"Give it all" from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

One of my new favorite songs I think! I guess it was worth putting up with Daniel's antics in those two weddings I directed where he was the best man...if he can write stuff like this!

Daddy, You're Going to Have to Drive Me Home!

It was a dark and stormy night. No, really, it was! This past Wednesday was very dark and stormy. It started just as choir rehearsal ended. As my fellow choir members and I walked out of the choir room, down the hallway, and neared the door, it started raining harder. The thunder got louder. The wind picked up tremendously. The lightening started. We were all stopped in our tracks.

As we individually paused to determine our next move, I noticed 16 year old Logan standing next to me. Her eyes were growing wider with each second. For a moment, I was transported back to my own experience as a 16 year old girl, realizing the fear of having to drive home in the middle of a storm. She was frozen. I could tell she didn't want to be there. I could tell she just wished she was already at home. Her dad happened to be standing there as well. She turned to him, and in a frantic voice stated, "Daddy, you're going to have to drive us home!" I empathized with her at that moment. I knew exactly how she felt, but I didn't realize the importance of her statement until about 10 minutes later in the middle of my own drive home in the pouring rain!

It was like i had a "Kramer" moment. As I thought about her statement, the Holy Spirit hit me over the head with some truth. Okay, I don't know if that's really an appropriate descriptor for how the Holy Spirit works, so maybe I should say He opened my eyes.

Logan's response is the one God wants us to have when we face rainy days and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. "Daddy, Abba, you're going to have to drive me home!" And it was truly a statement. It wasn't a question. It wasn't a request. It was a statement of trust and a cry for help to one she knew would not fail her. Too often, I trust my own abilities more than I trust God. Many times, this leads me to more rain, bigger storms, and darker skies. Instead of letting "Jesus take the wheel," I convince myself that I can do it. I try everything I can to fix it on my own. I try to use logic. I try to use common sense or past experience. I try to use my own intelligence. But those things will always fail me. God, on the other hand, never will! If we come to Him, seeking Him, our Savior will NEVER forsake us. He will always drive us home. He will always bring us safely through the storm, even if He chooses not to calm the storm around us.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. Psalm 9:9-11

I really think this is what God is trying to teach me right now. I'm learning each day what true obedience really is. I'm learning what it means to trust God for the next step. Not in a survival type of situation, but in they way that I am trying to live my life according to God's standard. My basic needs have been provided. Okay...most of my wants have been provided, too. This is not about human survival, but it is about spiritual endurance. I want more than anything to learn about obedience, to live obediently, to trust God completely.

I am so thankful I have a refuge, a stronghold, a Lord that will not forsake. May He alone receive the glory. May my cry, my earnest plea in times of trouble always be, "Daddy, you have to drive me home!"

A Fight Against Bitterness

I'm really struggling right now against bitterness. I don't want to have this struggle. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to admit that I'm struggling. I follow Vicki Courtney's blog, Virtue Alert, and she recently made a post about being gloomy. It wasn't some kind of Biblical teaching or spiritual revelation. It was simply her being transparent and honest about her struggles. I found a lot of freedom in that. There are so many times that I feel like I can't show my weaknesses. I feel like a fraud when I do. I feel like a failure. I don't really want people to see that side of me. But maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe people do need to see that I struggle...that I'm in no way near perfect...that I sin...that I don't always have the answers.

I am so afraid to let people see that I am not perfect, even though I really have no problem admitting that to myself or to God. Why is this? Why am I so afraid?

So, back to the whole bitterness thing. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I thought I had put it behind me. I thought I had let it go, but I can feel these moments of bitterness keep popping up in the middle of my day. A thought here and there. A complaint about my situation to a third party. A whole thought process so that I can justify my hurt.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BITTER!!!!

So, I went to God's word. In the New Testament, talk of bitterness usually proceeds or follows talk of forgiveness or humility.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. James 3:13-15

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:30-32

I am grieving the Holy Spirit. I will sheepishly admit that I boasted of my bitterness today. If I am not careful, if I do not let go of this, I will allow that bitter root to grow up and will fail to be holy.

Charles Stanley writes, "We have two choices: We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the people He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances as tools God uses to further develop our spiritual lives. "

I choose today to let go of my bitterness. I surrender it to the Lord. I don't want it to destroy me, to destroy my relationships, to be a stumbling block to others. I want God to use this circumstance to mold me into the person He wants me to be. I don't understand it. I sometimes feel like I have a right to be bitter, but if I am truly going to use God's word as the standard for my life, I must do as I am commanded and "get rid" of it! I must be kind and compassionate. I must forgive. I must do this because this is what God did for me and what He is doing for me even now.

Most Beautiful Master, please take this bitterness from my heart. Take my every thought captive. Help me to always remember your truth and your commands. Help me to remember that I can forgive only because I have been forgiven. Even though I feel wronged, I was wrong, too. Even ithough I feel hurt, I hurt someone else, too. Even though I feel justified in my bitterness from time to time, I must instead remember that Christ justified me to God through his forgiveness and grace! I don't deserve anything of the sort, but while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. Give me a desire to be rid of it! Give me a desire to love you! Give me a desire to not grieve your Spirit but to walk in the Spirit. Amen.

Jars of Clay

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10.

