Stand Guard

We were not allowed to stand on it. We were not allowed to sit on the couches around it. I'm surprised we were even allowed to look at it.

The Gator Rug!

You see, in the lobby of my high school auditorium there was this rug. A big beautiful, plush rug with a huge gator on it. The gator was our mascot. And one would have thought that this rug was God's throne. During school hours, if there was a need for anyone to be in the auditorium, there was someone there to guard the rug. We affectionately (or sarcastically) called them the "auditorium ladies." I don't know how you became one, but their main job was to protect the rug at all costs. Everyone knew not to even attempt to get close to the rug if the auditorium lady on duty was around. It was like an unspoken code. I think all students who attended Ware County High School in the late 80s and early 90s have been yelled at for daring to come close to the rug. I admit that sometimes we made it a game. We tried to distract the auditorium ladies long enough for a friend to have the honor of standing on the gator rug. But a tongue lashing was sure to follow as soon as the eyes in the back of their heads opened up!

For community events, though, the rules changed. They still stood guard at the rug, but they allowed people to stand on it, to sit on the couches around it, to admire it. My fellow classmates and I often took joy at attending community events because that meant for a brief moment, we could stand on the rug without being reprimanded. I don't know why they didn't just hang it on the wall. There, the rug would have been protected from the dirt and grime from peoples' shoes. On the wall it could have been admired from afar. On the wall, it would have been safe. I guess they recognzied that the rug had a purpose. In order for it to fulfill it's purpose it needed to be on the ground. So, instead of hanging it out of reach, they hired these ladies to stand guard.

I still laugh about that rug. I wonder if the rug is still there. There is a new high school. That school is now the middle school, and I'm not sure how much the auditorium is used anymore. I wonder if they still hire auditorium ladies. I wonder if they are still standing guard.

Their zeal for that rug, though, is the same zeal we should have for our own hearts and lives. God commands us to guard our hearts in Proverbs 4:23.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

How often do we fail to do this! We do not guard our hearts from bitterness and envy. We do not guard our hearts from lust. We do not guard our hearts from hatred. We do not guard our attitudes. We respond to people out of hurt and anger. We make decisions based on our own wants rather than God's word. We make decisions out of selfishness, with no regard to how it might affect other people. We say and do things because it's our right, right? All the while, we are allowing our hearts to become hardened. We are allowing things to take root in our heart that don't belong there.

We need to be as vigilant with our hearts as those auditorium ladies were with the gator rug. Most of the time, I am careless with my heart. I don't guard it like I should. I allow myself to be distracted by the flashy and enticing things of the world. I allow the dirt and grime of the outside to discolor my heart and make it stained. And when it's dirty, I don't love like I should. I don't serve others like I should. I don't look at others as better than myself as I am commanded by my God.

But like the rug was never hung on the wall because it served a purpose there on the lobby floor, I cannot hide my heart away. Sometimes I think it would be easier that way. Go away to some quiet and solemn place like the monks, removing myself from the world. But I am here to serve a purpose. I'm still discovering God's purpose as my life unfolds, and what an exciting process it is to remove the wrapping paper layer by layer! That purpose will be something great. With God's design, as that purpose unfolds, people will look at it in admiration, not at me or at anything I can do but at the marvelous things my creator God is capable of if I am a willing vessel.

I need to find some auditorium ladies for my heart. I know just where to find them. Their names are bible study, prayer, worship, fasting, tithing, and rest. They come adorned in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. They can help me be vigilant in the task of standing guard around my heart.

Hope

Each week, I listen online to the sermon from a church in Nashville, TN, Crosspoint Church. Currently, the pastor, Pete Wilson, is preaching a series of sermons entitled Hope Now. This sermon series has made me start thinking more about hope. Recently, I changed my ringtone on my phone to the song with the same title by the group, Addison Road. Every time my phone rings, I think about hope. This morning as I was getting dressed, I thought about all of the many ways I use the word hope throughout the day.

I hope it doesn't rain.

I hope this works out.

I hope you can understand.

But those things aren't the hope that I should have. That kind of hope is failing. That kind of hope is measureable. I have a hope that is unfailing and unmeasurable. My hope is in God alone! So, I made a list.

