No, Kim, There is no Santa Claus

***Please note, the intention of this post is not to condemn any parents who use Santa as part of their Christmas celebration. I have no problem with that. I'm just telling my story!***

I never remember a time when I believed in Santa Claus. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Oh, I knew about Santa Claus. I heard stories about Santa Claus. I even remember going to JC Penney to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas (there were never pictures with Santa because my mom was too cheap to spend $5 on the photo like that!). I remember singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" with my mom in the car and having a discussion about whether or not I'd been a good girl. But I never believed in Santa as if he were a real being who actually brought presents. Maybe it's because we never received presents from Santa. All of ours were from Mom and Dad. All of our presents were wrapped. The only exceptions were the giant, life-sized teddy bears my sister and I received from our grandparents one year, and that was only because they couldn't find a big enough box! To me, Santa Claus was like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and all of the other fairy tale characters I knew. He was part of a story, a made-up story that people told at Christmas time and nothing more.

I don't think my parents consciously made a decision to not let us believe in Santa Claus. We just didn't, and it was never a big deal. As I've talked with friends over the past month or so about their decisions as to when to tell their children the truth about Santa, I've pondered why I never believed. I began to wonder if I somehow missed out on the magic of Christmas as a child. And that made me ponder my family's Christmas traditions. Christmas has always been one of my favorite parts of the year...my favorite holiday. Obviously, I didn't miss out on too much!

Then, on Friday night, my Sunday School class had their Christmas party at my house. Sitting on my coffee table is an Advent Wreath. Several years earlier, I had introduced our Sunday School department to the celebration of advent. I think they must have all lived under a rock because very few of them had ever heard of such, much less had any knowledge of an advent wreath. I became the subject of a lot of teasing, but I didn't care. I was determined to share with them this tradition that meant so much to me. Friday night, the teasing continued. It was then that I realized why celebrating Advent with the Advent Wreath is so important to me. And it all goes back to me not believing in Santa Claus.

Let me describe for you the scene in my house as a child during the Christmas season. The weekend after Thanksgiving, my family went to cut down a Christmas tree. When we arrived home, the Christmas decorations were immediately unpacked. And one of the first things we happened upon in the boxes of the Christmas decorations was the Advent Wreath. This, more than putting up the tree, really is the symbol of the start of the Christmas season for me! You see, my family always had nightly devotions together. This usually consisted of reading from one of our devotional books, talking about the scripture emphasis, sharing prayer requests, and ending with a loooooong prayer from my dad. But Advent devotions were different. There was something that was exciting, and it was more than just lighting candles! That was certainly part of it. My sister and I took turns each evening lighting the candles. We took our jobs very seriously and always loved the fourth week of Advent when there were four candles to light each evening! What fun! But like I said, it was more than just candles. This evening ritual brought us one step closer to Christmas each night. This evening ritual kept Christmas and the celebration of the day in it's proper light. Sure the gifts, decorations, music, lights, and everything else that comes along with Christmas is fun, but the real reason for the celebration is the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

You see, this is why I didn't believe in Santa. I didn't need to. Santa was just a story! Jesus is real! Jesus birth is real! Jesus life is real! The everlasting life we are offered because of Jesus' sacrifice is real! I didn't have to be warned to be "a good little girl" because Santa was watching. Our advent devotions gave me scriptural evidence of how God wants us to live our lives, totally submitted to Him. Sure, I asked for things for Christmas, but I don't ever remember being mad because "Santa" didn't bring me what I wanted. I usually received far more than what I asked for! Also, I had a different gift to focus on. The free gift that is available to all of us through Christ!

Advent means "the coming." The celebration of Advent was adopted by the Christian church centuries ago to help us spiritually prepare for the celebration of the coming of Christ to the earth as a baby, to reflect on Christ's promise that He will come again, and to focus on His present coming through His presence in our lives and through His grace. Santa Claus just seems to pale in light of Christ. "And the things of earth grew strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." Even today, I look forward to the celebration of Advent. When I moved out on my own, that first Christmas, my mom passed down our old advent wreath to me. The verses from various advent devotionals are some of my favorite: Psalm 108, Isaiah 7:9, Isaiah 9:6, Philippians 2:5-8, John 1:14, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, and on and on and on! I treasure this time every year. It helps me prepare my heart and focus my mind on the real reason for the season.

