Christmas 2006

I have painfully neglected my blog over the past several months, so I guess this will go on my New Year's Resolution list! Anyway, Christmas has come and gone. It flew by this year! And now, sitting here on December 26th, I wonder why it is this date seems to give people the freedom to go back to being selfish and stop thinking of others. So many of us seem to lose the Christmas spirit as soon as Christmas Day comes to a close. I have to go to Wal-Mart today, and let me just say, I am dreading it BIG TIME! Talk about a place that will make you lose your Christmas spirit! At least I only have to go to the Tire/Auto center and can avoid the rest of the store. For that, I am very thankful. I just pray that this year we will not forget what it means to put others first and to live constantly with a giving spirit.

So, here are some humorous highlights from this Christmas season:

1. My cousin Tre's ending to the reading of the Christmas story from the Bible: "And we'll just stop right there because it goes on to talk about circumcision."

2. My family's overwhelming reaction to my Christmas letter. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess I have to write one every year now!

3. My family and the Caramel Cake Comedy!

4. A conversation with little 3 year old Madison from my church:
Me: Madison, you got a haircut. It's beautiful. Is that your special Christmas haircut?
Madison: No, it's just a regular haircut.

5. Finding out that Christopher, from the Children's Choir I direct, wanted everything about their Christmas performance to be a surprise from his parents and would only practice in his room with the door shut. Too cute!

6. A family at church, almost spilling the beans about Santa Claus to their son in the middle of a Christmas party!

7. My boss' embarrassing introductions of staff members at our annual Christmas party. Apparently to him, we are all "our newest acquisitions"...oh, and the Irish Meade...can't forget that!

It really was a great Christmas season. Funny, special, touching, emotional, loving, and memorable. May we truly experience God with us throughout the year.

Rain

It's raining right now. I don't feel like being profound. I feel like being at home. I wish I was at home. But, I can't go home because I have to lead a workshop in about 45 minutes. I would rather be at home, in my pajamas, snuggled under a blanket, watching TV. Tomorrow is a big day for me. The day I begin to see one of my dreams come true. I am no longer hoping. I am doing. It may not change the external part of my life much, but I think it will definitely change me on the inside. I'm kind of nervous. People are going to read my thoughts and hear my words. I don't know if any of it is any good, but that's not really why I'm doing it anyway. I am making a choice to take a step towards fulfilling a dream.

I may be fired when I return to work on Wednesday. I'm trying to remind myself that all people, even the ones I find it hard to like, are God's creation and deserve to be treated with respect. I'm trying to love my enemy. It's hard, though. I'm hurt. Other people are hurt. And my enemy just sits back satisfied with himself. But this is the real world. I just pray that God will help me love him. I really don't want to, but I guess that doesn't really matter. I've been commanded to love him by God himself. And pleasing God is much more important than pleasing man or my own ego.

Time Stood Still

There I was, standing in line at the jewelry counter at the local Wal-Mart because time was standing still, at least according to my watch. It had said 4:30 for about 5 days, so I was on a mission for a new battery. As I was waiting, a lady and a little girl, about 7 or 8 years old, walked up on the other side of the counter. The lady explained that the little girl was lost and looking for her mother. It was then that I noticed the little girl was crying. And not the kind of crying that results in a few tears down the cheek. She was sobbing uncontrollably, even having trouble catching her breath. The Wal-Mart associate tried her best to comfort the little girl, as did the lady who had obviously found her in this distressed state. Quickly, the associate made an announcement over the loud speaker, calling the mother's name and indicating that her party was waiting at the jewelry counter. Now I know, and you know, that the associate said it in this way because she was trained to do so. You can't just announce that a lost little girl is looking for her mother and is waiting at the jewelry counter. Who knows who might show up to claim her?

But, I couldn't help but wonder how that made the little girl feel. She was still sobbing uncontrollably, and I could almost hear her voice shouting, "Why are you calling for my mother, telling her I'm waiting for her? I'm not just waiting. I'm lost. I need her. I need her now. Why are you so calm? Don't you understand? I'm lost from my mother. Please do something. Please help me find her. Tell her I'm lost so she'll get here quicker. Please lady, please!"

