spirit. But with a gentle, quiet strength. And we knew that everything she did, she did for God's glory.

She is the only woman I know that could take 40-50 girls, put a musical in their hands, and have it perfect and ready to share in four weeks, with just 1-2 hours of practice per day. And this was not just singing. There was drama! There was dancing! It was amazing! And, half of the girls left at the end of two weeks and were replaced with different girls. Somehow, it all worked out. I still remember the musicals, the songs, the motions, so much. And she did this on top of teaching songs for worship on Sunday mornings. One of the songs she taught me was called "A Man for all Seasons." I remember where I was standing when we learned that song. I remember her sharing with us how the song spoke to her. It's still one of my favorite songs.

There is only one other person in my life who has influenced me so much musically, and that is Carolynn Malmborg. Interestingly enough, Mrs. Malmborg and Judye Mac both attended Carson Newman College, both majored in music education, and attended during the same 10 year span. They are very similar in their approaches to directing choirs. It's almost spooky sometimes. I guess they learned from the best, and I am privileged to say, that I, too, learned from their best!

But the one thing I will never forget about Judye Mac is what she told my mom after closing program during my last summer as a camper in 1993. For some reason that year, I was heavily involved in the music skill classes. I sang in both ensembles, sang in the CCC choir, and took guitar. I'm not really sure why. I guess I knew it was my last year, and I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity to learn from Judye Mac and her music staff. Maybe I was just beginning to discover my love for music. I remember being selected to serve as the music assistant on camper day that year. I was so excited! I remember thinking, "Wow, they must think I can do this if they selected me. I didn't even know they knew my name!" A few days later, after rehearsal for closing program, I received one of the greatest honors of my life. It was time for camp awards to be given out. I had received awards in years past, for archery, puppets (only because I was the only person in the class over the age of 10!), and more, but there was one award that seemed to be coveted by everyone at camp, at least those of us who were musically inclined: the CCC Music Award. Looking back, I'm not sure why it held such high esteem in our minds, over all of the other awards, but now I think I'm beginning to understand. Receiving that award meant you received Judye Mac's seal of approval! I thought I had heard wrong when they called my name. Surely I was just hearing what I wanted to hear. That award still means more to me than I can describe with words, because I know that Judye Mac approved of me and at least for a moment, believed I was worthy of such an honor. But there is something that means more than that. After closing program that year, Judye Mac pulled my mom aside and uttered words that I will always remember. "Don't ever let her stop singing." I know that I am not the most talented singer in the world. I would probably never make it onto American Idol (even if I was still young enough). But those six words have encouraged me over the past 14 years over and over again. God reminded me of her words in college when I did not make it into the singing ensemble for our BSU. Little did I know that God had other great things in store for me that I would have missed if I had been a part of that group. God has used that encouragement countless times in my life, even at times when my pride was getting in the way of His plan. And I know that Judye Mac was not just referring to singing when she spoke those words to my mom. She was talking about using my talents to glorify my heavenly father, for now and evermore! Just as she taught us countless times to say I Am Willing Lord to play The Part that You Wrote for Me because we know that Nothing can Separate us from His Love.

This past December I did an internet search to find Judye Mac. I was going to email her and thank her for the influence she had on my life. I found her email address but got busy after the Christmas holidays and never took the time to send her a message. How I regret that now! I wish I could tell her how much she meant to me and how much she shaped my life, both musically and otherwise. We have truly lost a musical saint! I direct the children's choir at my church. We start rehearsals again in just a few weeks. I hope that I can be just 1/10 of the director for them that Judye Mac was for countless girls at Camp Crestridge. Thank God for Judye Mac and for the lives that she touched through her unselfish service to her Lord and Savior.

2007-07-02T09:39:00.000-04:00

The following excerpt came from a monologue at the end of the Lifetime show, Army Wives on July 1st. While this is not directly from an army wife, I believe it is a reflection of how many feel. Sometimes we forget the role the families of those defending our freedoms both overseas and here at home play. I was brought to tears on Friday evening at the Red, White, and Boom celebration as I watched mothers file onto the stage holding pictures of their sons who are serving in the US military. As July 4th approaches and you pause to celebrate the freedoms we do have, pause to remember those fighting around the world for the cause of freedom, as well as their family members who live everyday with the burden of being separated from their loved ones.