I didn't miss out on anything because I never believed in Santa. I had a greater gift, a greater reason to celebrate, a greater reason to sing, a greater song to sing! Christmas magic has nothing to do with Santa Claus. In fact, it's not magic at all. It's the supernatural moving of the Holy Spirit in our lives, guiding us, shaping us, and molding us into the people God wants us to be!

Advent Wreaths, Cat's Tails, and Sin

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is the Advent Wreath. Since childhood I have loved lighting the candles, spending a special time preparing my heart and mind for the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and growing in my faith as an individual and as a family. This year, though, the advent wreath, along with my cat Sassafrass, provided me with an unexpected lesson.
It was late yesterday evening, and I was sitting on the couch reading the day’s advent devotion. The advent wreath, with four candles lit, was sitting on the coffee table in front of me. Sassafrass decided to jump upon the table and walk upon the ledge from one end to the other. From my perspective, I could see what was about to happen. I also had the advantage of knowing how fire feels! Sassafrass, however, does not share this knowledge, at least she didn’t! I was plagued with a dilemma. I knew if I reacted too quickly she would be startled and disaster could ensue. I really didn’t want to try to explain to my insurance company that my house burned down because of the advent wreath! I also had a desire to protect her. I didn’t want her to get burned! I didn’t want her to feel the pain of the burn. I couldn’t move the wreath; I couldn’t touch her. I was stuck watching the entire episode occur. Sure enough, as she walked along the ledge of the coffee table, she came increasingly close to the fire. I gave a verbal warning, as if she could understand (yes I talk to my cat like she’s human), but to no avail. As she passed by the last candle, seemingly safe from danger, her tail started to dance back and forth, eventually passing right through the flame of the pink candle. The air flow that resulted from her dancing tail quickly extinguished the flame. I could smell it immediately. And so could she. The putrid smell of burning hair!
She immediately began to search for the source of the stench. It was evident that she was also feeling the effects of the burn from the candle. But she couldn’t quite figure it out. She inspected both of her sides. She looked at her tail, but decided that couldn’t be it. But you could tell she felt the burn. She started smelling everything around her. The floor, the table, ME! But she couldn’t find the source. Once, she even looked back at the flames of the candles as if to say, “I know you did something, but I just can’t figure out what!” This went on for several minutes. Finally, she decided to nurse the numb feeling in her tail. She sniffed, she licked, she did the things that cats do when they nurse their wounds. And then, she got up and continued on her way, far from the flame of the candles!

I immediately thought of how much her reaction to the situation is similar to our reaction to sin. At times, we walk right into it, getting burned beyond recognition. At times we play with fire/sin, knowing it’s not safe, but willing to accept the risk of the burn for the pleasure of the sin. At other times, just like Sassafrass last night, we walk so closely that we should get burned, pass by thinking we’re safe, and it gets us right when we least expect it. It gets us in our cat’s tail! We can smell it immediately. Most of the time, we can smell it before we feel it! We survey everything around us trying to find the source of the smell, when all along, we just don’t want to see the source. We don’t want to admit that we’ve been burned. We don’t want to admit that we are experiencing the consequences of the sin in our lives. Surely it must be something else. Surely it must be someone else. It’s not me. It can’t be! I didn’t think I was that close to the fire. I was safe! I was careful! That’s right. I was careful. Careful enough to get just as close to the fire as I possibly could without being burned. Careful enough not to heed the warnings of my heavenly father. Careful enough not to get too close to the. Careful enough to be burned by sin, just when I thought I was safe.
Why, oh why don’t I listen more closely to my heavenly Father? Why, oh why do I like to play with fire? Why, oh why do I refuse to recognize the sin in my life? Why is it so hard for me to admit to others that I struggle with sin?
Paul wrote in the book of Romans,

12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:12-14

I want to offer myself to God as an instrument of righteousness! I don’t want sin to be my master! I want to live in the grace and truth that is Jesus Christ this Christmas season. He came to us, as Emmanuel, God with us, full of grace and truth. One of the advent devotions I read this week brought to light the importance of Jesus being grace and truth! For one without the other wouldn’t work. One without the other would not open the doors for everlasting life. May God dwell in our hearts, not sin. May we offer ourselves fully and wholly to God.
Sassafrass is still nursing the burn on her tail, even as I type. I am thankful that in the midst of my sinfulness, I have a Savior who nurses my wounds for me. The wounds exist. The pain is real. There may be scars. But the healer is waiting with open arms. And the comfort He offers is like no other!

