A Fight Against Bitterness

I'm really struggling right now against bitterness. I don't want to have this struggle. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to admit that I'm struggling. I follow Vicki Courtney's blog, Virtue Alert, and she recently made a post about being gloomy. It wasn't some kind of Biblical teaching or spiritual revelation. It was simply her being transparent and honest about her struggles. I found a lot of freedom in that. There are so many times that I feel like I can't show my weaknesses. I feel like a fraud when I do. I feel like a failure. I don't really want people to see that side of me. But maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe people do need to see that I struggle...that I'm in no way near perfect...that I sin...that I don't always have the answers.

I am so afraid to let people see that I am not perfect, even though I really have no problem admitting that to myself or to God. Why is this? Why am I so afraid?

So, back to the whole bitterness thing. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I thought I had put it behind me. I thought I had let it go, but I can feel these moments of bitterness keep popping up in the middle of my day. A thought here and there. A complaint about my situation to a third party. A whole thought process so that I can justify my hurt.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BITTER!!!!

So, I went to God's word. In the New Testament, talk of bitterness usually proceeds or follows talk of forgiveness or humility.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. James 3:13-15

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:30-32

I am grieving the Holy Spirit. I will sheepishly admit that I boasted of my bitterness today. If I am not careful, if I do not let go of this, I will allow that bitter root to grow up and will fail to be holy.

Charles Stanley writes, "We have two choices: We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the people He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances as tools God uses to further develop our spiritual lives. "

I choose today to let go of my bitterness. I surrender it to the Lord. I don't want it to destroy me, to destroy my relationships, to be a stumbling block to others. I want God to use this circumstance to mold me into the person He wants me to be. I don't understand it. I sometimes feel like I have a right to be bitter, but if I am truly going to use God's word as the standard for my life, I must do as I am commanded and "get rid" of it! I must be kind and compassionate. I must forgive. I must do this because this is what God did for me and what He is doing for me even now.

Most Beautiful Master, please take this bitterness from my heart. Take my every thought captive. Help me to always remember your truth and your commands. Help me to remember that I can forgive only because I have been forgiven. Even though I feel wronged, I was wrong, too. Even ithough I feel hurt, I hurt someone else, too. Even though I feel justified in my bitterness from time to time, I must instead remember that Christ justified me to God through his forgiveness and grace! I don't deserve anything of the sort, but while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. Give me a desire to be rid of it! Give me a desire to love you! Give me a desire to not grieve your Spirit but to walk in the Spirit. Amen.