I married a committed military man, and I have loved this military life. I have also had to put my personal opinions aside, to truly understand that our defenders of freedom are fighting a bigger battle. Not a political one. Their battle goes beyond politics, beyond religion, race, or gender. They’re the defenders for us all. They’re the defenders of our differences. As one soldier is taken away from us, another returns to us. There is balance in the universe, a natural system of order.

Look beside each soldier and you will find the people who fight with them. The spouses, the sons, the daughters, the families. We serve, too. Their victories are our victories. Their defeats are our defeats. Together we fight for our freedom.

For 18 years I have tried to be the perfect wife and mother. Each day I disappoint myself. Human life isn’t about perfection. It is about accepting the flawed, the misguided parts of ourselves. We keep trying, we keep loving, we keep believing. I am proud of the role we play maintaining peace in our country and in the world. I am proud to stand beside a man whose integrity shines like a diamond in the dust. And I am proud to call myself an army wife.

2007-05-30T08:26:00.001-04:00

He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God. Joshua 4:24 (NIV)

My father has a tone of voice that means business. As a child, it frightened me into obedience. When I heard that tone inflected in his voice, I knew that something was not right. Fortunately, my dad used that tone of voice with my sister more often than with me, but it still had the same effect. I knew at that moment, my dad was demanding my attention and submission. As an adult, that tone of voice still affects me! In fact, it was only a few short months ago that I last heard my dad use that tone of voice. I had called my dad to ask him a question and seek his advice about a problem with my car. Looking back on the situation, I don’t think I really wanted his opinion. I just wanted him to agree with me. He kept trying to interject some very thoughtful and wise counsel, but I kept interrupting him. And then, I heard it! That tone of voice came through the telephone receiver and drew me to attention me just as much as is did when I was a small child sitting at the dinner table. “If you would just shut up and listen to me, I might be able to help you,” proclaimed the booming voice of my father. Now, you must understand that the tone of voice was not the only startling quality of this statement. In my parent’s household, shut up is and always has been a bad word. If individual words could receive ratings like movies, shut up would be rated R in my parents’ minds. I knew that if my dad was using a phrase he so deeply abhorred, along with the tone of voice, he meant business. Immediately, I was called to attention. I shut my mouth and truly listened to what my dad had to say. In that moment, God reminded me, that although I may be an adult, my father is still my father and deserves my respect. I may not agree with what he has to say, but I at least owe him the courtesy of listening. After all, I was the one who asked for his advice in the first place. How foolish can I be?

My dad’s tone of voice invokes fear. Not a fear of being physically or emotionally injured or attacked. My dad is one of the gentlest people I know. It is not a fear like small children have of monsters under their beds either. This fear is a sense of respect. This fear is the realization that I don’t have all of the answers and can benefit from the experience and love of my father. I just regret that it often takes this tone of voice to remind me that my dad is always deserving of such fear and respect. He deserves it because of his position, because of the love he has already shown me, and because of his promise to always take care of me. My desire should be to please him in all that I do. My desire should be to seek his wise counsel. My desire should be to honor him through my words, actions, and deeds.

What a moving picture of the relationship between father and child. There is one, however, who is more deserving of my fear and respect than my earthly father. Unfortunately, I treat Him much like I treat my dad. I get comfortable in my relationship with Him and fail to shower him with the respect He deserves. I so often fail to call on Him for guidance, and when I do, I don’t really want to listen to what He has to say. I want Him to agree with me. I want Him to tell me that I can do it my way. In fact, sometimes the only reason I go to Him in the first place is because I know I should. I don’t go with an open heart and an open mind. I approach Him with my mind made up and my feet firmly planted on the path of my choice. The one I am speaking of is my father, my Heavenly Father. In the book of Joshua, the prophet writes that God performed the great miracle at the Jordan River so that forever we would fear the Lord our God. I believe, though, that as the people of God, we have forgotten what it means to fear God, and the sad thing is, most of the time we don’t even care. We are more content to live our lives according to our standards, ignoring the loving God who created us to walk in communion with Him. When we truly fear the Lord, we are broken by our sin. Unfortunately, I find myself caught up in the trap of sin far too often. But it doesn’t break me. In fact, most of the time, it doesn’t even effect me. I take forgiveness for granted, and even though it is freely given, it is not something to be taken lightly. If I fail to pause and realize the wonder of God’s grace, if I forget the price that was paid for my sin, if I do not fall on my knees before my living God and acknowledge his pain and suffering at my expense, then I do not fear the Lord. My Savior cried out in anguish under the weight of my guilt and shame, yet I take my forgiveness and walk away time after time without shedding a tear. He who was innocent suffered at the hands of evil men on my behalf, yet I do not have to suffer because of his loving forgiveness. How can I truly say that I fear the Lord if I do not recognize the price of my sin and allow myself to be broken at the foot of the cross?