Help us, O God our Savior,
for the glory of your name;
deliver us and forgive our sins
for your name's sake.
Psalm 79:9

Carlton Dance

I'm sure that making this video has caused me to lose a jewel in my crown, but this is for Julie! Too funny!!! I guess I should put a disclaimer that I used someone else's you tube video and just added the music. Thanks to cybercobra for you hard work in putting all of these clips together. I hope he/she doesn't mind that I tweeked it a bit! I hope you enjoy this Julie!!!

Trash

This blog was actually written on February 19, 1997, when I was a junior in college. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and thought I would include it here.

This morning I was thinking about the gigantic trash compactor right outside of my dorm room. This one compactor serves over 300 people! Right now it is overflowing. there is a stream of trash flowing out of its mouth and down the sidewalk. It has not been emptied in a long time. What a shame, and what a sight for sore eyes when one walks out the back door!

Our lives are sometimes exactly like this trash compactor, only each person has their own garbage bin: our minds, our bodies, our souls. Many times we just let more and more "trash" enter in. And we have an instinct or mechanism that will compact the trash and leave room for more to be added. But pretty soon, just like the trash compactor outside of my dorm, there is no more room! Nothing else can be compacted. The "trash" begins to flow out. It can be seen in our actions and expression and can be heard in our attitudes and negative words. And many times, even though we know that is is full, we still try to put more trash in on tope of what is already flowing out. Pretty soon, the garbage that we carry is reaching to others, affecting them, too! It seems too much to handle, that there is nothing we cn do. And that's true. We cannot do anything to fix our problems, at least not alone.

Then, one day, the trusty garbage collector shows up with his gigantic truck. He has come to empty the trash compactor of all its contents, all its trash. And when he finishes the job, the trash compactor is like new again. We, too, have a garbage collector. His name is Jesus. If we just trust him, He will come and take all of our "trash" away. He'll make us new creatures. However, unlike the trash compactor, our purpose is not to fill ourselves up with trash again. Insteaad, we are to allow ourselves to be filled with the power and presence of God through the Holy Spirit, so that good, positive, and edifying words and thoughts will flow from us, rather than the garbage of the world. We must remember, though, that we are not perfect, and because of this fact we will sometimes be consumed by the "trash" again. But we can always trust Jesus, our garbage collector, to come at any time we are willing and empty the bad things and replace them with his goodness and mercy. Also, we must let this goodness and the love of Jesus flow deeper and wider than the trash ever did, so that others may know of the joy and the peace we have found!

Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

No matter where your opinions fall politically, today is a day of uncertainty for our nation. We sang the song below in church on Sunday morning, and the Holy Spirit brought these words to my mind this morning as I awoke, reminding me that no matter what the outcome of the uncertainty, my hope rests in one place and one place only, our Savior Jesus Christ. I choose to reflect on these words throughout the day.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon his promise
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord"
Jesus, Jesus how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus! O for grace to trust him more!

I'm so glad I learned to trust him
Precious Jesus, Savior, friend
And I know that he is with me
Will be with me to the end!
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus! O for grace to trust him more!

Written by Louisa M.R. Stead

And from God's word, Isaiah 43:10-14
Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed, when there was no strange god among you; and you are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and I am God. Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?

Strength for the Next Step

This is not really blog worthy, but it's a lesson I want to remember, so I'm blogging about it to capture the moment. I woke up this morning overwhelmed. I had been unable to sleep, and I knew I had a very long and busy day ahead of me. Just to give a glimpse, I was at work by 7 AM, worked all day, non-stop, left work at 5:00 to head to a Christmas in Action Board Meeting, left the board meeting to go shopping for an event at work two days from now, returned to work at 8 PM to meet the DJ and finish preparing for the Homecoming Dance, worked straight through the dance, cleaned up, cleaned my office, hung signs for tomorrow, and now it is 1 AM, and I am finally home! An 18 hour, non-stop day! No wonder I was overwhelmed!!!

I've really been trying to handle my stress better of late, and trying to view things as steps of a larger process is one way I'm doing that. Mike keeps telling me this all the time, but it's difficult when you are juggling multiple steps of multiple processes at the same time. I'm so glad God gave women the gift of multi-tasking! This morning, when the sense of overwhelming began to overtake me, I stopped and remembered to take it all in smaller steps. I first asked God to give me strength to make it through the day. I also remembered what we talked about last night in OT class, how God wanted to teach the Israelites that He would provide for their daily needs, that they could trust him to provide for their daily needs. That lesson was quite transferable to my situation. So, I changed my prayer from asking for strength for the end of the day to asking for strength for the next step.

