I Thought I Had Climbed This Mountain

I swear I've been here before
Standing on the other side
I recognize these feelings
I recognize this pain
I recognize the hives
I recognize the sadness
I recognize the fear, the uncertainty, the desire to just be okay

But I thought I had climbed this mountain
I thought I'd made it through
I thought I'd found a way to let go, to press on, to look heavenward
I thought I'd found a way to forgive

I thought I had climbed this mountain
I thought I had struggled up the cliffs
I thought I had discovered the strongholds in the rock
Or maybe they discovered me

Maybe I never climbed this mountain
Maybe I've just been hanging on for dear life on the side of the cliff
Convincing myself that this place is just as good as the other side
Resting in a place that, for a bit, was comfortable

Or maybe I have climbed this mountain
Or just one that looks a lot like this one
Maybe this is what it takes to learn what forgiveness truly is
To learn what it means to let go of the past
To learn what it means to press on
Press on...not walk on or fly on or breeze on...

But press on
Facing challenges with courage and humility
Trusting that God's hand is guiding my every step
That God's hand will redirect my steps when I stray
That God's hand will set me in my place when I choose to rest on my laurels
That my strength won't fail
That my love won't fail
That my hope won't fail

And with God's help, I will climb this mountain
As many times as it takes