My gracious and loving heavenly father. Please forgive me when I fail to fear you. Please forgive me when I take your forgiveness for granted. Please remind me every day of your unfailing love. When I stumble, draw me to attention. When I fail you and follow my own path, gently lead me back to you with your firm hand. When I come to you seeking your advice, but with my mind already made up, remind me that you alone are all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present, and forever faithful. Amen

Questions

2007-05-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

This will be list that will grow as I think of more! I just wanted to put it away safely so that I wouldn't forget them.

Questions to ask a potential mate:

1. How would you describe your relationship with God?
2. What are two or three things that God has been teaching you in the past month?
3. Describe the relationship between your parents when you were growing up.
4. Describe your parents' relationship now.

Was it all a dream?

2007-03-04T00:34:00.000-05:00

So, for the past several days, I have been at a student activities programming conference with some of my students. We've had a great time. I met Bob Guiney (of abc's The Bachelor fame) and Dennis Haskins, who is better known as Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell. There were a few other celebrities as well. We had a pretty good time, but on Friday night, something strange happened. Before I go any further, you have to understand that at these conferences, events start at 8 AM and end around 2 AM, leaving you with about 4 hours of sleep each night. Some of us advisors forget that we aren't college students anymore and by the end of the week, the lack of sleep catches up with us. Well, I decided to turn in relatively early Friday evening, around 1 AM. I rode the elevator up to my floor and got off with one of the artists who was showcasing at the conference whose room was on the same floor. I've had this guy, Matt Larson, (phenomenal muscian by the way, you should definitely hire him for an event) on my campus so we know each other and were talking as we turned the corner of the hallway.

As we rounded the bend, we were greeted by a sleepy resident of one of the first few rooms, warning us that some crazy student had just run down the hallway, breaking all of the globe lights on the walls. Sure enough, there was shattered glass all up and down the hallway and most of the globes on the lights were missing/broken/in pieces, etc. We asked a few questions and continued down the hallway, talking about how silly this all was. As we reached the next corner, another door opened to another sleepy lady telling us she had just called the police. She had seen the guy run into one of the rooms and said he had done all of this with his hands. Then she said, "I hope they can find him." Of course, my first thought was, just look for the guy with the bloody hands! Pretty simple, but okay.

So, Matt Larson and I continue down the hallway, still talking about the senselessness of it all, but not too fazed. After all, these are college students, and alcohol was probably involved. Not that it's an excuse, just a reality. I said goodnight, went into my room, and proceeded to prepare for the ed session I was leading the next morning.

Fast forward to the next morning. My friend Amanda and I are walking down the hallway towards the elevators when it dawns on me, there is no broken glass in the hallways. There are no half broken globes on the lights on the walls. In fact, if you had not seen it the night before, you would have never known that anything had happened. Only a few short hours had gone by and everything was back to normal. Brand new globes were on the lights. The glass on the floor was gone. Nothing was out of order! Perhaps this surprised me more than it should have because I work at an institution where broken things often stay broken for months! Rarely does anything get fixed overnight, and never in the middle of the night! When I saw my students at lunch on Saturday, I relayed the story to them and asked if they saw it when they got to their rooms last night. They didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Let me break down this timeline for you: 1 AM - I head to my room amidst broken glass and lamp globes. 2 AM - they head to their room and nothing is out of the ordinary. Same hallway, same floor, same night/morning, 1 hour difference.

It's at this point that I start to wonder if I dreamed the entire thing up! After all, I have been keeping long hours with little or no sleep. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. Throughout the day, my students become more and more convinced that I'm making the story up! I know that I at least have one witness that I can count on to confirm my story, but the more the students question me, the more I begin to question myself!

Was it all a dream? Did I imagine it? It seemed so real last night. It seemed crazy at the time, but it was very real. It's strange how the human mind works. How you start to question truth even when you are sure of yourself. Just one little seedling of doubt can convince you of the opposite. The media counts on this phenomenon. So do con artists, abusers, predators, etc. Knowing truth and beleiving truth are often two separate things. Believing truth requires faith. Doubt is a powerful tool, but only if we give it power.