And now, as I am home and preparing for bed, I choose to take a moment and reflect on the day. God answered my prayer. He truly gave me strength for the next step. And for that I am truly thankful. I serve an awesome God who knows and cares for my every need. Praise the Lord!

AIG: Who's To Blame?

Last night, I tuned into the news for the first time to find out what was really going on with the US Investment crisis. On Fox News, Sheppard Smith explained the reason for the fallout in one of the most consise ways I've seen thus far. I tried to find a screencap of that to post here, but it's 3:45 am, and I don't have the energy to really search right now. He showed a pyramid, that explained how the crisis begins, from the bottom with the housing lenders, all the way up to the top to the investors and AIG insuring the investors money.

The one thing that stuck out, though, was that everyone is looking for someone to blame. Some blame AIG. Some blame the Republicans. Some blame the Democrats. Some blame the government as a whole. Some blame the insurance regulators. I'm sure somewhere someone blames the stars not lining up correctly. The truth of the matter is, though, the blame lies with each one of us!

The blame lies with all of us that have perpetuated the myth of the new definition of the American Dream: that you can whatever you want, no matter the cost to you or anyone else. We apply this to material things, relationships, business, safety, security, peace, etc. It doesn't matter if you can't afford what you want or if it belongs to someone else. Just go get it. That's what America is all about. We have become a society of greed and selfishness. We have allowed our desire to "have it all" to cloud our judgment of what we can truly afford and more importantly, what we truly need.

I'm guilty of this myself. The computer I'm typing on right now, did I calculate the total cost, stop and seriously review my monthly expenses and spending habits, save money for a few months? No! I went to the store, found what I wanted, decided in a matter of minutes what I would give up monthly to be able to make the payments, and I went home with a new computer. All in the matter of a couple of hours! I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right then! Did I necessarily need a computer? No...but it sure has come in handy and has made my life easier (until it crashed this past spring and I lost almost everything...then I realized how trivial everything was)! The advantage I had was I that I have parents who raised me with a great deal of fiscal responsibility. I understood that paying the minimum monthly payment on said computer would just end up costing me more, so instead of paying a monthly minimum, I payed a monthly maximum (all that I could afford) until the computer was paid off over a year before the original date! I'm doing the same with my car. However, I don't always do this, and I'm starting to realize that even the little things (such as eating out, trips to Wal-Mart, etc.) should be considered with such care.

It's when we spend what we don't have because of simple human greed that we find ourselves in financial trouble. I do not intend to address in this blog whether or not the government should have bailed AIG out. I will leave that for the professionals and the media. My point is simply this: we all hold some responsibility for this crisis. We should all stand up and take responsibility for this crisis by looking at our spending habits, making wise decisions when it comes to purchasing "the necessities," reevaluating our material needs. We need to teach our children to talk about these things with their potential spouse before they enter into a marriage relationship. We need to teach our children what it means to be fiscally responsible, by example and daily teachable moments. We need to remember what the American dream really meant all of those years ago: with hard work and dedication, you can accomplish great things.

Most importantly, though, we need to remember that all of our wealth, physical and spiritual, comes from one place: God! He has provided us with everything that we have and has promised to provide us with everything we need.

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30

It is only when we realize that ALL of our resources come from God alone that we can truly be good stewards of those things. We need to be an example for those around to us to be satisfied with what we have been so richly given, to find contentment, not in material things, but in our God.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

So I accept the blame! I accept the responsibility that comes with accepting the blame. I want to live my life in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I want to use the resources I've been given to make an eternal difference. Perhaps that is the most important question we should ask before spending money. What kind of eternal difference will this purchase make? I think its time that we Christians in America humble ourselves before God and earnestly pray, seeking healing for our land.

Free

Tonight, I spent the evening at the local jail. No, not as an inmate. I was there to post bond for someone and pick them up upon their release. What I thought was going to be a quick process lasted over 3 hours! While I hated just about every minute of those three hours, now that I'm home safe and snug in my bathrobe, I am thankful for those three hours, for it was in those three hours that my precious Lord and Savior so lovingly reminded me of his wonderful, marvelous grace.