I struggle from time to time understanding this Scripture. The whole treasures in jars of clay imagery is often a mystery to me. It seems that I only understand it in light of a personal struggle. And I’m in the midst of that right now. I believe this is a time of crushing in my life. This is an instance that God is choosing to crush me, not for myself, but so that His glory may shine. That is what I want more than anything when it all comes down to it. I want to glorify my Heavenly Father. The scripture says we are not crushed, just afflicted. But I pretty much feel crushed. No other word for it right now! I am perplexed. How can my obedience to God be right when it causes someone else so much pain? I really am at peace with my decision, but it hurts to know that my obedience is hurting someone else. I am perplexed at this. I don’t understand this about my God, but I know that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine, so as Paul says, I am not driven to despair. I am persecuted. It hurts, but I know that God has not forsaken me. A good friend reminded me yesterday that there is no instance from Scripture where God has turned his back on a servant who chose to follow Him. I know that God will not forsake me. I’m trying to hold on to that hope. I feel struck down. I feel struck down mentally, physically, and emotionally, but spiritually, I know that I am not destroyed! I know that the jar of clay represents God being able to use us and mold us and even to seep through the parts where we are broken. I pray that God will use my brokenness to remind me of His glory, His love, and His comfort. I pray that through my brokenness, His glory may be revealed to this one that is hurting. I don’t know how that is going to happen, but I know that God is God and acts in everything to display His glory. I am trusting in this now. God use my brokenness, my perplexity, my persecution, my struck downness (I know that’s not really a word, but hey!) for your glory!

In the Middle of the Middle of Your Day

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

This spring in Children's Choir, we are trying to teach them songs that come straight from Scripture as a way to help them understand the importance of memorizing scripture and helping them memorize about 15 passages along the way. Mark 12:30 is one of those passages. The song is "Love the Lord" by Lincoln Brewster. As we teach a song and a scripture verse, we spend a great deal of time talking about what that verse means. This verse always reminds me of Camp Crestridge, the summer camp I attended as a child and teenager. The heart of the camp is Council of Progress. During this solemn ceremony each week, a staff member presents the girls with a challenge from one of the four areas of the Council of Progress: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. I am always reminded of this verse when I think back to all of the challenges I received growing up through Council of Progress. Each area is addressed in this verse that tells us how we are to love our Lord God! Physically, with all your strength. Mentally, with all your mind. Spiritually, with all your soul. Emotionally, with all your heart! This is a high calling and probably the reason why Jesus calls in the greatest commandment. If we can love God with all of our beings, in every way, in every step, we can truly have fellowship with Him and out of that love comes the second commandment, love your neighbor as yourself. We will never be able to love our neighbors as God designed until we understand what it means to love God is this way.

I was trying to determine the best way to help the children in my choir to remember the Scripture reference. I asked them what the middle hour of the day is. Of course their answer, 12 o'clock. Then I asked what is the middle of the middle hour. Some of them got that one, 12:30. I said, "You can remember this reference if you think about the middle of the middle." But it wasn't until a couple of days that the Holy Spirit hit me over the head with this as it applied to my own life.

How many times do we say, "I'm in the middle of something. I can't do that right now." I say that quite a bit. To my students, to my family, to my friends, to my coworkers. And to God. I use that as an excuse with my Heavenly Father so often. "I can't right now God. I'm in the middle of something. I'll come back to that later." And I realized that sometimes I show my love for God with the same attitude. The Holy Spirit spoke to me this week, showing me that God wants me to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, at all times. Even in the middle of the middle of my day!

I feel like I'm right back as a child in that chapel at Camp Crestridge receiving a challenge during the Council of Progress. This time, the challenge comes from my Lord. My prayer is that God will transform me so that I can love him as I should at all times, even in the middle of the middle of my day.

Did Anything Exciting Happen?

About an hour ago Mike asked me the question, "So, did anything exciting happen at church tonight?" My answer...No. What in the world kind of an answer is that? I just spent three hours somewhere freely and openly worshiping and praising my Lord and Savior, but when someone asks if anything exciting happened I say no???? What a slap in the face to my God! What a slap in the face to the millions of Christians around the world who cannot worship God openly and freely. What a horrible example I gave to someone who is seeking. It may have just been a normal night at church, but some pretty exciting things happened. So...in an attempt to seek forgiveness from my Heavenly Father for my hurtful and completely incorrect statement, AND, to give God the glory that He is due...here is a list of exciting things that happened tonight at church:

• I had the privilege of teaching children about the greatest commandment...Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. (Looks like I still need some teaching on that myself!
• I got to share with children what it means that the Spirit is water for my soul. (Lord, how I thirst for you!)
• Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10-11
• What an awesome time of worship we had tonight: Standing on the Solid Rock, Higher Ground, Made to Worship, The Potter's Hand, Fairest Lord Jesus, Have Thine Own Way Lord
• I sensed a renewed call from God to remain persistent, be patient, and trust Him in the waiting, even though I really don't understand.
• Sermon tonight...Don't worry. We've elevated worry to a virtue. Jesus commands us NOT to worry!
• Ways to prevent worry: 1) Give God your firsts...Seek Him first in all things. & 2) Give God your future.
• I got to laugh when the offertory, while beautiful, sounded like music from Super Mario Brothers!
• The joy of the Lord: Robert's water, Forgetting to move out of his way...oh the laughter with my friend Jeff!
• Praise God for the ability to sing praises to His name...even when I'm coughing like I am!
• Praise God for friends and a church family.
• Praise God for opportunities to serve Him and teach others about Him.

And that's just from last night! That doesn't include all that God taught me and showed me through Sunday School and morning worship. How could I have been so wrong? How can I just sit back and say nothing exciting happened. I worshiped! I learned! I listened to the Holy Spirit! I saw Jesus at work!

God, give me a new Spirit. Forgive me for taking you and your Word and your Church for granted. Restore my soul. Remind me of your faithfulness, a loving kindness that is new every morning. May my one aim always be to show your glory to those all around me. May I be excited about what you are doing in my life and in the world around me. Help me to see you at work. Give me the courage to join you at work.

Beautiful Savior. Lord of all the nations. Son of God and Son of Man. Glory and honor...praise adoration...now and forever more be thine! --Joseph Seiss