God's word is right in John 8:32 where it says "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." I did feel free with I found my other witness later in the evening to confirm the story. These hotel people were really on the ball. It must have been like being in a Nascar pit crew when they were replacing those globes. Maybe they should come train our maintenance staff at work. Maybe I should get more sleep.

HOPE

2007-01-17T08:39:00.000-05:00

This is not something I wrote. It's something I read on a young child's caringbridge site. But it fits my circumstance lately.

There may come a time when little makes sense, and evil and chaos seem to be winning the day. These might be times when we feel hopelessness and confusion, when we do not see even a flicker of light. And the lesson of Jesus’ scars is to hold on, to be patient and to trust God, even when we cannot see any reason to do so. He will help us. There is a loving God who can sustain us, enable us to endure, and mold us into someone better than we were before. The cross prepares us for difficult times. The resurrection proves that God is greater than evil, and it gives confidence and HOPE during the dark times. Because the risen Christ’s wounds show us that our hope is not in vain.
Rebecca Manley Pippert
His Miracles

The Lord's Presence

2007-01-15T07:28:00.000-05:00

11 Then He said, Go out and stand on the mountain in the Lord's presence. At that moment, the Lord passed by. A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper. 13 When Elijah heard [it] , he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
1 Kings 19:11-13 (HCSB)

There's been a situation in my life for the past six months that I don't understand. It's not even my situation. It belongs to someone else! A young girl is having to deal with things that NO ONE should experience. I honestly thought some of her family situations were reserved for the talk shows like Jerry Springer or Maury. I thought they were fake. But I now know they are real. And it saddens me to no end.

God showed me something this morning, though, that amazes me. He is indeed true to His word, and even when I don't understand the situation, I can hold to this promise! I have been praying diligently for the past several months that God would show His power in this young girl's life, that He would change her situation, that He would "take care of the bad guys!" I could not understand why God was not honoring my prayer. I kept receiving assurance from God that He was indeed there and that my response should be praise, even in the midst of the horrible. I was having a hard time praising, and I knew this young girl had to be struggling even more.

Yesterday, another terrible thing happened. I cried out to God, "Where are you? Why aren't you showing yourself? Why won't you show your power? I keep telling her you are more powerful than all evil, but why aren't you proving it to her and to me?"

Last night, God reminded me of the scripture from 1 Kings about Elijah standing in the presence of God. In that instance, God did not show himself in the fire. He did not show himself in the mighty wind. He did not show himself in the earthquake. All of those things were of God, but God showed himself to Elijah in a whisper. It took me all night, but this morning I finally realized that God has been showing His power this entire time. He has been answering my cries. I was just expecting it in a huge and miraculous way. I was puttig parameters on the ways God could show His power in this situation. I was trying to make God an image of myself instead of the other way around. I wanted God to do what I wanted Him to do. But God doesn't work that way. And He is continually reminding me of that. You see, God has been there all along. This young girl has had several opportunities to give up, to take a break from the world, to end it all. In fact, most people in her situation would have done so. However, God has given her the strength to persevere. God has been there, walking beside her, giving her some glimpse of hope, no matter how small. Without God in her life, there is no telling where she would be right now.

Now, I still don't understand why God is choosing to work this way. It seems to me it would be better for everyone if He would just sweep in and save the day. But, I suppose we might miss the lessons He's teaching all of us if He did that. We would miss out on Him drawing us closer to himself. We might overlook God. We might give someone else the glory, a glory that belongs to God alone. The prophet Isaiah wrote:

8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways. [This is] the Lord's declaration. 9 For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (HCSB)

I've spent a great deal of my morning praising God for His faithfulness, for His goodness, for His lovingkindness. I praise the Lord that He taught me this lesson, in spite of myself! Here are the words to the chorus of a song God gave me recently.

You are God, You are Lord
You are Holy, Everlasting Father
Mighty God, Prince of Peace
Jehovah Jireh, My Provider
The Comforter, who comes to me, in my ever-present need
The tiny babe in Bethlehem
Forgiving Savior in Jerusalem
So I fall down on my knees
Before the glorious, almighty
Hope of the world.

To God be the Glory!!!!