I had many new experiences tonight. I felt like an outsider in a strange world, one that I thought was reserved for Jerry Springer or Maury Povich. I don't think I truly believed people live like that, but after tonight, I'm pretty sure they do. This new reality was just that, a reality. I heard stories of people who make it a part of their weekly schedule to go visit a friend or family member at the jail. They are like members of an extended family. They know one another. They know their stories. They care for one another. They talked about impending release dates like I talk about upcoming vacation. I was not a part of their world. I witnessed people coming in to leave money for inmates, so they could enjoy an extra honeybun this week...okay it's probably money for cigarettes, but the honeybun sounds better, so I choose to believe that! I sat next to a woman who was visiting her husband, while she had also been in jail in the previous year. I sat next to another woman who was visiting her boyfriend who got her arrested because he was doing drugs at her house. She spoke of her child and how she didn't know who was going to be raising the baby since both of she and her boyfriend had been arrested. I'm pretty sure two ladies of the night came in to visit their pimps, but maybe not.

I was okay until about 9 pm, but that's when things started getting crazy. The emotion of it all began to get to me, but luckily the person I was there to pick up was finally released before I made a complete fool of my overly emotional self! When I got home, I wanted to do one thing. I wanted to take a shower and wash all of the jail funk off of me. I just felt dirty. I felt like I had been forced inside of one of those snow globes and couldn't get out, but instead of a pretty snowy scene it was an ugly, drab and gray one. Very sad. And now that I was on the outside, I wanted to wash off every remembrance of that place. So, I got in the shower. And in the shower, God taught me the lesson. I knew it was coming. I could feel it. Sitting in the lobby at the jail, I couldn't help but look for the bigger picture, the lesson that God was trying to show me, but it wasn't until I was able to step out of the situation that I realized what it was.

You see, all of us, before we know Christ as our Savior, are like those prisoners. We are bound by our sin. Nothing we can do can get us out. Sure, people can give us money to help us survive the bondage, they can visit to make it feel better for a small amount of time, but at the end of the day, the chains are still there. (I sang My Chains Are Gone tonight in my heart as I waited. It had such a new meaning sitting at the jail.) But, when Christ comes into our hearts, when we believe in Him and truly accept Him as our Lord and Savior, the bondage is over. We are released. We are FREE!

I found myself looking down on those people living in that alternate reality tonight. I thought I was better than them. I still can't fathom that life, but God reminded me that before Him, I was nothing. I was just like those people. And the only thing that saves me is His grace. The only thing that changes that is His grace and grace alone! I stood in the shower and sang, through my tears, a song from many years ago by Steven Curtis Chapman. The words are:

I am free, I have been forgiven
God's love has taken off these chains and given me these wings
I'm free, yeah, and the freedom I've been given
Is something that not even death can take away from me

As I was singing, I thought of my need to take the shower in the first place. I wanted to wash away any evidence of the jail. I thought to myself, what a beautiful picture of baptism, the symbolic washing and cleansing of our sin. I began to question, though, do I have the same sense of urgency to wash myself of my sin on a daily basis. To get rid of the funk. To get rid of any evidence of the bondage. I don't. But I think that's what God wants us to want. To be so disgusted by our sin that our greatest desire is to let him wash us clean. To not be able to live with the sin in our lives. To truly feel free!

I was reminded tonight that freedom is a precious gift. Spiritual freedom is a priceless gift. It is a gift that we can never earn and something we can never be good enough to keep. It is a gift that we must accept from one who gave all even though we deserve nothing. I am so thankful for my God. There is no greater description of Him tonight than this:

I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness;
I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations,
to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
from the prison those who sit in darkness.
I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other.
Isaiah 42:6-8a

In Awe

I am finding it hard to remember a time when I have been in such awe of my God! I'm sure there has been, but over the past weeks, God has revealed himself to me in ways that I just can't even fathom. Just a few moments ago, I was playing a song on the piano by Jill Phillips called The Day is Dawning, and one line of the song spoke to me like it never has before. The song is a prayer that begs "Lord set me in my place." I've always understood/interpreted that line to be a positive thing, like "Lord set me in the place that you want me. Help me find direction." But tonight, I understood the request in a different way. More of a "Lord, put me in my place." You see, we all need to be put in our place from time to time. It's good for all of us to remember that we are not in control and that the world does not revolve around our momentary or long-range wants or needs! And I don't think I've ever been brave enough to ask God to put me in my place, but He did it without my asking today!