A few moments later, the mother arrived and the little girl ran into her arms. Both mother and daughter were crying now. The mother tried to explain to whoever would listen what had happened. She was not careless. She had not intentionally lost sight of her daugther. It had just happened. She was so glad to have her daugther back safely in her arms. She spent several minutes consoling her and reassuring her that everything was okay now.

It that moment, I was struck by how similar her reaction is to God's when his children lose their way. The mother had not left her child. Instead, the child had wandered away from her mother, most likely because she was preoccupied by something in the store. Something flashy, something exciting to the 7 year old eye. And her preoccupation had caused her to wander. And the more she wandered, the more lost she became. Before long, she didn't even know how to go about finding her mother. That's often how we are as humans in our relationship with God. Something in the world that is flashy and interesting catches our eyes and leads us down a road, away from God. When we finally realize we are lost, it is often difficult to understand where to begin our journey back to him. Hopefully, there is someone in our lives that can help lead us back to Him, back to the place where he welcomes us with open arms. Back to the arms that comfort our sobs and help us breathe normally again. Back to safety and shelter. Back home. It is then, and only then, that we realize that God is faithful to His word when he said "I will never leave you or forsake you." He doesn't leave us. We walk away from Him. The Bible says in Hebrews to "fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith." Why is it, then, that I have my back to Him more often than my eyes fixed upon Him?

There was another part of the scene today that caused a catch in my throat. You see, the little girl had a sister that had been riding in the buggy with her mother throughout the entire episode. The younger sister didn't seem to understand what all the fuss was. She was laughing and giggling as if nothing had happened. She wanted to go eat something. What was the big deal? Her sister was there now? Was this really worth all of the commotion? That's what struck me the most out of the whole ordeal. You see, as Christians, too many times when our brothers and sisters are lost and are found again, we have the same reaction as the younger sister. What's the big deal? Can't we just go get something to eat? We've been walking (or riding as the case may be) with the Saviour all along. Is the fact that this person has now found their way back to the place they should have been all along really worth all this fuss?

The answer is a resounding YES!! Yes, it is worth all of the fuss. It is worth tears of joy! But too many times, we don't react that way. We treat it like it's an every day occurance and of no eternal importance. But it is! IT IS!!! We should rejoice just like the Saviour does. We should be excited that one of our brothers and sisters who was lost is now found. As the ninety-nine, we should be overjoyed and unable to contain our excitement.

It is no coincidence that I read Karen Kingsbury's new book, Found, this morning before I set out on my trip to Wally world. I don't know if this little moment would have registered with such importance if I had not read that book. The scene that played out in Wal-Mart echoed the theme of the book. We were all once lost and now am found. We should desire that for everyone in our lives. We should rejoice when it happens! We should do everything in our power to bring to life the eternity that God has set in each person's heart. An eternity with Him.

There were tears in my eyes as it became my turn in line at the jewelry counter. The tears slowly started running down my face as I continued to watch this family reunited. At first, I was ashamed, and thought, "I wonder what the associate is going to think of me crying." But then I decided I didn't care. Because this little girl, who was lost and now is found, represents so much more than I could ever imagine. It is definitely worthy of tears of joy. And for the moment, time stood still.

The Little Things

Do you know how much I love my Direct TV? If they asked me to do a commercial, I would! And I hate being on camera. But I love it that much. I'm never at home to watch TV, so the invention of the DVR was quite an amazing contribution to my life! That's the only way I get to see anything. Well, this week, my Direct TV receiver decided to stop working. Who know's why, but when I called on Monday, the lady said the earliest anyone could come out would be Thursday between 1 pm and 5 pm. I still don't understand why they can't give you a smaller time frame, but nonetheless, I had to be satisfied with my Thursday fix it time. I kind of got the feeling that God was just telling me I needed to come home and rest at night instead of watching TV. It's been a crazy 2 weeks. I've worked 18 hour days, and quite frankly, I've been looking forward to going home tomorrow afternoon, locking the door, turning off my cell phone, unplugging the house phone, and watching TV! Of course, I can't see my shows I missed all week because of the lack of DVR, but thank goodness for Soapnet! General Hospital here I come!!!

Anyway, when the guy arrived at my house today to fix the darn thing, he started to give me a brand new DVR receiver!!! It could record twice as much as my old one, and it was going to be FREE!!!!! But, it didn't work either. I was beginning to think I was cursed and actually whined when he told me it would be two or three days before they could send a new receiver to me! I know the guy must have thought I was crazy. I'm sure he doesn't see a grown woman whining on her couch every day just because her cable is out.