Christmas 2006

2006-12-26T08:36:00.000-05:00

I have painfully neglected my blog over the past several months, so I guess this will go on my New Year's Resolution list! Anyway, Christmas has come and gone. It flew by this year! And now, sitting here on December 26th, I wonder why it is this date seems to give people the freedom to go back to being selfish and stop thinking of others. So many of us seem to lose the Christmas spirit as soon as Christmas Day comes to a close. I have to go to Wal-Mart today, and let me just say, I am dreading it BIG TIME! Talk about a place that will make you lose your Christmas spirit! At least I only have to go to the Tire/Auto center and can avoid the rest of the store. For that, I am very thankful. I just pray that this year we will not forget what it means to put others first and to live constantly with a giving spirit.

So, here are some humorous highlights from this Christmas season:

1. My cousin Tre's ending to the reading of the Christmas story from the Bible: "And we'll just stop right there because it goes on to talk about circumcision."

2. My family's overwhelming reaction to my Christmas letter. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess I have to write one every year now!

3. My family and the Caramel Cake Comedy!

4. A conversation with little 3 year old Madison from my church:
Me: Madison, you got a haircut. It's beautiful. Is that your special Christmas haircut?
Madison: No, it's just a regular haircut.

5. Finding out that Christopher, from the Children's Choir I direct, wanted everything about their Christmas performance to be a surprise from his parents and would only practice in his room with the door shut. Too cute!

6. A family at church, almost spilling the beans about Santa Claus to their son in the middle of a Christmas party!

7. My boss' embarrassing introductions of staff members at our annual Christmas party. Apparently to him, we are all "our newest acquisitions"...oh, and the Irish Meade...can't forget that!

It really was a great Christmas season. Funny, special, touching, emotional, loving, and memorable. May we truly experience God with us throughout the year.

Rain

2006-09-04T18:21:00.000-04:00

It's raining right now. I don't feel like being profound. I feel like being at home. I wish I was at home. But, I can't go home because I have to lead a workshop in about 45 minutes. I would rather be at home, in my pajamas, snuggled under a blanket, watching TV. Tomorrow is a big day for me. The day I begin to see one of my dreams come true. I am no longer hoping. I am doing. It may not change the external part of my life much, but I think it will definitely change me on the inside. I'm kind of nervous. People are going to read my thoughts and hear my words. I don't know if any of it is any good, but that's not really why I'm doing it anyway. I am making a choice to take a step towards fulfilling a dream.

I may be fired when I return to work on Wednesday. I'm trying to remind myself that all people, even the ones I find it hard to like, are God's creation and deserve to be treated with respect. I'm trying to love my enemy. It's hard, though. I'm hurt. Other people are hurt. And my enemy just sits back satisfied with himself. But this is the real world. I just pray that God will help me love him. I really don't want to, but I guess that doesn't really matter. I've been commanded to love him by God himself. And pleasing God is much more important than pleasing man or my own ego.

Time Stood Still

2006-08-26T17:00:00.000-04:00

There I was, standing in line at the jewelry counter at the local Wal-Mart because time was standing still, at least according to my watch. It had said 4:30 for about 5 days, so I was on a mission for a new battery. As I was waiting, a lady and a little girl, about 7 or 8 years old, walked up on the other side of the counter. The lady explained that the little girl was lost and looking for her mother. It was then that I noticed the little girl was crying. And not the kind of crying that results in a few tears down the cheek. She was sobbing uncontrollably, even having trouble catching her breath. The Wal-Mart associate tried her best to comfort the little girl, as did the lady who had obviously found her in this distressed state. Quickly, the associate made an announcement over the loud speaker, calling the mother's name and indicating that her party was waiting at the jewelry counter. Now I know, and you know, that the associate said it in this way because she was trained to do so. You can't just announce that a lost little girl is looking for her mother and is waiting at the jewelry counter. Who knows who might show up to claim her?

But, I couldn't help but wonder how that made the little girl feel. She was still sobbing uncontrollably, and I could almost hear her voice shouting, "Why are you calling for my mother, telling her I'm waiting for her? I'm not just waiting. I'm lost. I need her. I need her now. Why are you so calm? Don't you understand? I'm lost from my mother. Please do something. Please help me find her. Tell her I'm lost so she'll get here quicker. Please lady, please!"