This morning, in my time with God, I was reading from 1 Chronicles 28. This is the passage where King David gathers the people of Israel together to tell them that he had made the decision to build a temple for God, a place to house the ark of the covenant of the Lord. He made the plans. He went about preparing for this massive project. But then God told David that He was not the one to build the temple. God had that task reserved for David's son, Solomon. As I read this passage this morning, I couldn't help but feel that this was not a haphazard or random choice of scripture reading. I knew that this had relevance in my life and in what God is teaching me right now, but I didn't quite understand. I felt like that nine year old child again, trying to look through the opaque glass window of the preacher's office door at church. I could see that something was in there, but because of the distortion of the glass, I couldn't quite make it out! In the scripture this morning, I could see the truth, but I couldn't fully understand how to apply it.

One of the passages that stood out so prominently this morning were vs. 9 and 10. "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work." Wholehearted devotion and a WILLING mind!

It didn't take long for God to show me why this scripture was so important. I guess I should have expected it, but I didn't. With all of the ways that God has shown himself to me in the last few days and all of the wonderful things he's taught me, I should have known that Satan wasn't happy and that spiritual warfare was right around the corner. It happened first almost the minute I got to work. I let doubts creep in. I gave more power to a circumstance than I acknowledged to God. 1st cry! Not sobbing, just subtle tears.

Then, about 10:45, I got a phone call from the minister of music at church. Christopher was calling to tell me that the church staff had made the decision to do a Christmas children's choir production. Never mind that it had already been approved to do a "fall" themed production in late November in an effort to ease some of the stress and scheduling conflicts of the holiday season. Never mind that I had written and compiled the musical already. Never mind that we had already set a date and that I had planned my life and my holiday schedule around that date. Never mind that the people this affects were not a part of the decision making process. Never mind that it was scheduled for the next to the last weekend in November and that's really only 2 weeks before the Christmas one will take place so does it really make a difference if the parents hear their kids sing Christmas music or non-seasonal music. (I'm really not bitter about this anymore and I'm completely okay with it...I just have to share this part so that you can understand my thought process.) As Christopher was sharing this news and the reasoning for it, the 2nd cry began. I was surprised to have my eyes well up with tears and to feel my voice begin to waiver. Luckily, Christopher likes to talk so I had some time to "deal with" my surprising and pointless emotion before I actually had to speak. I gave our reasoning for wanting to do a musical in November instead of Christmas, but I think I was ultimately accepting. At least I hope I was.

And even though I didn't understand where the emotion was coming from, I did understand that it was not coming from anger that "my production" was not going to be performed this fall. In fact, I don't even think of it as mine. It was so clearly and completely given to me by God, it's really His! I was just the scribe! I even began to see how this could be a good thing, a blessing. We were going to be rushed to get the script finished and the music tracks recorded in such a short time anyway. This would give us more time. It would make my life easier. So why was I still fighting it? Where was this overwhelming emotion for which I seemed to have little or no control coming from? I hung up the phone without an answer to that question, but with the knowledge and acceptance that there would indeed be a Christmas children's musical. I commented to a coworker lightheartedly, "God is changing my plans, and I don't like it! I had everything scheduled perfectly, and God is telling me no."

Cue 3rd cry. This one was basically a series of several small crying moments. I couldn't seem to control myself and I couldn't even figure out why the tears were coming. Okay, so this sounds a lot like depression, but I promise you, it's not that. I didn't even recognize it at the time (because I was trying to pull myself together and clean my face so that I could go to lunch without looking like an emotional basketcase), but this was definitely the Holy Spirit molding and shaping my heart. In fact, I didn't even make the connection until later this evening. I had that "aha" moment when I realized, "Hey, this is pretty much what I read in scripture this morning." I made a plan. I started prepartions for that plan to take place. God intervened! God told me he had other plans. I think my tears were a product of my heart surrendering to God's plan with "wholehearted devotion and a willing mind," just like David instructed Solomon.

Like I said, God put me in my place. He reminded me that He is Sovereign! He is in control. It was painful. It hurt. But, I would much rather be in the place that God wants me or puts me than doing my own thing on my own terms. I think King David also wrote, "Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere (Psalm 84:10)."

So, no matter how painful it may be, I want my prayer to be that God set's me in my place. Sometimes He does that gently. Sometimes He just places His hand in the small of my back and directs me. Sometimes He draws me a road map. Sometimes, like today, He has to pick me up and move me from the place I've created and put me in the place that He's designed for me. I am so thankful I serve a loving God who is willing to do that, no matter how many times it takes!

Give me a chance, I want to change my ways
'Cause I can't live here and look the same
Let me look up, let me look to your face
And set me in my place, O Lord, set me in my place. (--Jill Phillips)