Too many times I want answers instead of trust.
Too many times I want solutions instead of hope.
Last week during a staff development retreat, we completed the Strength Finders inventory. My top strength was Strategic. It is described in this way:
"People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. Because of your strengths, you have a knack for identifying problems. You spontaneously generate alternatives for solving them. You probably consider the pros and cons of each option. You often factor into your thinking prevailing circumstances and available resources. You feel life is good when you sense you are choosing the best course of action. By nature, you occasionally marvel at your ability to vividly express your thoughts and feelings. It’s very likely that you usually feel satisfied with life when your innovative thinking style is appreciated. You automatically pinpoint trends, notice problems, or identify opportunities many people overlook. Armed with this knowledge, you usually devise alternative courses of action. By evaluating the circumstances, available resources, and/or the potential consequences of each plan, you can select the best option."
While this strength may help me be successful in my job, it is often a hindrance in my faith walk. I am so focused on solving problems and finding alternative ways to do so, I often fail to simply put my faith in my Heavenly Father. I don't want to live this way. I want to have faith to move mountains. I want to have hope to find freedom.
So I am praying now, admittedly begrudgingly so, that God will give my faith a workout. That He will teach me in the midst of my brokenness to put my trust in Him. That He will remind me daily that His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are better.
One of my former students was recently in a tragic car accident, and he and his brother are both in two different hospitals in Montana. Jeremy was actually considered a casualty at the scene of the accident, but he is still holding on, clinging to life. Another brother, Trav, has chronicled their family's faith journey via a Caringbridge site. He made this entry a few days ago:
"Our "Americanism" of instant fixes and immediate gratification along with always finding a way to numb the pain or tune it out has been rocked! I've been humbled so far realizing that I should be living in the tension of faith daily no matter what the circumstances. I should not be what I have often been and that is being a stranger who vacations there when despair forces me to. "
Maybe that's what God is teaching me in the circumstances of my life right now. The importance of living in the tension of faith daily. The importance of clinging to God for direction and guidance for the next step. The importance of trusting in God's provision. I don't want to be that stranger on vacation in the realm of my faith. I want to make my home there. I want to put down roots. I want those roots to grow strong! I want every word and every deed to be an expression of my faith in a holy God! I want to take off the mask that I so often wear, both the good and the bad parts, although lately, the bad has been outweighing the good so maybe getting rid of the mask isn't such a bad idea.
This morning, as I was getting dressed, I put in an old Andrew Peterson CD and listened to an old favorite...in fact, I put it on repeat for the entire morning. These words are my prayer today:
Give us faith to be strong
Father, we are so weak
Our bodies are fragile and weary
As we stagger and stumble to walk where you lead
Give us faith to be strong
Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong
Give us peace when we're torn
Mend us up when we break
This flesh can be wounded and shaking
When there's much too much trouble for one heart to take
Give us peace when we're torn
Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong
Give us hearts to find hope
Father, we cannot see
How the sorrow we feel can bring freedom
And as hard as we try, Lord, it's hard to believe
So, give us hearts to find hope
Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong
Give us peace when we're torn
Give us faith, faith to be strong
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