• I don't have to put my hope in coincidence, because I put my hope in the creator of all things.
• I don't have to put my hope in circumstance, because I put my hope in the God of providence.
• I don't have to put my hope in love from another human being, because I put my hope in God's agape love for me as evidenced by Calvary.
• I don't have to put my hope in the stock market, because I put my hope in the giver of all good things.
• I don't have to put my hope in the kindness of others, because I put my hope in my Abba Father.
• I don't have to put my hope in medicine, because I put my hope in my healer, Jehovah Rapha.
• I don't have to put my hope in science, because I put my hope in my omnipotent God and creator.
• I don't have to put my hope in the universe, because I put my hope in an omniscient and omnipresent God.
• I don't have to put my hope in my own abilities, because I put my hope in the Spiritual Gift giver.
• I don't have to put my hope in my own wisdom, because I put my hope in the Holy Spirit.
• I don't have to put my hope in my job or in money, because I put my Hope in the Lord, my Sustainer.

Where does your hope lie?

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
And when the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free!

I

Made to Worship...I Wish We Could Grasp That

In this past Sunday morning's service, we recognized the high school graduates. This is always a bittersweet service for me. I don't know why I am moved to tears at the thought of graduations, but I am. I even cried during the Saved By the Bell high school graduation. (The reasons for that will make a lot more sense if you read my previous post!)

After all of the graduates were recognized, the congregation sang a song. It wasn't anything new. It was a song we sing often: Chris Tomlin's Made to Worship. But it seemed new. Just moments before, Jarrett had reminded those teenagers that God is doing a new thing. He is making us new. He is moving us to new places. He is showing us new things. And He showed me something new through the congregational singing of that song.

He had filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

You and I were made to worship

You and I were called to love

You and I are forgiven and free

When you and I embrace surrender

When you and I choose to believe

You and I will see

Who we were meant to be

It became my prayer of sorts for those graduates. First, I was overwhelmed by the idea that God has purposely filled our hearts with wonder. There are reasons we don't understand things about this world. There are reasons we don't know everything there is to know about God and how He works. And that's okay. God has placed wonder in our hearts so that we will always remember our purpose and our role.

"I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." God's Decree."For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think." Isaiah 55:8-9

Oh, when I think of all the things those students are going to wonder about. What major to choose? What job to take? What class to take? What clubs and organizations on campus to join? What friends to make? Should I go out with my friends the night before exams? Should I go to these places everyone else is going that I know aren't pleasing to God? Should I drink this? Should I smoke that? Should I cheat? Should I copy this from the Internet? Should I respond to this text message? Should I tell that teacher how I really feel? Should I give that campus cop a piece of my mind? Should I go to church this morning? Why did my friend leave? Why did my heart get broken? Where are you God?

So many questions. And the world wants to provide so many wrong answers. The world wants to throw answers in there that will take them down paths of pain and destruction. But God has placed wonder in our hearts so that we may recognize our shortcomings and give Him the glory! So that we may recognize our weaknesses and let Him make us strong. So that we may remember who He is and that we are His children, loved beyond measure, given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift.

The questions aren't bad. The questions are normal. The questions lead to growth! As we got to the chorus of the song, I begin praying with all of my might that these students would remember that we are made to worship and we are called to love. I want them to hold onto that hope! I want them to remember that truth! Oh, if I had remembered that in my own journey, how different it might have been. How many other people might have seen Christ's light through my life if I had remembered that simple truth. Some of those questions might have had different answers for me.

Again, I recognize the validity of the questions. The questions and doubts are healthy things that force us to determine what we believe and why we believe it. The questions and doubts can bring us so much closer to the throne of God. The questions and doubts help us see how God is working in ways that we never imagined. But with the questions and doubts come bad choices, wrong decisions, consequences, pain, sorrow. My initial instinct is to want to save them from all of those things. And I pray that they will be. I pray that God will have His hand on each of them and that the foundation they have built will be like rock, strong and able to withstand the storms of life. I pray that God will sustain them in their times of wonder and remind them of His sovereignty.