In that moment, I was struck by the importance of the little, meaningless things in my life, like Direct TV, that seem to consume me. Why do I let them have so much importance? I don't know the answer, but I do. And, tonight, it will be very important as I watch TV for the first time since last Friday!!!!

I am so excited! Here I go again...

The Person I Want to Be

So, this is my first blog entry ever! I hope it makes sense, but I guess by definition, it doesn't really have to!! Today was a strange day that helped me clarify some things I've been mulling over lately. I have a friend who's going through a pretty big storm right now. I don't always know what to say, or how to act, or what to do. This morning, though, I opened up and shared with her the lyrics to a song I wrote. The song is basically about how we deal with the storms in our lives. It's so easy to want to curl up, lie still, and hope the storm happens to pass over without doing much damage. In those times, it's so easy to question God, doubt God, be angry at God, etc. But it's at those times that we need to stand up and stand strong, and trust God to use the rain to wash over us, wash out impurities, and to cleanse us and open our eyes. I don't share songs I write very often. Most of the time, they are just for me. But I felt like this one could help her right now during this very violent storm. I actually started writing the song about 7 years ago when my friend Kristen's mom was battling cancer for the second time. I've had the chorus (words and tune) in my mind since then. Lately, I just felt compelled to finish it. It just so happened that me finishing it coincided with this friend's storm. Coincidence? I think not! We have a great God who can orchestrate timing seven years in advance for something so small.

It was her reaction, though, that made the most difference. This friend has this idea that I am some great woman of God, insightful, strong, faithful, etc. I guess I am those things from time to time, but not as often or as consistent as I would like to be or should be. I wish I could be that person for myself all the time! But I'm not. I fail. I sin. I do bad things. I have bad thoughts. I lust. I gossip. A couple of years ago, during a Bible Study I was leading for my college girls, one of them asked me, "Do you ever sin?" I had had a bad experience that day at Best Buy (the Geek Squad guy was being a jerk! - wow, how weird, a Best Buy commerical came on TV as I was typing that). I was not very nice to the sales guy at the store and was definitely not a Christian witness. So, the joke became with my students that I only sinned one hour a week, Thursdays from 4-5! If they only knew the truth! I'm singing a duet in church on Sunday. The chorus of the song says

Are we shiny happy people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open to every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain, on our stained glass masquerade

There's a line in the verse that says, "Am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?"

More often than not, I feel just that way. Like I am an actress, putting on a front for all these people in my life who have an idea of who I am. I just wonder what they would think if they really knew me or really saw me.

But the thing is, that's who I want to be. I want to be the person everyone thinks I am, but I don't know if I'll ever truly measure up to that. I want to be the person my friend thanked me for being this morning. With all of my heart, that's who I want to be. How do I blend that with the reality of who I really am. A flawed sinner. Thank heavens for God's grace!

On a similar note, I was sitting at dinner tonight in the cafeteria at the school. I happened to sit down with three male students that I know somewhat, but not very well. The table I would have chosen to sit at was full. So, I just sat down and started talking to these students. I noticed something familiar on the tshirt of the student who was sitting directly across from me. But, I just thought I was imagining things and decided to ignore it. A few moments later, he noticed the charm on my necklace (my Belle charm) and asked what it was. When he asked, he had this look of recognition on his face. I explained it was from a camp I went to growing up. He confirmed that it was Camp Crestridge and proceeded to tell me that he attended Camp Ridgecrest for 12 years and worked there for 2! That's why the logo on his shirt looked familiar. He started as a camper my last year as a camper, in 1993! Boy, did that make me feel old. But we still knew some of the same people. It was kind of surreal. The sad thing is, this student got into some trouble last year. It saddened me to think he had temporarily forgotten so many of those things he learned at camp. He succombed to peer pressure and other pressures that come with college life. We kind of established a friendship through that conversation tonight. Maybe God can use me to make a differene in this student's life over the next year. Maybe I can be a positive spiritual influence and remind him of some of those important camp values and lessons. Again, I am constantly amazed at how God can use me when I'm not even trying. Just think what a difference I could make for His kingdom if I was completely surrendered.