A few moments later, the mother arrived and the little girl ran into her arms. Both mother and daughter were crying now. The mother tried to explain to whoever would listen what had happened. She was not careless. She had not intentionally lost sight of her daugther. It had just happened. She was so glad to have her daugther back safely in her arms. She spent several minutes consoling her and reassuring her that everything was okay now.

It that moment, I was struck by how similar her reaction is to God's when his children lose their way. The mother had not left her child. Instead, the child had wandered away from her mother, most likely because she was preoccupied by something in the store. Something flashy, something exciting to the 7 year old eye. And her preoccupation had caused her to wander. And the more she wandered, the more lost she became. Before long, she didn't even know how to go about finding her mother. That's often how we are as humans in our relationship with God. Something in the world that is flashy and interesting catches our eyes and leads us down a road, away from God. When we finally realize we are lost, it is often difficult to understand where to begin our journey back to him. Hopefully, there is someone in our lives that can help lead us back to Him, back to the place where he welcomes us with open arms. Back to the arms that comfort our sobs and help us breathe normally again. Back to safety and shelter. Back home. It is then, and only then, that we realize that God is faithful to His word when he said "I will never leave you or forsake you." He doesn't leave us. We walk away from Him. The Bible says in Hebrews to "fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith." Why is it, then, that I have my back to Him more often than my eyes fixed upon Him?

There was another part of the scene today that caused a catch in my throat. You see, the little girl had a sister that had been riding in the buggy with her mother throughout the entire episode. The younger sister didn't seem to understand what all the fuss was. She was laughing and giggling as if nothing had happened. She wanted to go eat something. What was the big deal? Her sister was there now? Was this really worth all of the commotion? That's what struck me the most out of the whole ordeal. You see, as Christians, too many times when our brothers and sisters are lost and are found again, we have the same reaction as the younger sister. What's the big deal? Can't we just go get something to eat? We've been walking (or riding as the case may be) with the Saviour all along. Is the fact that this person has now found their way back to the place they should have been all along really worth all this fuss?

The answer is a resounding YES!! Yes, it is worth all of the fuss. It is worth tears of joy! But too many times, we don't react that way. We treat it like it's an every day occurance and of no eternal importance. But it is! IT IS!!! We should rejoice just like the Saviour does. We should be excited that one of our brothers and sisters who was lost is now found. As the ninety-nine, we should be overjoyed and unable to contain our excitement.

It is no coincidence that I read Karen Kingsbury's new book, Found, this morning before I set out on my trip to Wally world. I don't know if this little moment would have registered with such importance if I had not read that book. The scene that played out in Wal-Mart echoed the theme of the book. We were all once lost and now am found. We should desire that for everyone in our lives. We should rejoice when it happens! We should do everything in our power to bring to life the eternity that God has set in each person's heart. An eternity with Him.

There were tears in my eyes as it became my turn in line at the jewelry counter. The tears slowly started running down my face as I continued to watch this family reunited. At first, I was ashamed, and thought, "I wonder what the associate is going to think of me crying." But then I decided I didn't care. Because this little girl, who was lost and now is found, represents so much more than I could ever imagine. It is definitely worthy of tears of joy. And for the moment, time stood still.

The Little Things

2006-08-24T17:55:00.000-04:00

Do you know how much I love my Direct TV? If they asked me to do a commercial, I would! And I hate being on camera. But I love it that much. I'm never at home to watch TV, so the invention of the DVR was quite an amazing contribution to my life! That's the only way I get to see anything. Well, this week, my Direct TV receiver decided to stop working. Who know's why, but when I called on Monday, the lady said the earliest anyone could come out would be Thursday between 1 pm and 5 pm. I still don't understand why they can't give you a smaller time frame, but nonetheless, I had to be satisfied with my Thursday fix it time. I kind of got the feeling that God was just telling me I needed to come home and rest at night instead of watching TV. It's been a crazy 2 weeks. I've worked 18 hour days, and quite frankly, I've been looking forward to going home tomorrow afternoon, locking the door, turning off my cell phone, unplugging the house phone, and watching TV! Of course, I can't see my shows I missed all week because of the lack of DVR, but thank goodness for Soapnet! General Hospital here I come!!!

Anyway, when the guy arrived at my house today to fix the darn thing, he started to give me a brand new DVR receiver!!! It could record twice as much as my old one, and it was going to be FREE!!!!! But, it didn't work either. I was beginning to think I was cursed and actually whined when he told me it would be two or three days before they could send a new receiver to me! I know the guy must have thought I was crazy. I'm sure he doesn't see a grown woman whining on her couch every day just because her cable is out.