And I pray for myself. I pray that I always remember that I am made to worship. I am made to bring Him glory. I am made to lift Him up. And doing these things is a choice. I recently heard someone say, "You don't drift into hope. You choose hope." So today, I choose hope. I choose to always have an answer for the hope that I have. I choose to live my life in such a way that points others to the light of my Savior. I choose to make choices and use words that bring Him glory. I choose to fix my eyes on Him. I choose to recognize that my sovereign God is both the author and perfecter of my faith!

I choose to remember who I'm meant to be!

Saved By the Bell: I Want a Reunion

I love Saved by the Bell. It's one of those shows that I will watch whenever it's on, no matter how many times I have seen the episode. And I've seen them all! I know them all! In detail. I am completely supportive of a SBTB reunion! I know the cast has moved on and probably no longer wants to be associated with the roles, but really, where would they be without SBTB? I see Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding) every year at a conference I go to. He gets paid thousands of dollars to go around and speak on college campuses! Must be nice! So seeing him in the video above, I somehow feel like he's a friend of mine. I know, I know, hanging out at the Atlanta Sheraton for a few days doesn't make you friends, but he's friends with friends of mine...and I talked to him at the late night jam...doesn't that count. Maybe I'm a little overly obsessed with Saved By the Bell. As I think about that statement, I have several reasons to back it up:



1. I can tell you within 30 seconds of the show's start what that episode is about...any episode, any season...well, not the New Class, but the original ones.

2. I own the Saved By the Bell soundtrack, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

3. My friend Melissa and I learned the words and the dance moves to "Get Down and Go For It" by Hot Sundae (the group Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa were in for the episode where Jessie should have gotten an emmy for her lines, "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so...scared.")

4. I still know the words to the song "Get Down and Go For It" and embarrassed my college students and coworkers by singing along with it when it was on TV in the game room a few weeks ago!

5. I almost didn't attend the last football game of the year my Junior year of high school because that was the night the movie, "Saved By the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas" came on. I threatened the life of anyone in my family who messed up the recording of it! That VHS tape is still at my parent's house somewhere.

6. I have the Saved By the Bell game. Actually, it belongs to my friend Joni, but she let me borrow it and I've never given it back. I don't play it, though. I promise.

7. I have a t-shirt that says "Mr. Belding is my Homeboy." Dennis gave it to me several years ago at the conference. Notice that here in my blog he and I are on a first name basis!

8. I know that Scott Wolf, Tori Spelling, and Leah Remini all had supporting roles on Saved By the Bell prior to their stardom on other shows. Scott Wolf was in the background (he did some "good" acting singing in the glee club!). Tori Spelling played Violet Biggerstaff, Screech's girlfriend. Leah Remini played Stacey Corosi, Zach's girlfriend the summer the gang worked at the Malibu Sands Beach club.

9. I can sing the senior class song from start to finish. "The football games, the Max, and the romances..."

10. I often wonder what happened to Leanna Creel. She's the actress who played Tori in those last few episodes of their senior year when Tiffani Amber-Theisan and Elizabeth Berkley bailed on the rest of the cast. My question would be, should she be invited to be a part of the reunion? Hmm...I'll have to think on that one for a while. And the sad thing is...I probably will!

11. Other characters that it would be fun to hear from (but this would make a reunion show last forever, hey, what's the harm in that?)

• Maxwell (the nerd with the dog that Jessie had to kiss)
• The twin girls who were never given names but were in most episodes
• Mrs. Belding (only in one episode, but she was the woman behind THE man)
• Zach's mom and dad
• Miss Bliss and Milo from the Jr. High days
• Max
• James, the waiter at The Max who was an actor
• Jessie's brother, Eric
• Terrible Testaverti (the teacher who talked so fast and also did those Micromachine commercials)
• Mr. Tuttle
• Sylvester
• Ox
• Moose
• Louise
• Leon Carosi
• Christie...the girl wrestler
• Slater's sister
• Slater's father
• Miss Simpson
• Mr. Dewey
• Jeff (the guy Kelly dumped Zach for right before the big dance)
• Mr. Belding's brother, Rod
• Lisa's parents (they deserve it...they got their car wrecked for it!)
• Casey Kasem (he was in at least two episodes...Zach Attack anyone???)

Wow! I have lots of useless information running around in my head. So, if you like Saved By the Bell as much as I do...okay, probably not possible, so if you like it even a little bit...head on over to Jimmy Falon's show page and sign the petition to have the cast back together for a reunion. We all need to remember Saturday mornings of bad acting, predictable writing, horrible cliches and stereotypes, over zealous anti anything bad messages, and memorable fun, right?

