Honor Your Father and Your Mother

In Ephesians, Paul echoes one of the Ten Commandments when he tells us to honor our father and mother. I don't want the evening to end until I do just that.

I returned this evening from a 3 day trip to my parent's house. It sounds so strange to say it that way because I usually call this home. While it's not my current home, it will always be home to me. I don't know if I will ever get to a place where I will not call it "going home." So, let's just say, "I went home" this week! Usually, I only have a chance to get there two or three times a year due to the distance and my overly busy schedule. I carry around more guilt about this than I care to admit, but I never seem to find a way to do anything about it. The purpose of this trip home was to visit my dad, who just had knee surgery, and help my mom take care of my dad.

I could feel on the drive down that this visit was going to be different. I'm not exactly sure why, but I could sense it. I could sense that there was significance with this visit. The entire way down, I was reminded of things from my childhood. Things I loved. I was so very excited that the azaleas were still blooming. And the wisteria! And remembering moments from the past. My anticipation grew with every mile. I didn't realize, until I got on the road, how much I needed this trip home. I needed to be reminded that there are at least two people on this earth who will love me unconditionally, no matter what, and that those same two people count on me. I feel like I've come to a point in my life that I can actually go home and do things for my parents, instead of having them do for me. Oh, I still let my mom do things for me while I was there, but for the first time, I felt like they needed the adult me. And this excites me. And it makes me appreciate them even more!

My dad finally decided to have his knee replaced. After years of walking, or hobbling, in much pain, he finally took the plunge. I know he was in a lot of pain, but he and I spent Wednesday afternoon just talking, and it's a conversation I will remember for the rest of my life. Mom was gone to the store so it was just dad and I. He asked me about work. He asked me about seminary. He listened to me share my vision, my thoughts, my dreams, my fears. I think it is one of the first truly adult conversations I've had with my dad. I know that sounds weird, and it's certainly not my dad's fault. I just don't think I ever go to my dad as an equal. I go to him as a little girl. But not this time. Like I said, this conversation was different. My dad encouraged me in a way that was so special. He told me to use my passions, to use my skills and abilities, to use my love for others in a big way. He reminded me to always be looking for the door that God is opening and not to sell myself short. He also told me to not be afraid to move in a different direction. Then, the conversation turned a little more personal. Leave it to my dad to put me in my place in a way that shocked me, made me think long and hard, and admit my own shortcomings, all in one moment. He showed me that I had been doing the same thing I had accused someone else of doing. At first, I couldn't believe he said it. I think I must have had that look on my face that said, "Oh no, he didn't," because he immediately followed it up with a "I don't mean to be critical" comment. But he was so right. I had been doing exactly what I had accused someone else of doing. I think I knew this, but my dad put into words what I could not. And it was done in such a loving, caring, yet straightforward manner. Thanks Dad, for setting me in my place! Thanks, God, for using my dad in this way and for giving me an earthly father who is encouraging, challenging, and supportive.

This trip home, my mom actually let me do stuff for her. I think she's exhausted from being strong through my dad's surgery, from feeling like she can't relax and rest because my dad might need her, from making sure everything with the house is taken care of, from helping my dad with his therapy and just everyday needs until he can get around on his own again. I know how my dad is when he doesn't feel good, so that is not an easy task! But my mom does it all with grace and without complaint. She truly is superwoman! And while she let me do some things for her, she also did for me. She made me apple fritters for breakfast this morning! She made sure that we had my favorite foods and felt bad that she forgot to make my favorite jello. She gave me her pillow. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but there are only two pillows in the world that are perfect. I have one at my house, and she has an identical one at her house. I think we would both run back into the house if it were on fire, just to rescue these pillows! She knows how much I like the pillow and gave it up for me to sleep on while I was there...so that I would feel more at home! She listened to me. And she did all of this in the midst of her crazy life. My mom volunteers for an afterschool program their church sponsors. Since my dad is on the mend, she hasn't been able to help out. However, they decided to cancel the program today due to the threat of severe weather. My mom spent the entire morning making phone calls to the other volunteers, to the parents, to the schools, trying to make sure everyone was informed. She went above and beyond the call of duty. And they wonder where I got this from...
My mother is amazing, and I don't tell her that enough! Thank you God, for creating this woman who is so caring and loving and giving and placing me under her lifelong care. I wish I could be more like her.

And this doesn't include all of the normal things my parents do. Like fill my car up with gas before I leave, hide money in my purse, beg me to stay another day, take pictures everytime I leave to go home (although I believe the rain is the reason for the reprieve from this task this afternoon - thank you rain!). Because the weather was bad, they insisted that I call every hour. I think before I would have been annoyed by this request, but not this time. I know it's out of love that they are so concerned. I know that they miss me. I miss them. More than I realize, and more than I admit. I think I busy myself so I don't have to think about it too often. Oh we talk fairly regularly on the phone, but it's not the same as going home. I am so thankful for the home they've created for me to go.

I realize that not everyone is as blessed as I am to have such wonderful parents. But if you are, or even if you're not, take a moment, right now, to let your parent(s) know how much you love and appreciate them for whatever reason it may be. It might be something small. It might be something big. But tell them you love them! Thank them for being there, and be there for them!