In that moment, I was struck by the importance of the little, meaningless things in my life, like Direct TV, that seem to consume me. Why do I let them have so much importance? I don't know the answer, but I do. And, tonight, it will be very important as I watch TV for the first time since last Friday!!!!

I am so excited! Here I go again...

The Person I Want to Be

2006-08-03T22:42:00.000-04:00

So, this is my first blog entry ever! I hope it makes sense, but I guess by definition, it doesn't really have to!! Today was a strange day that helped me clarify some things I've been mulling over lately. I have a friend who's going through a pretty big storm right now. I don't always know what to say, or how to act, or what to do. This morning, though, I opened up and shared with her the lyrics to a song I wrote. The song is basically about how we deal with the storms in our lives. It's so easy to want to curl up, lie still, and hope the storm happens to pass over without doing much damage. In those times, it's so easy to question God, doubt God, be angry at God, etc. But it's at those times that we need to stand up and stand strong, and trust God to use the rain to wash over us, wash out impurities, and to cleanse us and open our eyes. I don't share songs I write very often. Most of the time, they are just for me. But I felt like this one could help her right now during this very violent storm. I actually started writing the song about 7 years ago when my friend Kristen's mom was battling cancer for the second time. I've had the chorus (words and tune) in my mind since then. Lately, I just felt compelled to finish it. It just so happened that me finishing it coincided with this friend's storm. Coincidence? I think not! We have a great God who can orchestrate timing seven years in advance for something so small.

It was her reaction, though, that made the most difference. This friend has this idea that I am some great woman of God, insightful, strong, faithful, etc. I guess I am those things from time to time, but not as often or as consistent as I would like to be or should be. I wish I could be that person for myself all the time! But I'm not. I fail. I sin. I do bad things. I have bad thoughts. I lust. I gossip. A couple of years ago, during a Bible Study I was leading for my college girls, one of them asked me, "Do you ever sin?" I had had a bad experience that day at Best Buy (the Geek Squad guy was being a jerk! - wow, how weird, a Best Buy commerical came on TV as I was typing that). I was not very nice to the sales guy at the store and was definitely not a Christian witness. So, the joke became with my students that I only sinned one hour a week, Thursdays from 4-5! If they only knew the truth! I'm singing a duet in church on Sunday. The chorus of the song says

Are we shiny happy people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open to every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain, on our stained glass masquerade

There's a line in the verse that says, "Am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?"

More often than not, I feel just that way. Like I am an actress, putting on a front for all these people in my life who have an idea of who I am. I just wonder what they would think if they really knew me or really saw me.

But the thing is, that's who I want to be. I want to be the person everyone thinks I am, but I don't know if I'll ever truly measure up to that. I want to be the person my friend thanked me for being this morning. With all of my heart, that's who I want to be. How do I blend that with the reality of who I really am. A flawed sinner. Thank heavens for God's grace!

On a similar note, I was sitting at dinner tonight in the cafeteria at the school. I happened to sit down with three male students that I know somewhat, but not very well. The table I would have chosen to sit at was full. So, I just sat down and started talking to these students. I noticed something familiar on the tshirt of the student who was sitting directly across from me. But, I just thought I was imagining things and decided to ignore it. A few moments later, he noticed the charm on my necklace (my Belle charm) and asked what it was. When he asked, he had this look of recognition on his face. I explained it was from a camp I went to growing up. He confirmed that it was Camp Crestridge and proceeded to tell me that he attended Camp Ridgecrest for 12 years and worked there for 2! That's why the logo on his shirt looked familiar. He started as a camper my last year as a camper, in 1993! Boy, did that make me feel old. But we still knew some of the same people. It was kind of surreal. The sad thing is, this student got into some trouble last year. It saddened me to think he had temporarily forgotten so many of those things he learned at camp. He succombed to peer pressure and other pressures that come with college life. We kind of established a friendship through that conversation tonight. Maybe God can use me to make a differene in this student's life over the next year. Maybe I can be a positive spiritual influence and remind him of some of those important camp values and lessons. Again, I am constantly amazed at how God can use me when I'm not even trying. Just think what a difference I could make for His kingdom if I was completely surrendered.