Anticipation

I had an x-ray hip injection today. It sounds worse than it is! In fact, when the doctor walked in the first thing he said to me was, "The worst part is over. The anticipation." In this case, it was true! The anticipation of the procedure was much worse than the procedure itself. It didn't help that they told me things prior to the appointment like...you'll need a driver, you'll need to take the day off work. Neither of those things was true, and I am thankful for that. I'm thankful that the shot didn't really hurt all that badly. I'm thankful that the x-ray techs were so much fun and made me laugh the whole time!

As I thought about the doctor's comment, though, I was struck by the idea of anticipation. We anticipate a lot of things! Good and bad. We anticipate Christmas. We anticipate summer. We anticipate lunch! We anticipate a diagnosis. We anticipate fear. We anticipate sadness.

As a Christian, I anticipate what everlasting life in heaven will be like. And I am so thankful that God works in such as way that both the anticipation and the reality will be more than we ever imagined! John 10:10 says, "I have come that they might have life and have it to the full." That's talking about life in the here and now. When we choose to follow Christ and to live our lives by His standard, we can experience this abundant life. We can have abundant life while anticipating everlasting life. The New Testament describes heaven as a place with no more pain and no more sorrow, a place radiating God's glory! With Christ, both the anticipation and the reward are worth it. There isn't a worst part!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Thank you my Jesus for the gift of anticipation!

Let Me Hold You Longer

When the Holy Spirit has His hands on something, there is power! That's what happened with this song.

So, here it is. This is by no means a professional video. I usually have a strict rule about watching myself on video...or even allowing myself to be videotaped. I'm completely against it! But since I couldn't spend Mother's Day with my mom today, I wanted her to be able to hear the song, so I suspended the rule for the day.

***Side note - We mean no copyright infringment on Karen Kingsbury's book, Let Me Hold You Longer. We simply used it for inspiration. A good deal of the lyrics of this song belong to her, and we are more than happy to give her the credit! Karen, if you ever read this...I hope you approve!***

Rose Petals

I am not a gardener. In fact, I have a brown thumb. I get it honestly...a gene straight from my mother. My sister got my father's green thumb. So she and my father would probably have never embarked on the flower petal adventure I'm about to describe. They would have known better.

But despite my brown thumb, I have a rose bush in my front yard that has done incredibly well this spring. It constantly has beautiful roses on it. I can take no credit for it, as I do nothing to make it grow. Yesterday, I was in the front yard enjoying my beautiful flowers and relishing in their wonderful fragrance. I picked up a few rose petals off the ground. They still smelled so good. I thought to myself...if I collect some of these and put them in a bowl in my kitchen, the kitchen will smell like roses! Boy was I wrong. No wonderful scent came from the rose petals. They just withered. They changed from something beautiful to something brown and dead.

I realized that apart from their source the rose petals lose their beauty, their fragrance, and their purpose. They change from something beautiful that brings great joy to something ugly that must be thrown away. Apart from the rose bush, the rose petals die.

Just like people. Apart from our source, God, we wither, we lose our beauty, we lose our fragrance, we have no purpose. Eventually we will die. This is what Jesus was talking about when he said,

"I am the vine. You are the branches. If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Nothing...apart from Him I can do nothing! Why is it so hard for me to remember that? Why do I go through a whole week failing to pick up the Word of God to study it? Why do I go through a whole week failing to memorize and meditate on Scripture? Why do I make choices that drive me further apart from Him? Why do I put things into my body and mind that push me further away? God promises in His word that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. (James 4:8).

Why do I spend so much of my time trying to be apart from Him then? Why do I insist on trying to gather my life as rose petals in that bowl on my kitchen counter? Why am I not fighting to stay connected to the vine?????

I want to be fragrant. I want to be beautiful. I want to be connected to the vine! That is my prayer. That is my earnest plea.

Still?

I had lunch with a friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a long time. During the course of the conversation she asked "the" question..."So, are you dating anyone?" When I shook my head no her response was "Still?" I hate getting that response. It's almost worse than the question. It feels as if the person is saying, "What's wrong with you?" I know she wasn't but the worst thing is, she put into words how I truly feel.

"Still?" It's a question I've posed to God for many years.

This blog post will have no real answers or conclusions. It's just a series of questions all wrapped up in that one question. I feel some weird obligation to always have an answer or complete my thoughts in these posts, but not today. Because I don't have an answer, just questions. And that's okay!

So, Question #1: Has God ordained for me to be single all my life?
If He has, then I accept it wholeheartedly. After all, there could be worse options. I could have other burdens. I could have other, much harder struggles. I know that God knows best and has a plan for me, but if I am really honest, I don't want to be single. I want to be married. I want to come home to someone every night. I want to fit in with all of my married friends. I thought the need to "fit in" would end with high school, but it doesn't. It's painful to be invited to go out to eat with friends who are married with children. I usually decline, even if I want to go, even if I don't have anything else to do, because avoiding the situation somehow seems better than not fitting in. Ugh! I want to share my hopes and dreams with someone. I want to take care of someone. I want someone to go to movies with, to do projects around the house with, to worship with, to pray with, to serve God with. I want someone to hold me when I'm hurting. I want to take care of someone when he's sick. I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick. I want someone to hold my hand as I get that shot in my hip next week! I want to have sex. Yes, I said it. I believe God's plan for sex is only within marriage, so I am a 31 year old virgin. I don't want to be that for the rest of my life! But I don't want to compromise and leave the path God designed either. I want someone to go to weddings with. I want to have a wedding of my own. I want children. I want someone standing by me if I have to bury my parents. I want to love someone so much it hurts. Well, I've done that, but I want it to last forever!

I've shared with several people over the past few months that my decision to end my last relationship, the one I thought was going to be forever, was the easiest and hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I had to come to a point that I wanted what God wants for my life more than I want what I want. And I still stand by that. So no matter how much I want all of those things I just listed, I want what God wants more. But I keep coming back to that question, "Still?"

Question #2: Does a man even exists that could ever meet my desires and expectations?
I've had men tell me that I am intimidating. I don't get it. I am independent. I'm confident in who I am. I'm successful. Aren't those good things? Isn't that what people strive to teach their children to be? How does that translate into intimidating? Sometimes I fear that my expectations are too high, but I don't really believe that...or maybe I don't want to believe that. I just want a man who loves God more than he loves me. I want a man who will encourage me to grow in my relationship with Christ. I want a man I can submit to. I want a man who will be the spiritual leader of the home, who will encourage me with the word of God, someone with whom I can share what God is teaching me, someone with whom I can serve and minister. I want a man who understands, encourages, and shares my passion for Christ. This makes me sound like some conceited spiritual giant. That's not me at all. I just don't want to compromise and settle for spiritual mediocrity. But does this man even exist?

Question #3: What do I do now?
If I keep coming back to, "Still?" am I doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? My parents think I should look for another job and move on. They keep asking me if I'm sure I'm being open to God's leading. I've questioned that myself, but there is no indication that I'm to move on...at least not yet. Does God have an area of ministry for me that I've yet to discover or explore? Is that something I can do more effectively as a single than as part of a couple? Is God just still preparing someone for me and me for someone? Am I living on the world's timetable instead of God's? Am I holding on to the past, refusing to let go, therefore, refusing to move forward?

Questions...Still?

KABOOM!!!

I just don't understand something. Why does Billy Mays have to advertise everything on TV? And why does he have to yell? Why can't he sell things using a nice calm voice? There's nothing worse than taking a Sunday afternoon nap, just falling asleep, and to be awoken by his voice yelling Kaboom! Do people really buy that stuff off TV? At the store maybe...but who really calls the 1-800 number? And this morning I realized he also advertises ESPN 360. Why must everyone hire this man to sell their product? He should be banned from television or there should at least be a regulation on the volume of his commercials. He can't talk without yelling, so they should automatically lower the volume overall. Can you imagine what it's like at his house over the dinner table? Or when he gets mad at his kids or grandkids? They must keep a good supply of ear plugs at their house! I hope they bought some stock in Miracle Ear or something. Maybe that's what he should advertise. The people who need it would actually be able to hear him! I am willing to start the campaign to ban Billy Mays from TV! Who wants to join me?